Sunday, December 12, 2010

HAPPY “@#$%&*” BIRTHDAY

Happy 50th birthday
The big day has finally arrived and as you read this, I’m probably still in bed with the covers pulled over my head, curled into a fetal position saying, “I don’t want to grow up!  I don’t want to grow up!”  But grow up, I must, or so they tell me. 

For the sake of humanity and the smell of Peppermint Mocha, I will crawl out of bed.  I will put on my big girl panties and suck it up.  I will soldier on armed with fuzzy socks and a very large glass of wine.  And I will do this for you.  Yes, YOU! 

It occurred to me over the past few weeks while searching for meaning and purpose in my life that the title of this blog promises “words of  wisdom” and it’s high time I start delivering the merchandise.  And so a plan started to develop:

As the self-appointed QUEEN OF EVERYTHING, I am quite certain that I do……know it ALL!  And what I don’t know, I am more than happy to make up.  It is in this spirit that I wish for you to benefit from my wisdom, my experience and my general knowitalliness.  I hereby  swear   promise   plan   hope to post a tidbit of wisdom here every day of my 50th year. (And before someone smarty points it out, I already know that it is technically my 51st year.  GEESH, you are pushing my buttons!”)  It is my hope that you will come to rely on these pages as your go-to source for life rules.  It will be a sacrifice, sure.  My family will once again grow accustomed to being ignored while I compose little pearls of wisdom for the “masses”.  Not to worry.  I live only to serve. 

What?  You don’t think you can take life advice from a woman who whispers to goats and will believe in Santa Claus until the day she dies?  SHUT UP!  I CANNOT handle turning fifty and rejection too! You just keep those thoughts to yourself and I will continue to live in the dream.  Listen!  I need purpose here, people!  This is the deal:  I post the gems that are truly words to live by and you continue to pretend to follow my advice and nobody gets hurt.  OK?


Stay tuned for the first life lesson tomorrow.  What?  You thought I was going to give you a tip today?  Forget that.  It’s my birthday.  I’m taking the day off. 

Love and Kisses,
SMB

12 comments:

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Hey, I'll take all the lessons I can get. And this build up to turning 50? You'll feel much better tomorrow when that turn is all over and you're there.

Happy Birthday, you old (oh, wait. I meant) smart broad.

Pastor Sharon said...

Well, you deserve a good old fashioned heart blessing!

Bless your heart, honey! We have all been waiting patiently as you pulled up those big girl bloomers!

We are waiting, wanting, needing to gleen from you, those tidbits, those pearls, those gems you have to give us. . . in wisdom and life!

Happy Birthday!

Arkansas Patti said...

Happy Birthday you puppy you.
This portion of the "masses" awaits your wisdom.

Deb said...

Happy Birthday Smart Mouth. Remember there are worse things than turning 50 such as the alternative NOT turning 50. Have a great day today and we will look forward to more words of wisdom.

Lori said...

Happy Birthday sweet lady....I look forward to reading your words of wisdom from your smart mouth...you say you still believe in Santa Clause...of course there is a Santa Clause! XX

Jason, as himself said...

Oh, I can hardly wait! Happy, happy birthday, friend!

Keep those big girl panties on. Well, not ALL the time, that could be bad, just most of the time, when you need to wear panties, make sure they're the big girl ones.

Okay, bye.

Tessa said...

Happy, happy, happy birthday! Listen, girl, you ain't seen nuthin' yet! Wait until 60 comes up behind you, swinging a sock full of sand!

janie said...

You're FIFTY?>?? Oh My Gosh!! you're old. *wink*

blueviolet said...

If it makes you feel any better, I never in a million years would have thought you were fifty. Happy Birthday!

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm glad you're not just going to roll over and take it. Until tomorrow. Since you're younger than me, and you always will be, I can pick on you about age; but I do appreciate any wisdom you can impart as I seem to be lacking in that area.

Happy birthday, girl!

only a movie said...

Happy happy birthday, SMB. You look fab for any age. Can't wait for more words of wisdom... xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

I missed ready your stuff. But I saw you turned 50 and I knew the good stuff would be ozzing out of you. I will confess I started reading these at work, but had to stop when I couldn't help laughing out loud multiple times, in a very quiet office... Happy Belated Reading Your Blog Birthday!!!!!
Your every lovin' cousin, Cindy