Saturday, January 30, 2010


Tonight is one of those rare nights that I have the whole house to myself.  Daughter #1 is out on a date and My Harley Stud is on a playdate with one of his friends.  (He LOVES it when I say that)
Sometimes it’s really good to have some alone time.  It gives you a chance to do some things you can’t or don’t do when the rest of the clan is around.  You can watch what you want on television.  You can eat what you want.  You can play on the computer without hearing complaints or comments that, “The whole house could blow up and she wouldn’t notice if she is on the computer.”  I can’t help it if I’m focused, now can I?
So now that I’m alone:  What should I do?  I’ve got so many options that I can’t seem to pick one.
What do you do with your “me” time?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Wendy Peter

Hook: She told him stories. He taught her to fly. How?
Wendy: You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air.
Hook: Alas, I have no happy thoughts.
Wendy: That brings you down!
Hook: [Hook threatens to cut Wendy's throat with his hook] How else?
Michael: Fairy dust! You need fairy dust!
The Lost Boys: Michael!
Hook: What of Pan? Would unhappy thoughts bring him down?
Wendy: He has no unhappy thoughts.

Much to my surprise, Creepy, over at Tiptoeing Through The Tulips awarded me with a fun and purdy award.  If you aren’t already reading Creepy’s blog, get on over there and check her out.  She is one of the most gifted writers I’ve ever read and her stories will warm your heart, make your blood boil and leave you laughing your arse off.  Disclaimer:  If you are easily shocked, offended or otherwise put-off by language rivaled only by drunken sailors, pirates and the New York Jets locker room last Sunday (GO COLTS!), you might want to take a Xanax before visiting Creepy.

Now this award is not just your run of the mill award either.  It comes with cupcakes!  Sah-weet!  That’s like getting two awards in one!

Like most awards, it is conditional.  In order to accept and post the pretty cupcakiness bling on your blog, you must list 10 things that make you happy and then do one of them today.  I know, I know. Forcing others to think happy thoughts and do things that make them happy is ……… well……. it’s just the most brilliant idea EVER!  Oh and one more thing: Once all the fun is over, create some more fun by awarding ten more bloggers with the Happy 101 aka CUPCAKE award! 

Assuming this isn’t your first visit here (and if it is, Hello, I am so very happy to make your acquaintance. I do hope you’ll visit again soon.  Can I get you something to drink?) you already know that my family makes me very happy so let’s just call them #1 and I’ll start the list with 1A
1A.  Walks on the beach make me very happy.  Alone, with a friend, with my family, any beach walk will do.  I love how the roar of the surf, the briny breezes and sand between my toes can soothe my soul like no other place. 

2.   The way the dogs greet me at the door with tails awaggin’ like they are so glad I am home makes me happy.  The fact that they behave this way even when I return from getting the mail from the end of the driveway makes me really happy. 

3.   Watching 24 on Monday nights after a Monday workday makes me really happy.  And when no one utters a single word during the entire episode, that makes me ecstatic!  And if I don’t fall asleep during a commercial – HEAVEN!  (and I watched my boyfriend, Jack today.)   Disclaimer: this post was written on Monday but posted on Tuesday.

4.   Finding real friendships in Bloggyville that I never would have imagined when I started this gig makes me so happy.  You have brought more joy, laughter and enlightenment to my world and I am eternally grateful for the blessings of your friendship.

5.   The fact that every single day my laptop tells me to replace my battery but still hasn’t crapped out makes me happy. 

6.   My good friend, Miss Lolly, shared her rum cake recipe with me.  That makes me AND My Harley Stud very happy.  Hopefully, I will still be as happy after receiving my blood sugar results.  EEK!

7.   Weather cool enough to light a fire in the fireplace makes me very happy…….and cozy too.  Life under my FSU blanket,  with a loaf of bread piece of rum cake, a jug of wine and thou is pretty darn great!

8.   Chris O’Donnell on NCIS Los Angeles makes me very happy.  He is my Tuesday night boyfriend.  But shhhhh!  Don’t tell Jack!

