I’ve got SASS. It’s a real condition
SASS is Short Attention Span Syndrome. I have trouble focusing. I struggle with staying on task. I have difficulty remembering little things………and big things…….and medium size things. *sigh*
I’ve even had trouble remembering that I have a blog post to write. Could you tell? No? And here I thought I was the center of the universe. Hmmmm?
It occurred to me recently that I’ve been remiss in my duties here. I mean…..the name of this blog promises words of wisdom, right? You come here seeking brilliant insight, advice and the benefit of incredible life experience and what do you get? BACON! But bacon is so good. I really do love bacon.
So to make up for the nonsense and the absence I’ve decided that a PSA is in order.
You may be walking around with SASS and not even realize it. Not to worry. I am here for you. As a survivor of SASS, I can make you aware of the symptoms of the “condition” and if you find that you too suffer from SASS, I have the secret that will make it all better. But first things first. The symptoms:
- Do you find yourself looking at your crackberry for the time but instead you see that you have an email. You read the email, write and send your response, put the crackberry back into your pocket or handbag only to get it out again 30 seconds later to see the time but are distracted and check out facebook instead? And the cycle continues……..(Maybe I should get a watch.)
- Do you find yourself chanting, “Don’t forget to pick up
milk, the drycleaning, the mail, the pregnancy test results, the children. Don’t forget to pick up the children.” ……….and then forget anyway.
- Why doesn’t the “Who Do You Think You Are” show call me? I’m certain my ancestry would be interesting. You don’t come up with a piece of work such as myself by just one apple falling off the tree to the wrong side of the fence, you know. It takes a whole orchard of wayward apples. Wait! That’s not a symptom…………….or is it? See what I mean. Focus, people. Focus!
- Do you nod and smile and pretend to be listening when a coworker is talking while you mentally make your grocery list only to realize at the end of their NEVERENDING story that they expect an intelligent response from you? A bit of advice: Never wing it. Just apologize and admit you weren’t listening. Ask them to repeat the story and hope that it doesn’t happen again. And when it does………start with, “What do you think?” It will give you some time to recompose yourself and fake a
heart attack, aneurysm, bathroom emergency.
- Have you ever had a headache and can’t take medication for it because you can’t remember if you already did?
If you have ever experienced one or more of the above symptoms, you have SASS! Do not despair, my friend. You are in good company. *wink*
And I have the secret that will make it all OK. Blame it on the wine.
Oh and…………………I forgot. *sigh*
Smart Mouth Broad