Thursday, December 16, 2010

LIE TO ME…….DAMMICK!

Dear Young Chickie that Works under my Supervision and has no Idea that a Woman who just turned 50 is a little on edge and this one in particular owns a GUN:

Next time you decide to attempt to lavish me with compliments; dig a little deeper.  Use your imagination for pity sake. 


Respectfully,
Your loving and gracious office manager.

Now get the hell out of my office before I ………. I ………well, I oughtta …..

angry old lady
(Fifty + 4 days)

Allow me to paint the picture for you:


Yesterday before leaving the office, I got out my paint palate, a brush and some hairspray and headed for the ladies room.  I explained that I was meeting Daughter #1 at the mall and that you never know who you might run into at the mall.  “I don’t want anyone to think I’ve let myself go.”


Young Oblivious Coworker says, “It’s not like you’re Fif……..ty.”   She tried to stop in time but it was too late.  It was already out there. 


OH.YES.SHE.DID!


The left eyebrow was raised in her direction.  The sneer became impossible to conceal.  The hair was standing up at the back of my neck.  There was some gnashing of teeth.




1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.   Deep breathes. Deep breathes.


I finally stopped hyperventilating and continued on to the ladies room.  That's when I heard:


"If it makes you feel any better, I still think you look 49."


NO!  IT DOESN'T!


There's a good reason I leave my gun at home locked in a safe.

7 comments:

Life in the mom lane said...

"If it makes you feel any better, I still think you look 49."

I think I would've used the gun.

*wishing violent diarehha on her*

Gaston Studio said...

Thank GOD that gun is locked up. Deep breaths dear one, deep breaths... she'll get hers one day.

Lori said...

Oh no she didn't! LOL at the comments..."violent diarehha" and Jane is right, she will get hers someday too. :)

injaynesworld said...

Happy Birthday. Been there and cruised right past. I declare it the "Don't Fuck With Me 50" birthday and vowed never to take any crap from anyone ever again -- and I haven't. that little girl would have found herself face down in the toilet bowl. But then, I've been at this over 50 thing a bit longer than you have. ;)

JeanMac said...

totally clueless

Pseudo said...

OH!!! Busy, inconsiderate me. I missed your birthday! Happy Happy, Happy Birthday my dear friend. I can punch anyone in the face who pisses you off as your present if you like...

only a movie said...

You look early 40s, tops.

My grandmother used to say she felt 27 no matter what age. I'm beginning to feel like that's about right. Perpetually 27.

xo