Saturday, December 5, 2009



So I searched and I can’t find it but I could have sworn that I told you about the Damned Warm Cider last year.

Have you ever had one of those moments when something catches you completely by surprise and suddenly you’re laughing hysterically and no one else has a clue what is going on?

Last year on our return home from our annual trip to the Mouse House for the Very Merry Christmas Party my dear friend, Miss Lolly, was entertaining me with a story about going for a urine test for a new job. You’d really have to know Miss Lolly to appreciate the story and that will have to wait for another day. Miss Lolly’s story reminded me of the first time that the Pediatrician wanted a urine sample from Daugher #1 many years ago. I began to tell Miss Lolly, Daughter #2 and CinDEErella my tale.

Daughter #1 was two years old and at the doctor for her checkup. The nurse came in to take her temperature and then proceeded to explain to D1 that she needed her to go into the restroom with me and tinkle into the cup.

D1 immediately protested. “You tinkle in the potty. You drink from a cup.”

The nurse patiently explained to D1 that she needed her to tinkle in the cup so it could be tested to make sure that she was healthy. Again, D1 insisted, You tinkle in the potty. You drink from a cup.”

The nurse tried again saying, “I need you to tinkle into the cup. I will take the tinkle and test it to make sure that you are healthy.”

D1 looked at the nurse very sternly and said in her best grown-up voice, “Trust me, I’m healthy.” Let us not forget that she is the daughter of a smart mouthed broad.

The nurse eventually caved and handed the cup to me. "Try to get her to do it at home."

I was never one of those mothers that let their kids do whatever they wanted. I forced them to take icky medicine when necessary, pick up their toys, use their manners, etc. But you can't make a kid pee in a cup if they don't want to. It's just not going to happen and I said as much to the nurse.

After listening to my story Miss Lolly laughed and said, “Did they at least give her a cup that looked clinical?”

“Oh no!”, I said, “They gave her a cup that looked like what they give you at Williams and Sonoma to sample the warm cider.”

“Ewwwww! I hate that damned warm cider!”, Miss Lolly cried.

I began to laugh. We were all laughing but after everyone else got out their giggles, I was still rolling. I couldn’t breath. Tears were streaming down my face. It went on and on. They were all looking at me like I was nuts. It was embarrassing but I was still laughing so hard that I couldn’t explain. By the time we reached home, I was just beginning to recover.

You see, just that week I had been in Williams and Sonoma and sampled the warm cider. I thought it was very good. Being Williams and Sonoma, they had a lovely gift presentation. They had mugs, cinnamon sticks, mulling spices, and the cider. I bought the whole kit and kaboodle. In fact, I thought it was perfect gift for a few of our friends, Miss Lolly and her family being one of them. How the heck was I to know? Isn’t it unAmerican to hate warm cider. I was so proud of myself. I thought I had the perfect gift. I confessed my sins to Miss Lolly and then she laughed so hard that she cried too.

Of course I found something else to give Miss Lolly & Co. And we had a very special beverage with all the fixins at our Christmas Eve Open House. And it was known from that time on as “The Damned Warm Cider.” Everyone loved it. (with a little spiced rum)

And now for a little Christmas Cheer: My favorite Christmas decorations

“I may be rushing things but deck the halls again now!”

DSC03327 How I start my letter to Santa every year

Smart Mouth Broad


blueviolet said...

I can just picture you with tears streaming down your face from laughing so hard! I'm glad you found out then so she didn't have to pretend as if she liked the gift!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Loved the 'damned warm cider' story oh so much.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Oh. And the seach thingy works just fine and I am making white trash next weekend ; -)

And. Seriously. My word veri is redry. As in redry those laughter tears and start all over!

Jan said...

I'm sorry - I got sidetracked LMAO with "You tinkle in the potty - you drink from a cup."

I think I love that kid.

only a movie said...

I must be unAmerican.

Hysterical story, SMB. xo

otin said...

You are making me feel all warm and fuzzy with these Christmas posts and decor, or maybe it is the spiced rum that is making me feel that way! lol

Anonymous said...

I think I'm switching to eggnog with a splash of rum. At least I won't think of pee every time I take a sip. LOL

Cute story.
The Blue Ridge Gal

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Are you saying the nurse was trying to get D1 to pee into a seasonal ceramic mug???? WTH? Blech!

Cristin said...

Hyfreakingsterical! I happen to love warm apple cider, but will giggle and think of you next time I enjoy some!

demainca said...

Now that sounds like something my daughter would say! I am laughing so hard. Funny story. I am glad that I don't care for "Damned Warm Cider"! I will stick to Egg Nog for sure!

Heather said...

Too funny! D1 was wise beyond her years!

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

What a cute story! :) I was afraid...well...anyway...what a cute story!! :)

Arkansas Patti said...

Too funny though I was scared it was going somewhere else also.
You definitely raised D1 right.
You will be thought of a lot this season as we drink our "damned warm cider".

Gaston Studio said...

Too funny that D1 told the nurse the obvious, to her at least! Did you ever get her to tinkle in the cup?

I LOVE the way you start each letter to Santa!

Brian Miller said...

i love warmed cider...yum...though i imagine after peeing in the cup, i may have a hard time trusting it...and the line you open your letter with...priceless...

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

As a peds nurse, I would've Loved your daughter's response!
HELLO, did they never hear of having her pee in a small basin under the rim and Pouring it into the cup???
I will never look at warmed cider quite the same again.

Tony Letts said...

Luckily, I don't drink cider - Phew!

Anonymous said...

could use some of that hot cider here today... only -5 and snowing:)


Little Ms Blogger said...

I think you should give Miss Lolly the cider and include a card that reads: "Damned Warm Cider or Urine Sample"....You choose.

Happy Holidays...

JOE TODD said...

Do you leave santa hot chocolate or warm cider??LOL

Beth Niquette said...

I absolutely ADORE the story. (grin) ((hugs)) Thank you for the laughter. It is good to laugh.

smiles4u said...

There is nothing like laughing so hard that you have tears streaming down your face! So you have a fire place in Florida and I don't in Minnesota? There is something wrong with this picture! :)