The bad news: I haven't been tracking my food intake for the last few days.
The good news: I lost a pound.
The bad news: I have diverticulitis.
The good news: I don't have colon cancer.
The bad news: I am on a liquid diet for the next few days.
The good news: I will probably lose more weight.
My question: Does anyone know how many Weight Watchers plus points are in the barium prep you drink before an abdominal CT scan?
Woe is me and all that whiney crap. I’m home sick for bed rest and on television overload. Truthfully, I’m delighted. I’ve never been so happy to have a disease. Since my beloved mother, Lucy, died from colon cancer, the last thing I wanted to hear is that I have something wrong with my colon. To say I was a little freaked is an understatement of gigantic proportion. Every time the doctor left the exam room for this thing or that I was in tears with total illogical paranoia. By all accounts, what I was suffering appeared to be diverticulitis but other more serious problems couldn’t be ruled out until a CT was performed. And that’s what had me shaking in my 3 inch heels. I must have said to myself, “Come on Smart Mouth, pull it together.” no less than 100 times.
In the end, I was diagnosed with diverticulitis but I feel blessed. I’m more than a little sad about saying goodbye to some food favorites for the rest of my life but grateful that is all that is wrong with me.
The bad news: I am on two very strong antibiotics, one of which has some pretty strict restrictions. The following is the conversation I had with my boss/doctor.
DR: “OK, I spoke with the GI specialist and she said that you do need to take both antibiotics. You will need to fill the second prescription. The thing is; with this one, you can’t drink anything.”
DR: “Absolutely nothing. I’m serious. If you drink even a sip, you can become very ill.”
SMB: “Not even water?”
DR: “No, you can have water. I mean alcohol. I’m serious. Not even a beer.”
SMB: “Uh, OK?” looking a bit confused. “I wasn’t really planning on drinking anyway.”
DR: “REALLY! I’m serious. No wine, no beer. AT.ALL!
SMB: “OK, OK. It’s not like I’m an alcoholic or anything. What do you think of me?”
DR: “I’m just sayin’.”
Is it a bad thing when your boss thinks you’re an alcoholic?