Sunday, April 18, 2010


…..ain’t nobody happy.  And at my house, we like to add:  If Daddy ain’t happy…..ain’t nobody cares.  I kid, I kid ….sort of   *wink*

Mama ain’t been happy lately.  Mama has been in a funk.  Mama is going to stop talking about herself in third person now.

I’ve realized that you have to make your own happiness.  You have to be proactive.  I’ve taken a bit of a break from life (and blogging), some time to reflect, if you will, and what I’ve decided is that I need to:  SNAP OUT OF IT!  Happy thoughts only from this point forward.  I’m too blessed to be stressed.

So what’s the bacon about?  We’ll get to that in a minute.  First, allow me to rant.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I said happy thoughts only.  Sue me.

This post is about bacon.  Lacking the necessary professional photographic skills aka I was too lazy to take my own picture I thought I would just “borrow” a simple photo of bacon from the interwebs and move along with my blog post.  Good Golly, in the name of all that is pork fat and yumminess, I’m here to tell ya that people are strange.  Have you ever googled images of bacon?  Go now.  Go on.  I’ll wait.


(I’m thinkin’ some of these pervs won’t be back for awhile so let’s move on. You know who you are.)

Do ya see what I mean!  Lord, have mercy on us all.

So I got my lazy butt up off the couch, went to the fridge and got out my baggie of leftover bacon, slapped it on a plate and took a dang picture with my phone.  Geesh.  The trouble I go to for you people.  *wink*

Rant over:  Let the happy thoughts begin.

I LOVE bacon.  No, really.  I BIG FAT PUFFY HEART with SPRINKLES LOVE bacon as evidenced by the size of my arse.  Happy thoughts……must think happy thoughts.

I love bacon with eggs.
I love bacon on a cheeseburger.   HAVE MERCY!
I love bacon sprinkled over veggies or a salad.
I love bacon on a turkey club.
I’ve never met a slice of bacon that I didn’t love. 
Bacon makes me happy.

I hear that Jillian Michaels says that bacon is the devil.  Well if that is true, bacon is the devil with a blue dress.  I just love a blue dress.
But truly, I think that bacon is HEAVENLY.  Seriously.  I don’t care what you say about dirty animals and such.  Bacon is good food.

What are your happy thoughts?  (And don’t give me your kids and family, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah….they are tops on my list too.  That’s a given.  I’m looking for the ridiculous here.)

Smart Mouth Broad


The Lone Star Queen said...

Happiness is a whole sheet of un-popped bubblewrap!

btw--we call bacon "meat candy" around here.

Glad to see your back from your funk.

Tessa said...

Welcome back, SMB. I missed you.

As to bacon, I only like it when it's burnt to a crisp. For me, happiness is ... let me think ... shit ... there has to be something that makes me mindlessly happy ... I know, breaking open a new book by an author I love. And second, by a long mile, the first cup of steaming hot coffee in the morning.

Perfectly Unperfect said...

Welcome back! I totally understand being attacked by the funk monster! Been there...done that...and I am sure it will be back again...someday.

Lately, what really makes me, bacon happy to you....tortilla chips and salsa. I could eat them all day....but I restrain myself {most of the day}!

KrippledWarrior said...

Like Homer Simpson says, "UMMM! PIG FAT" The new KFC Double Down is bacon and cheese sandwiched between two boneless chicken breast. And it only has 540 calories and no bread...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...


Bacon. With you on this. BLT's, baconburgers, all that good stuff.

First cup of coffee in the morning, especially the first sip.

Finishing a thing I write and being able to go back to it and say, yes, that was what I was after.

Having the house and my thoughts to myself for a few hours. Short of that, if everyone is home, if THEY are all happy. EG None in the house being anxious or edgy.

A walk on the beach or a trail and the smell of salty air.

Miss you Smartie. I hope someday my happy includes a weekend retreat with my blogger friends...

Brian Miller said...

mmm....bacon makes everything better...i think it might just cure the funk too...