9.   Wine/Whine on Wednesday, a monthly, sometimes weekly date with Miss Lolly, makes me happy.  More wine, more happy.

10.  Sleep makes me happy.  I love to sleep.  Sleep is good.  Sleep is very good.  Sleeping when it’s below 50 degrees f outside makes me really happy.  I love to pile on the covers, dress in comfy, warm jammies and snuggle all night long.   And this is #10 so I’ll soon be off to bed to do just that.  :-)

Pretty good happy thoughts, don’t cha think?  Now for the hard part.  I hate the hard part.  I like things easy.  Easy like Sunday morning.  And so……….I’m tagging all of you.  Yep.  Every single one of you can take this cupcakey award and make it your own.  All you have to do is follow the rules.  *wink*

Smart Mouth Broad

Thursday, January 21, 2010


I cleaned out the freezer the other day.  I found some things that appeared to have been in there for 100 years.  Have you ever started a housekeeping project that suddenly finds you embarrassed at how badly you manage your household.  June Cleaver would have been appalled at the state of my freezer.  On the other hand, I would have made my mother, Lucy, very proud.   Lucy firmly believed that nothing should be thrown out until it was the proper shade of rotten.

Come along and I will share what I found:
  • A few packages of vegetables that died from freezer burn years ago.
  • One lonely dark chocolate truffle shivering way in the back, long forgotten.  I bet Brian Miller could write a poem about this little guy.  Believe me, there is not a soul in this house who would have left that sucker there.  It was definitely forgotten.
  • Half a Costco size package of hotdogs from a family cook-out 5 years ago.  (Yeah, I’m more than a bit embarrassed about that one……….we don’t even eat hotdogs)
  • And then there was the ………………………………….mystery……………..meat?  I’m really not sure what that was.

I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t this:

or this:


I know that it wasn’t this:

It might have been this:

But it looked more like bean dip.  But seriously?  Would I really freeze bean dip?  Maybe……………….I guess.  Help me, my friends.  I’m losin’ it.  What would possess me to freeze something so unappetizing that I can’t imagine eating it the first time around, let alone saving some to enjoy again?

This is a little scary to me.  What was so wonderful that I said to myself, “Hey, Self!  There’s no way your family is going to eat all this yummy glop before it rots.  Why don’t you freeze it so you can open it years later, wonder what it is and throw it out savor the magic."

So what’s in your freezer?  Do you know?

Smart Mouth Broad

Saturday, January 16, 2010


The following is an email from a young man who is the Program Director for Hope for Haiti.   He is the son of our friends and an extraordinary 23 year old with a huge heart.  We’ve all heard about the devastation on the news but reading this email this morning broke my heart.  It reached into my soul and squeezed it tight.  Daughter #1 and I spent the day with friends collecting, inventorying and packing medical supplies and food items bound for a plane to Haiti tomorrow.  It felt good to make a small difference.  

If you would like to donate to Hope for Haiti, I’ve linked the websites in Patrick’s email.

And please feel free to spread the word by copying and pasting Patrick's email to your blog. 

Our fearless leader, Patrick’s father
The van is riding a little low with the weight of all the supplies.
A small but mighty crew.
Patrick’s mom, sister, D1, The Rocket Scientist and The Trophy Wife

The first 24 hours in Cayes after the quake were unbearably calm. A
cloud of fear, sadness, and loss hung over the city like dust hung
over Port-au-Prince. Thanks to local radio and TV, people knew of the
damage. They knew the worst, and they all just waited -- anxious, but
calm -- holding out hope that their loved ones in PAP were alright.
During the second 24 hours -- 48 hours after the quake -- the city
began to pick up notably. Streets, stores, house fronts, and gas
stations were panicky and hectic. It seemed downright chaotic compared
to Tuesday’s heartbreaking calm. Compared to the capital, the disorder
in Cayes is nothing. But there are fears that this might change in the
next few days.

Gas is running out. Food stores are closing. Banks have yet to reopen.
And starting today, bus loads of survivors seeking refuge from the
chaos in PAP are pouring into Cayes. People with sacks and baskets
of belongings leave the bus yard, walking slowly from oblivion into

It is in this context that the UN and other local agencies and NGOs
are trying to coordinate a response. The assumption is that an
uncertain but most likely scarily huge number of people will continue
flocking to the Les Cayes, like they have already done in St. Marc and
Gonaïves, to get away from the disaster zone. Toward loved ones.
Toward medical care. Toward food, water, and shelter. Or just toward
somewhere they can put dead bodies to rest, in peace. Like refugees,
many will come without family and without recourse to basic life
supplies. Needs -- desperate ones -- will soar far beyond the capacity
of Cayes’ healthcare infrastructure and personnel.

