…….OR BITE ME – (You choose.)
I’m about to “celebrate” a big birthday. Yeah….THAT one. And so far, I’m not dealing with the idea very well. I’ve never been one to be bothered by the passing of another age milestone:
Thirty? I was THRIVING. Didn’t phase me.
Forty? Lordy, this is fun. Bring it on.
But FIFTY? In the last few months, the decline in my physical, mental and emotional well-being is snow-balling at a break-
my flippin’-neck pace. The eye-sight is going fast. Everything hurts. And I hear they are planning to give my arse its own zip code soon.
I guess part of the problem is that as Martina McBride would say, “Every morning when I drink my coffee, I can’t believe my life has turned out this way.” That’s not to say that I’m not blessed. Certainly I am. And by contrast, when I compare my life to some, I admit that I feel a little ashamed of myself for whining. But whining and/or wining makes me feel better, Dammick!
As the self-appointed Queen of Everything, one might think that I would be above such triviality. It’s really just a number after all. But it’s a really BIG number. Waaaaaaaa.
I’ve never been one to make a plan. In fact, bad things happen when I make plans, so I just don’t make them. I choose to live my life by the seat of my pants. I play it by ear. I go with the flow. Whichever way the wind blows me. I really hope you get the idea here because I seem to be out of clichés. (And I never thought that could happen.)
I’m afraid that my lack of planning has left me feeling that I have lived without purpose. Could it be that I was meant to do more than spread good cheer and nonsense wherever I go? Is this it? I mean after half a century, I should be able to look back and say, “WOW! Look at all I’ve accomplished!” Is it too late to take stock? Perhaps a nice midlife crisis would do the trick but I don’t have time for that!
I have to do something……even if it’s wrong. Surely there is something I can do that will put me on the path to self fulfillment and enlightenment. I’ve listed some possibilities:
- I could run away and join the circus. I’m pretty sure I would make a really great trapeze artist. (Do those costumes come in extra large?)
- I could join the Peace Corps. (Except I heard they send you to countries that have no cheese!)
- I’ve given serious consideration to becoming an alcoholic but I keep forgetting to keep drinking after one glass of wine.
- I could move to the beach and sell velvet Elvis paintings by the shore. (a life-long dream of mine)
- CIA? Covert Operative? I AM an excellent markswoman. I could do great things with a sniper rifle
and work out my midlife frustrations at the same time. Nah, I can never keep a secret. *sigh*
Will SMB survive the BIG ONE? Stay tuned.