Sunday, July 26, 2009


I’m a rule maker and a rule breaker. For most of my life, I’ve followed the rules. I’m a people pleaser. I don’t like to disappoint. I like to have a clear conscience when I lay my head on that most uncomfortable pillow in the world at night. As I’ve gotten older (and we ALL know I’m getting older) I tend to bend, twist, jiggle and downright disregard the rules if they don’t suit me. And sometimes, I like to make them up. These are but a few of the rules with which I was raised and still follow or I made up on my own.

1. Never eat more than two cookies at one time. However cookie dough may be eaten by the bowls.

2. Never give a wallet or a handbag as a gift without money in it (even if it’s just a penny). It’s bad luck.

3. Always smile and wave hello to someone passing by on your street. Friendly is better.

4. Always take at least a bite of birthday cake when offered. To do otherwise is like unwishing a happy birthday.

5. A dill pickle must be served with a grilled cheese. It is the law. I have mentioned this one here before but it bears repeating.

6. Never cheat at cards, board games, love or life.

7. Never lie. Omitting the truth is a viable option. Lying about one’s age, real hair color or your weight is an acceptable exception to the rule.

8. Never touch Mommy’s stash of dark chocolate hidden way back in the freezer.

9. If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And if Daddy ain’t happy, ain’t nobody cares.

10. Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

What are your rules?

Smart Mouth Broad


Linda said...

One my Mom passed to me "Anything brown ie cookies, brownies, cake, eaten standing over the kitchen sink had no calories."

midlife slices said...

My rules are.....break all the rules because you only live once. :)

only a movie said...

Be nice. Tell the truth. Always wear your seat belt. Don't eat the last junior mint.
Stuff like that.
Really fun post, SM.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

The only rule I had that wasn't on your list was the one Linda there ya go!

LOVED it! :)

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I must be tired. I can't think of a single rule I have. Now, if you ask all the ones I've broken? That I can answer.

Tony Letts said...

Lovely post! But we have a saying...'rules are made to be broken'. My favourite one handed down is 'Try to do your best..angels can do no more'.
One of my own is 'the pen is mightier than the email'. I do think it's nice to actually write to people you care about sometimes.

Jason, as himself said...

Those are great rules. Except that daddy one.

Reader Wil said...

My first rule is: Always answer the comments on your blog, for it is not kind if one doesn't return the visit. You always do!! Thanks!
Second rule : Don't criticize some one if he or she is not asking for it. Same with advise.

otin said...

I'll have to think on it for a bit, but I may come up with something! I always love a Godfather reference! LOL!

Mrsupole said...

Rules are made to be broken.

This is the most important rule to live by. But I do like all of your rules and would hope that no would break Rule #8. Although my chocolate is hidden all over the house. So as long as they can find it, the grandkids can eat it. It is just that I forget where I hid it and so when I find it, I hide it again so that I don't eat it. That is why I hide it, so that I won't eat it. I know that sounds silly, but I just have to know that it is there somewhere in the house, just in case I do ever want to eat it. Which sadly I do every so often.

God bless.

Hit 40 said...

COME ON!!! I am not allowed to cheat to lose at a board game??? Does your rule just count if you are cheating to win?? I love to finish bored games as quickly as possible.

Jan said...

Rules? What rules?

The Peach Tart said...

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

that's still a good rule to live by

lasvegas said...

I'm stealing this list and handing it out to everyone in my family...

nothingfancy1 said...

I agree with all of your rules, with one's supposed to be a SWEET pickle with that grilled cheese sandwich. No exceptions!

Some of my rules?
*Always write a thank you note, even if you thanked the giver in person.
*Listen.Listen. Listen. Cuz you learn alot more when you're listening, than when you're talking.
*Never clean your plate. Always leave at least one bite for the old maid / old divorcee - otherwise, that'll be you!

Good grief...there are just too many to remember...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Be nice. Think of others.

Be as truthful as possible...

What is your take on when someone asks a question that is none of their business?

What does it say about me that I am more comfortable with a white lie than saying it is none of their business?

I've been ruined by my crazy mother, me thinks.

darsden said...

rotflmao...never heard of dills on a grill cheese before...
I can't get behind on a lot of your rules and take them for me too.

Pastor Sharon said...

I saw serve dill pickle spears with EVERYTHING. . . !!!!!

darsden said...

Dang here's my sign

Joanna Jenkins said...

I definitely live by the dill pickle with a grilled cheese sandwich-- Otherwise what's the point o dirtying the pan!!!!


Tami W. said...

My rules:
Grilled cheese sandwhich is supposed to be served with avocados on the side. Pickles will do in a pinch.

Diet Pepsi is not a subsitute for Diet Coke.

Taking the chunks of meat out of a stew or soup doesn't make it a vegetarian dish.

When ever anyone comes to my house I always make my parking spot available to them.

You can't hold an infant too much.

Never leave my camera at home.

Try everything at least once.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Linda-I love that rule!
MLS-Sounds like the best rule EVER to me.
Movie-All good rules. :-)
Stacy-It's a keeper.
MLJH-Feel free to borrow mine.
Tony-I much prefer a handwritten note too but email is just so darn easy and I'm so darn lazy.
Jason-Yeah, you know I was just kidding on that one. I worship the Daddy.
Wil-You are so sweet!
Otin-Only the best line ever!
Mrsupole-That's hilarious that you hide the chocolate from yourself.
Hit40-Honey, you're playing the wrong games.
Jan-I should have known.
PT-Can't argue with the bible.
Lasvegas-I'm happy to share.
Fancy-I'm going to have to argue on the sweet pickle thing but I agree with all the rest.
Pseudo-Me thinks your mother must have done something right or maybe you're just so wonderful in spite of her.
dar-I meant with not on but now you've given me a whole new idea.
PS-My kind of girl!
dar-No, I really think you could be onto something.
TW-I love avocados but never had them with a grilled cheese. You crazy Californians. LOL

Donna said...

Yes, rules are made to be broken ,but it depends on what the case is and whether its worth breaking that rule.I have some rules that I have broken and some I will not break.

1.Go into the store with 4 kids t
their hands better be on the cart.

2.If you are misbehaving then there will be no playing video games that day.

3.No food or drink beyond the kitchen.( like that really works)

4.There will be no standing at the table while eating.(yeah right)

5.No tv after 8:30 pm.(HA yeah!).

6. No jumping off the ladder into the pool

7.Do not hit the fish tank.

8.No playingin the diningroom.(I have some expensive stuff and old. plus my curio w/ my eagles. I would beat me some ass.)

The numbers 1,2,6,7,and 8 are just some of the rules that I will put my foot down on. Some think that I am to stict because I won't let thm get away with anything. But, they have a great-grandmother who thinks they can do no wrong.(uuummmmmmm I think my mother has lost her mind and has forgotten what it is like to have kids).

Donna said...

I have only one question.Where in Florida do you live ? Just wondering, because my sister Brandi lives in Jacksonville. Just wondering!

Mrs. K said...

my rules are similar except i love cake batter more than i like cookie dough. i drink it like a shake- and then pay for it afterwards of course.

MilesPerHour said...

Just that the more rules you have, the more that can be broken.

Beth said...

How did I miss this post? My whole life is based on rules.

The shower door MUST be closed when you get out.

There are many foods that should NEVER touch.

Treat others as they want to be treated.

Always kiss and makeup. Life is too short to stay mad.