As of today, there are 109 people who were wounded in Port-au-Prince
seeking care at Cayes' General Hospital. That means they traveled over
4 hours by bus, bloody and traumatized, to a place where healthcare is already
hard to come by. Because the hospital is sorely understaffed to begin
with and because many doctors went to PAP to help, there was one lone,
retired hero of a medecin doing amputations on gangrenous limbs
yesterday. All day long.

The organization I work for, Hope for Haiti, has a large reserve of
dried food and hygiene kits in Cayes that can be used in the
refugee-style camp that is being constructed this afternoon for the
wounded. The UN's goal is to prepare a tented area and temporary
housing in local schools and public buildings to accommodate about
1,500 people. The injured along with their family, friends, and
caretakers will go to tents on the town soccer field, while others who
are unharmed physically but have nowhere to turn will go elsewhere. We
are working on setting up a canteen to prepare meals for them, and
seeking medical supplies and personnel to help out. Transportation is
a problem, as the domestic airport system is not fully operational.
My goal over the next few days is to do what I can to help coordinate
this effort
together with larger groups like the UN, OIM (International
Organization for Migration), CRS (Catholic Relief Services), Terres
des Hommes (a French NGO), Rotary International, and several other
local missionary groups. Preparing for uncertain "collateral damage"
and "fallout" is the current modus operandi in Cayes.

On a more human level, people here may be safe, but they are still
devastated. Almost everyone knows someone who's died. And the spirit
of positivity that so many Haitians exude and which I have grown to
respect and love is severely dampened.
"Ayiti krase" -- Haiti is crushed.
"Kè mwen sere" -- My heart is squeezed tight.
"Anpil moun mouri" -- So many people dead.
There are just a few of the phrases captured in my memory and burned
into my heart from friends in the area. People's ability to express
themselves in times of crisis is one of the most devastating and yet
constructive dynamics of this tragedy. If we talk about it and feel it
enough, maybe one day we can heal it.

My organization has mobilized an enormous, impressive response in
Port-au-Prince. We have an emergency clinic set up in a hotel in
Petionville, and as of last night had about 150 people being treated
in the parking lot. Today, 2 planes filled with doctors, nurses, and
medications were supposed to arrive in PAP and rendez-vous with the
make-shift trauma center. I still don't have word as to how that went.
Funds are still coming in, as are medications and supplies. Donations
are still critically important, as this disaster is going to require
an incredibly intense recovery that will persist long after the
current media buzz dies down.

So tell people to mobilize. Tell them to spread the word. Tell them to
give whatever they can of themselves if the face of such cataclysmic,
arbitrary, and ultimately unpreventable injustice. Tell them to say a
prayer. And then to pass it on. Awareness and advocacy are forceful
tools. And moving mountains is the feat ahead.

Thank you to everyone concerned, airing this story, reading, or
listening. The Haitian people need and deserve every ounce of empathy
and support you can muster.

In gratitude and solidarity,

PS - Oh yeah, and please tell people to go to
or just to support us online. We work with 8 schools and 2 health clinics in
Port-au-Prince, so we're not gonna need relief just now, but for a
long, long time to come.
Over 97% of our donations go directly to programs. In Haiti. Always.

Calling all prayer warriors:  Please pray for the people of Haiti and while you’re at it, say a special prayer for Patrick and workers like him who are serving on the front lines of the devastation. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


As a born and bred Smart Mouth Broad, I try really hard to never be disrespectful or insensitive with the thoughts that I share here in these pages.  You see, when you are born with the gift curse of wiseassyness, there are a lot of things that run thru your mind that are better kept to yourself.  These slightly unacceptable thoughts are a constant source of secret giggles to me.  Alas, I learned a long time ago that not every gem that is born in my cranium is meant to be launched out into the real world.  I could get in a lot of trouble for saying that crap out loud (or in the written word). 

But sometimes, I just can’t help myself.  Such is the case today after reading our local newspaper which really isn’t paper at all because I read it online….so what does that make it?   hmmmm……..I got nuthin’.    Ahhh, but I digress.  Anyway, I was reading and found a tragic story that I couldn’t help but ……….kinda………sorta……..laugh at. (Yes, I did just end a sentence with a preposition…..I’m feeling a bit rebellious today.)