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh THERE you are! I've been missing you! So you took a bloggy break, huh? I've been thinking about that too.Mostly because I'm just too dang busy to do EVERYTHING I need to do. I definitely need to go to a happy place. Got one?

I am moving in 45 days, my daughter and SIL and NANABABIES are all moving to Atlanta, I'd rather be in Florida, but I have a job in Texas. So . . . there's my rant, which bacon will not cure (sadly, or I'd have an endorphin surge from the massive quantities of bacon I consume).

As for happy, doing nothing right now would lift my spirits. Alas, I don't seem to have time for that kind of happy.

Jan said...

My thoughts? That Jillian Michaels can kiss the fattest part of my white ass.

Bacon. Rules. Period.

Cristin said...

Preaching to the choir sister! Had myself a bacon and egg on a biscuit for breakfast this morning.

For supper? Burgers with leftover bacon!!

You know I was a vegetarian for 10 years? The first thing on my list when I decided to eat dead animals again?


only a movie said...

If I start eating animals again, bacon is where I will begin. Yum.

Yesterday other half and I went to lunch at a not-so-good restaurant. The best part was that there were two huge mirrors facing each other in one hallway at the place. We spent a good deal of time trying to position ourselves to the side of the mirrors to we could get a look into infinity. It was silly and wicked fun.

Glad to see you coming out of your funk. You know where to vent when you need to. xo

Life in the mom lane said...

I love bacon as well- what's not to like??
Other awesomeness...
puppy kisses, lying on a beach with a frozen drink, eating a Hershey bar by dipping it in peanut butter, reading in bed on a rainy day....

Jana said...

I am not much of a meat eater but if you like something I see no reason for you to care what others have to say…

Arkansas Patti said...

So glad Bacon snapped your funk. Personally, when I feel my heart letting me know that my time is emminent, I will fry up a whole pound of bacon and let that be my last sensation, that is if a masseuse is not handy. Either bacon or a massage would be great, both would be heaven.

Tresa said...

Oh my gosh, the SMB is back! You always crack me up (you always have). I could eat a pound of bacon all by myself. Gotta run...need to "google" bacon. XO

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Princess Nagger would eat bacon EVERY DAY if I let her. :)

Anonymous said...

yum... welcome back to the fold!!! :)

Tony Letts said...

Yes pig eating is one of my favourite hobbies. Did you hear about the pig with the wooden leg? Before he lost his leg he saved the barn from burning down by ringing the bell rope to call the farmer and nosed open the door to let the animals out. The wooden leg? ...Pig like that, you don't eat him all at once :)

Jingle said...

I will have a slice in my thoughts,

Happy Earth Day!

croneandbearit said...

Oh Dear Gawd I just licked the screen - I am not eating bacon right now as I kill myself dieting and I can hardly see this comment for all the drool on my monitor. Bacon....bacon. Whoever invented turkey bacon (which I gag down when I am desperate) I want to hunt him down and slap the crap outta him. oops - getting snarky...time to go now. Love ya, mean it.

Midlife Mama said...

BACON!!!!! Bacon bacon bacon.

I am so with you on this one. I DO love me some bacon. YUMMMMM.

I could eat bacon every day of my life and die a happy woman. I'd die a happy woman 20 years earlier than I would have but cholesterol be damned I looooove bacon.

Bacon.MMMMMmmmm. BLT on toasted sourdough. Big ol' juicy bacon cheeseburger. Bacon 'n eggs. Bacon bacon bacon.

*sigh*. Now I'm hungry.

I am like that commercial for beggin' strips, with that dog who goes apeshit for the bacon flavored beggin strips.

I love bacon...I love you...I love bacon...I love you... Mmmm.

*reaches for the towel and mops the drool from the keyboard.

Oops. Sorry about that. heh heh

otin said...

You don't need to be in a funk! You have a picture of bacon! What could be happier than that? LOL.

Seriously, though...Snap out of it! :)

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Honestly? My happy thoughts are the rest of the cherry cobbler, topped with ice cream and watching Sense and Sensibility...or ...just remembering the great sex I used to have! Well, you asked! :)