Showing posts with label my arse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my arse. Show all posts

Sunday, December 12, 2010

HAPPY “@#$%&*” BIRTHDAY

Happy 50th birthday
The big day has finally arrived and as you read this, I’m probably still in bed with the covers pulled over my head, curled into a fetal position saying, “I don’t want to grow up!  I don’t want to grow up!”  But grow up, I must, or so they tell me. 

For the sake of humanity and the smell of Peppermint Mocha, I will crawl out of bed.  I will put on my big girl panties and suck it up.  I will soldier on armed with fuzzy socks and a very large glass of wine.  And I will do this for you.  Yes, YOU! 

It occurred to me over the past few weeks while searching for meaning and purpose in my life that the title of this blog promises “words of  wisdom” and it’s high time I start delivering the merchandise.  And so a plan started to develop:

As the self-appointed QUEEN OF EVERYTHING, I am quite certain that I do……know it ALL!  And what I don’t know, I am more than happy to make up.  It is in this spirit that I wish for you to benefit from my wisdom, my experience and my general knowitalliness.  I hereby  swear   promise   plan   hope to post a tidbit of wisdom here every day of my 50th year. (And before someone smarty points it out, I already know that it is technically my 51st year.  GEESH, you are pushing my buttons!”)  It is my hope that you will come to rely on these pages as your go-to source for life rules.  It will be a sacrifice, sure.  My family will once again grow accustomed to being ignored while I compose little pearls of wisdom for the “masses”.  Not to worry.  I live only to serve. 

What?  You don’t think you can take life advice from a woman who whispers to goats and will believe in Santa Claus until the day she dies?  SHUT UP!  I CANNOT handle turning fifty and rejection too! You just keep those thoughts to yourself and I will continue to live in the dream.  Listen!  I need purpose here, people!  This is the deal:  I post the gems that are truly words to live by and you continue to pretend to follow my advice and nobody gets hurt.  OK?


Stay tuned for the first life lesson tomorrow.  What?  You thought I was going to give you a tip today?  Forget that.  It’s my birthday.  I’m taking the day off. 

Love and Kisses,
SMB