Friday, January 13, 2012

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

 

botcutter

I know I said in my last post that I didn’t have anything to talk about but when I put my thinker to work, I actually found that I had quite a few topics about which we should discuss here in these pages but first things first:

Despite the doubts of close friends and family, I AM a reasonable woman of sound mind, with buckets full of patience and an undeniable pure heart.  All that being said, I’m crazed with impatience over the security measures of which we much tolerate in our daily lives while living in the good ole US of A.

I’m all for homeland security.  I applaud it.  My lack of patience isn’t with what we must endure to ensure our citizens safety. It is with the practices put into place to secure our safety.  I don’t mind doing what needs to be done.  Without complaint I suffer through long lines and walking bare-footed (Ewwww!) through security booths designed to detect a lethal weapon in my bra.  My problem is with the naivety of the practices put into place. 

Have you been to Disney World since 9/11?  First of all, it is absurd to conceive of a situation where anyone would dare to launch a terrorist attack at the most magical place on Earth!  Duh…. 

Anyway, once you’ve presented your ticket, been finger-printed, shown your pass-port and provided access to all of your banking information (I’m just kidding about that last part….sort of…), you then proceed to the security check stations.  There are several tents set up to accommodate the masses.  You choose your line and wait your turn to be inspected.  Once you arrive at the front of the line, a security guard has you open your hangbags, tote bags, diaper bags, etc.  With a flash light, they “inspect” your bag and then give you the go – ahead to proceed to Main Street USA in the House of Mouse where all-day suckers and ginormous turkey legs await. 

Here’s my problem.  That inspection?  Yeah.  The light is flashed into your bag and the guard glances without moving a single thing.  Have you seen my bag?  Remember Mary Poppins’ carpet bag?  That’s me.  I have my whole life in there.  As previously mentioned, I’m a reasonably intelligent woman.  Do you really think that if I was carrying, say a gun, knife, or dare I say, at the risk of being banned from my favorite place for life…..a bomb, that I wouldn’t be smart enough to put it under my wallet, tissues and sunglasses?  Why are you wasting my time?  I could already be pinching Mickey’s cute little cheeks!  I don’t mind having my bag checked for security but for Heaven’s sake:  Check it!  If they are going to perform this security joke, they should at least make the security guards dress as Donald Duck or Goofy. 

None of this diminishes my love for the place.  It truly is the happiest place on earth.  (I was corrected at the gate and told that it is NOT the happiest place on earth.  That is DisneyLand in California.  Disney World is “the most magical place on Earth!”  Well…….excuuuuuuuse me!  Whatever…  Somebody needs to sprinkle a little more pixie dust in their cereal.

My frustrations with security isn’t limited to Disney World.  Earlier this week I had to renew my drivers license.  The state of Florida required several documents be presented in order to renew my privilege to drive.  The one that frustrated me the most was my marriage license.  I’ve been married for over 31 years.  My married name has been on my license for that same amount of time.  In order to have my name changed to my married name on my drivers license, I had to present my marriage license.  Why now, after 31 years, are they suddenly questioning if my marriage is legitimate?  Once again, I presented the same license.  Again, I don’t mind going through these procedures but repeating the same ones seems a bit ridiculous and time consuming.   *Deep breath*  OK, I feel a little better having vented that. 

And air travel!  Any post about security policies and procedures wouldn’t be complete without mentioning airport security. 

My dad had a hip replacement a few years ago.  He gets stopped by security each and every time he travels.  They put him in the lucite box and wand, question and frisk him.  Every.single.time.  Meanwhile his daughter, who shall not be named, may or may not have had a mini box cutter and a small pair of scissors in her handbag and slid right through completely undetected.  In her defense, she was unaware of the forgotten security breach.  And she may or may not have committed that same breach of security on over a dozen flights undetected. 

So what I’m saying is:  Security?  I’m all for it.  But if we are going to have to endure it, can we please UP OUR GAME to make it effective?

Hugs and Kisses,

SMB

5 comments:

Tessa said...

Nice to see you back, SMB! I might even be inspired to get back in the pool myself ...

I remember some years ago travelling to stay in a beach house in Turks and Caicos. Having been reliably informed that olive oil cost an arm and a leg there, I decided to take some with me, because I can't survive without homemade salad dressing. At the airport security check in Toronto, the bottle was removed from my check-on case, on the grounds that it was a flammable liquid. If you've ever tried setting fire to olive oil, you'll know that's nonsense. But what really pissed me right off was that we were allowed to sashay onto the same flight toting bottles of (highly flammable) whiskey and brandy from the duty-free store.

The problem with most security checks is that they're carried out by contract companies, who use badly-trained, minimum wage employees. All they care about is making a profit, while maintaining a smoke-screen to make those who are not as discerning as yourself feel secure.

injaynesworld said...

Did you hear about the TSA person who took away a woman's cupcake because their was too much frosting?

Good grief!

Brian Miller said...

we are going to disney next year so will begin preparing myself for the inspection....i hear you on if we have to endure it making it effective....

I'Mgoingtothemostmagicalplaceonearthwithyanextyear said...

My daughter has an electronic device implanted in her hip which is the size of a small bomb but she just tells them that's what it is and they are good with that. Hmmm..... Me on the other hand.....if I have more than an ounce of my trusty hand sanitizer I get the evil eye.
Glad to see you're back......and your front.

formerlyonlyamovie said...

Hey - you're back!!

I am the weird person who doesn't mind waiting for things. It's so cold here, I might not blink at waiting in line for ridiculousness just to glimpse Mickey Mouse.

So good to see you in google reader. xoxo