It seems that a man from Massachusetts came to Florida for a hiking trip ………………………….and froze to death.  What???  What are the odds?  I mean, he could have stayed home for that.  I was flabbergasted.  I read it aloud to my family.  I called Daddy and read it to him.  Nobody believed me.  IT’S.IN.THE.PAPER!,  I told them.  It has to be true, right?  The paper that’s not a paper reports that the medical examiner has indicated in a preliminary ruling that the cause of death is accidental hypothermia.  (As opposed to intentional hypothermia???)  I don’t know how it happened and yet that is what appears to have happened.
The world is upside down, I’m tellin’ ya. My cousin called the other day to tell me he was on his way to Canada where the temperature was 45f at the time of our talk.  It was 42 at the very same time right here in Palm Beach County and dipped below freezing overnight.   Then I got an invitation in the mail to join AARP……at my age!   And now I’ve learned that Northerners are coming to the land of sunshine and balmy breezes to freeze to death.

Be careful out there.  It’s a crazy world.

Smart Mouth Broad

No disrespect is meant to the victim or his family.  My heart goes out to them.  I’m not the first to find humor in tragedy but it will keep me up tonite.  I will toss and turn and fret.  I will worry that you will think me an insensitive broad who doesn’t have a heart so read this fast, my friends.  I might delete it by morning. 

Wednesday, January 6, 2010



I hate being tailgated not to be confused with the tailgating that goes on before the football game.  Unfortunately this happens to me quite often on my hour-long commute to and from work.  And it’s not because I’m not a courteous driver.  I am most of the time.  I move over whenever possible to get the heck out of the way.  I may or may not routinely drive ever so slightly over the speed limit but for the most part, I just go with the traffic which generally drives way too fast.  Don’t be judgin’, people!

But there’s always that one special driver though that has to ride my bumper.  Even when there is nowhere to go even if I could get over, he/she will still ride my arse so as to push me along. 

This was the case today on my way to work.  I was in the left lane going faster than the cars in the right lane on the turnpike.  There was no place to get over and the cars in front of me were going the same speed that I was.  Nevertheless, there was Mr. Upmyarse trying to will me to drive faster into the rear end of the car in front of me.  As I was giving him the stink-eye death stare in my rear-view mirror, I noticed that he appeared to be talking to someone.  His conversation was quite animated however there didn’t seem to be anyone in the car with him.  I became intrigued which probably caused me to slow down a tad bid.

Who was Mr. Upmyarse talking to with such enthusiasm?  It didn’t look as if he was wearing a bluetooth earpiece.  And since he was so close, I had a pretty good view of the entire interior of his SUV and a close-up of his face.  He didn’t seem to be ranting at me  but he stayed right on my tail and boy oh boy was he going to town with his chat.  His arms were flying with gestures aplenty. 

Eventually, I had the opportunity to get over into the right lane so Mr. Upmyarse could move on to tailgate the car in front of me and arrive at his destination point six seconds faster than if he had remained at a safe distance behind me.  As Mr. U passed me by, I noticed he was air drumming on his steering wheel and it became clear that he was not chatting but singing.  He looked silly.  Ridiculous even.  What a weirdo.

Then all of a sudden the realization hit me.   Throughout this whole episode, I, too was singing at the top of my lungs.  Yes, my friends, while I was giving Mr. U the stink-eye in my rear-view mirror, I was singing like Streisand, belting it out like Martina McBride, serenading like Billie Holiday.  You don’t think I looked as ridiculous as Mr. U, do you?  I mean, I didn’t have those enormous hand gestures after all.

Don’t you hate it when your pot calls the kettle black?

Sunday, January 3, 2010


giant-thumb So, if you’ve been reading here over the last week, you know that I got a little crazy with my favorite knife on Christmas day which resulted a thumb injury.  I would link it but I’m lazy and it’s only a few posts back.  If you’re interested you’ll find it. 

I have since discovered what the ER doc was saying when he mentioned that “this may not take.”  The sutures didn’t do their job.  The wound is still open.  No, Janie, I’m not going to post pictures because it’s ugly and gross and I don’t like ugly and gross.  I only like the pretty pictures.

It doesn’t cause me a great deal of pain but it is most definitely a pain in the arse.  I have to keep a bandage on it.  My hands are always in water which means that the bandage is always falling off.  Frankly the whole ordeal has just pissed me off.  Looking on the brighter side, I can only hope that I will remember this inconvenience and be more careful in the future.  And at some point, I hope that this household will return to normal and won’t come to a complete stand-still every time I pick up a knife.

