THE DAMNED WARM CIDER

So I searched and I can’t find it but I could have sworn that I told you about the Damned Warm Cider last year.

Have you ever had one of those moments when something catches you completely by surprise and suddenly you’re laughing hysterically and no one else has a clue what is going on?

Last year on our return home from our annual trip to the Mouse House for the Very Merry Christmas Party my dear friend, Miss Lolly, was entertaining me with a story about going for a urine test for a new job. You’d really have to know Miss Lolly to appreciate the story and that will have to wait for another day. Miss Lolly’s story reminded me of the first time that the Pediatrician wanted a urine sample from Daugher #1 many years ago. I began to tell Miss Lolly, Daughter #2 and CinDEErella my tale.

Daughter #1 was two years old and at the doctor for her checkup. The nurse came in to take her temperature and then proceeded to explain to D1 that she needed her to go into the restroom with me and tinkle into the cup.

D1 immediately protested. “You tinkle in the potty. You drink from a cup.”

The nurse patiently explained to D1 that she needed her to tinkle in the cup so it could be tested to make sure that she was healthy. Again, D1 insisted, You tinkle in the potty. You drink from a cup.”

The nurse tried again saying, “I need you to tinkle into the cup. I will take the tinkle and test it to make sure that you are healthy.”

D1 looked at the nurse very sternly and said in her best grown-up voice, “Trust me, I’m healthy.” Let us not forget that she is the daughter of a smart mouthed broad.

The nurse eventually caved and handed the cup to me. "Try to get her to do it at home."

I was never one of those mothers that let their kids do whatever they wanted. I forced them to take icky medicine when necessary, pick up their toys, use their manners, etc. But you can't make a kid pee in a cup if they don't want to. It's just not going to happen and I said as much to the nurse.

After listening to my story Miss Lolly laughed and said, “Did they at least give her a cup that looked clinical?”

“Oh no!”, I said, “They gave her a cup that looked like what they give you at Williams and Sonoma to sample the warm cider.”

“Ewwwww! I hate that damned warm cider!”, Miss Lolly cried.

I began to laugh. We were all laughing but after everyone else got out their giggles, I was still rolling. I couldn’t breath. Tears were streaming down my face. It went on and on. They were all looking at me like I was nuts. It was embarrassing but I was still laughing so hard that I couldn’t explain. By the time we reached home, I was just beginning to recover.

You see, just that week I had been in Williams and Sonoma and sampled the warm cider. I thought it was very good. Being Williams and Sonoma, they had a lovely gift presentation. They had mugs, cinnamon sticks, mulling spices, and the cider. I bought the whole kit and kaboodle. In fact, I thought it was perfect gift for a few of our friends, Miss Lolly and her family being one of them. How the heck was I to know? Isn’t it unAmerican to hate warm cider. I was so proud of myself. I thought I had the perfect gift. I confessed my sins to Miss Lolly and then she laughed so hard that she cried too.

Of course I found something else to give Miss Lolly & Co. And we had a very special beverage with all the fixins at our Christmas Eve Open House. And it was known from that time on as “The Damned Warm Cider.” Everyone loved it. (with a little spiced rum)

And now for a little Christmas Cheer: My favorite Christmas decorations

“I may be rushing things but deck the halls again now!”

How I start my letter to Santa every year

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad