Wednesday, April 28, 2010

IT’S SASS, RIGHT? YOU’RE SASSIN’ ME.

forget_me_not2
I’ve got SASS.  It’s a real condition that I made up.  YES.IT.IS!  Would I lie to you? 

SASS is Short Attention Span Syndrome.  I have trouble focusing.  I struggle with staying on task.  I have difficulty remembering little things………and big things…….and medium size things. *sigh*

I’ve even had trouble remembering that I have a blog post to write.  Could you tell?  No?  And here I thought I was the center of the universe.  Hmmmm? 

It occurred to me recently that I’ve been remiss in my duties here.  I mean…..the name of this blog promises words of wisdom, right?  You come here seeking brilliant insight, advice and the benefit of incredible life experience and what do you get?  BACON!  But bacon is so good.  I really do love bacon.

So to make up for the nonsense and the absence I’ve decided that a PSA is in order.

You may be walking around with SASS and not even realize it.  Not to worry.  I am here for you.  As a survivor of SASS, I can make you aware of the symptoms of the “condition” and if you find that you too suffer from SASS, I have the secret that will make it all better.  But first things first.  The symptoms:

  • Do you find yourself looking at your crackberry for the time but instead you see that you have an email.  You read the email, write and send your response, put the crackberry back into your pocket or handbag only to get it out again 30 seconds later to see the time but are distracted and check out facebook instead?  And the cycle continues……..(Maybe I should get a watch.)
  • Do you find yourself chanting, “Don’t forget to pick up milk, the drycleaning, the mail, the pregnancy test results, the children.  Don’t forget to pick up the children.”  ……….and then forget anyway.
  • Why doesn’t the “Who Do You Think You Are” show call me?  I’m certain my ancestry would be interesting.  You don’t come up with a piece of work such as myself by just one apple falling off the tree to the wrong side of the fence, you know.   It takes a whole orchard of wayward apples.  Wait!  That’s not a symptom…………….or is it?  See what I mean.  Focus, people.  Focus!
  • Do you nod and smile and pretend to be listening when a coworker is talking while you mentally make your grocery list only to realize at the end of their NEVERENDING story that they expect an intelligent response from you?  A bit of advice:  Never wing it.  Just apologize and admit you weren’t listening.  Ask them to repeat the story and hope that it doesn’t happen again.  And when it does………start with, “What do you think?”  It will give you some time to recompose yourself and fake a heart attack, aneurysm, bathroom emergency.
  • Have you ever had a headache and can’t take medication for it because you can’t remember if you already did? 

If you have ever experienced one or more of the above symptoms, you have SASS!  Do not despair, my friend.  You are in good company. *wink* 

And I have the secret that will make it all OK.  Blame it on the wine. 

Oh and…………………I forgot.  *sigh*



Hugs,
Smart Mouth Broad

26 comments:

blueviolet said...

It's confirmed. I've got SASS.

iasa said...

shucks, i better start drinking, so i can blame it on the wine

Brian Miller said...

i might prescribe more bacon...

Perfectly Unperfect said...

Facebook is a HUGE distraction for me. HUGE. And now that I play Farmville on there...HUGER! If huger is even a real word. Ha!

I have several of this symptoms...I guess I have SASS!!!

Snappy Di said...

No SASS here.

Oh, and I left Facebook.. required way too much of my time and suddenly I find I am much more productive around the house and have more time for other interests. It's GREAT! Gives me more time to sit around and eat bacon.

Deb said...

I must have SASS because I can't remember if I have taken my blood pressure medicine on a daily basis. I guess I could blame it on the wine or I could blame the high blood pressure on the wine. Hmmmmm. Eat more bacon!

only a movie said...

Even with pill counter thingies, I forget to take medicine. Silly.

Good to see you back, SMB. xo

Life in the mom lane said...

I definitely have SASS!!! :)

Arkansas Patti said...

Oh good grief, what can excuse can I use if I don't drink? Blame it on the grape juice? If I can remember, I'll try that.

Jan said...

I'm with Di. Social networking = a Jan who does no work (gawd help me, blogging is bad enough). Facebook, Twitter and Flickr all went bye-bye.

And here I thought I was just astoundingly menopausal when it was the wine and SASS all along.

Um...have you seen my kid? He was right here...

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

SASS, that makes it sound so cool. Yup, I've got it.

Stepping said...

OMGsh.....I have a very serious and advanced case of SASS. I recently read that the only cure was a week or two in a very peaceful place, a big cold alcoholic beverage and some TLC. I think I will try to get Coach to fill that Rx for me.

Heather said...

I definately suffer from SASS! I think I might have been born with it, the symptoms can be traced back as far as I can remember (hmm..how far back CAN I remember?).

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Oh God...I have SASS so bad I need a walker...

Duchess Omnium said...

I always blame it on the wine.

Michaela said...

I think BACON. Yummy, crispy, crunchy, pork-rindy bacon.
With maple syrup. Hey listen, SMB, Ive got an award Id like to pass on to you. I only just dicovered your blog, funny gal, but Im guessing you have quite a few stories that would befit this award. So, its yours for the takin' xxx Michaela, at Oxygen Masks Will Drop

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I've got SASS real bad. I think I need an intervention. Like a blogger's SASS retreat.

Meanwhile, I will continue with the bacon and wine therapy.

BTW I do that not listening thing way too often.

Jason, as himself said...

I think the Crackberry is the root of all of your problems you've mentioned here!

JeanMac said...

Oh, boy, sounds like me!

otin said...

I definitely have SASS! The part about the chanting made me laugh. Every morning when I walk out of the door I say out loud, "Wallet, Keys, Glasses, Phone". If I don't say it, I will forget them!

Reader Wil said...

I have Sass as well. Some financial advisor and his wife, talked me into a deal which cost me almost € 250,000.00 and I cannot get it back without a lawsuit.
The problem is: they pretended to be my friends! Some friends....!!!
Thanks for visiting! Have a nice week!

Tony Letts said...

SASS? I'm a founder member - glad it's not just me

Kathy said...

Milka-whaaaaaaaaaa?

;-)

Highton-Ridley said...

I think I've got SASS too, short something or other wasn't it? hehe!

Fragrant Liar said...

Good god, I've got so much SASS, I can't begin to list the ways.

But I can say I may be living in your neck of the woods soon. Er, maybe. Er, strong possibility. Er, I'll know this week!

Tresa said...

I've got SASS, big time. Just this morning I said repeatedly out loud, "focus....focus, Tresa...focus..."