I’ve learned a few things over the past week while suffering the consequences of my thumb injury.  It hasn’t been all bad.  I’ve listed the pros and cons should you be considering slicing off a piece of your thumb for some reason:


  1. In the beginning, I didn’t do any dishes.  There was beaucoup sympathy and willingness to help.  As time moved on, sympathy waned and I had to step in because things just don’t get done fast enough to suit me. (But I’m not a control freak)
  2. Same goes for help with housework.
  3. ……. and help with cooking.
  4. You can draw a face on your bandage and play sock puppets
  5. I did find that new best friend at the ER registration desk.  I heart you very much,  Ms. Registration Lady.
  6. Milking it gets me special privileges sometimes.
  7. I’ve convinced my family that ice cream promotes faster healing.
  8. I’ve learned to crack an egg one-handed like a pro.


  1. It hurts a bit when I bang it on something (and I seem to do this alot)
  2. Texting minus one thumb is difficult and awkward .
  3. Typing a blog post, comments, etc is difficult because the bandage gets in the way and pushes more than one key at a time.
  4. My family won’t give me a handicap in Wii Wii competitions . (maybe because I still kicked butt even though I was the “Thumbless Wonder”)
  5. I can’t remember to take the stupid antibiotics.  Every six hours is ridiculous!  Who can do that?  
  6. Wound dressings don’t come in holiday colors.  It would have been nice to bling up my bandage for New Years.
  7. I had to sit out for skeet shooting at the range.  *pout*
  8. I’m not sure what happens next but I’m pretty sure that it’s going to hurt and that is a little frightening.

So there you have it.  If you’re thinking of slicing off a piece of a digit for any reason, you now have the tools to make an educated decision.  I am nothing if not a public servant. 

Be careful out there.


Friday, January 1, 2010


Yes, it’s impossible hard to believe since I’m only 29 myself but 25 years ago I gave birth to a 7 lb 10oz bouncing, blonde haired, blue eyed princess.  She started her life a day late and a tax deduction short she has been late to every occasion since.  Nevertheless we love her so much and are very proud of the young woman she has become.

She and her sister traveled up to the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville with friends today to see Bobby Bowden’s last game and to **crossing fingers** watch the Seminoles beat West Virginia.  That leaves My Harley Stud and I on our own to watch the game on tv and gives me some extra time to make a fabulous (I hope) birthday cake.  I’m not really much of a baker and measuring is not my thing.  I like to throw it all in and see what happens.  In baking that usually means a disaster.  But today, I’m going to once again attempt to make Jack Daniels Chocolate Chip Celebration Cake.  True to its name, it has a little bit of Jack in the cake and the icing.  It’s very yummy.  I’ve made it twice and each time the cake was delicious but the presentation was CRAP.  The chocolate chips and nuts sunk to the bottom and stuck to the pan making a smooth removal impossible.  But not today.  I’ve got it all figured out.  I’ll take pictures and update you sometime this week.  And if you never hear me mention it again, you’ll know that my confidence was misplaced.  

I’m off to make my grocery list and get there and back before the game starts.  Some might say that is not even remotely possible.   Ye of little faith……….don’t forget my superpowers and that I have a dvr.

Don’t forget to eat your black-eyed peas and cabbage today for good luck and prosperity.  I know most people do either one or the other of these two dishes on New Years Day but I’m not taking any chances and we’re having both. 

Oh and one more thing before I go:
This is not so much a recipe as a new twist on an old recipe but this morning I got a little crazy in the kitchen and whipped up a concoction that made  MHS smile.  Always a good thing. 
I mixed some cream cheese (of which I have lots because it was on sale and I didn’t know that I was going to chop off the end of my thumb on Christmas Day and lose all motivation to make yummy cheesy concoctions over the holidays) *ahem* and some powdered sugar.  I smeared this concoction on a piece of bread and some homemade (not mine) strawberry jam on another piece of bread and made a sandwich.  Then I dipped the sandwich into beaten eggs, cinnamon and sugar and made stuffed french toast and repeated.  Served it with some lite Brown and Serve sausages and Voila!  Breakfast.   Try it.  You’ll thank me but your thighs might not.

Happy New Year, Y'all!

Smart Mouth Broad