IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING.......

IT’S GOOD TO BE QUEEN

Just ask them.

Well, this Royal looks happy.

  This queen looks very happy.

And they look………..well………….uh……….smug.  And that’s a special kind of happy.

Now that I’m the self-appointed Queen of All Things, I can tell you that it IS good to be Queen.  I’m sure you all agree that I’m totally deserving after my brilliant first official royal act:   Ridding the world of that villain, February.  All hail Her Royal Highness, SMB!
  
February is history, so that got me thinking.  Daylight Savings Time is right around the corner.  I’m OK with that.  It’s the “springing forward” that I don’t like.  “Falling back” and gaining an hour,  I’m all over that.  Losing an hour?  Not so much.

So here’s my plan.  We will skip the whole “spring forward” thing.  We will “fall back” on schedule in the fall as usual.  And then once every 24 years, we’ll just spring ahead a whole day and we won’t even miss it. 

I know.  Sometimes I even amaze myself.  

What else can we do to change the world into a kinder, gentler place for all?




Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad

I HAVE A DREAM

February, true to form, has been rearing its ugly head and showing us just how incredibly stinky it can be.  Let it be said, here and now:  FEBRUARY SUCKS!

I usually like to keep this blog full of rainbows and sunshine, puffy hearts and glitter, flowers and big smiley faces.  You get the idea.  I’m not a stranger to a good rant now and again but for the most part, I like to forget keeping it real and instead keep it hopeful in these pages.  But not today.  Sorry, peeps but I can’t let this one go by without screaming at the top of my lungs, shaking my fists and shooting something.  Now where’s my gun?  Somebody get my gun.

Daddy and I flew to Indiana for an unscheduled trip last weekend.  His best friend since grade school passed away after a long illness.   Maintaining a friendship for a lifetime is so rare these days.  It says a lot to me about both men that they’ve managed to remain a part of each other’s lives despite life and all its busy nonsense.  I have known this wonderful man and his family all my life.  He was the father of seven children.  His older children were my babysitters when our parents went out and I grew up with the younger kids.  They were there with us when my mother died and I was honored to be there with them in their time of grief.

Some might say that his passing was a blessing in light of his suffering.  And that may be so but February in all its SUCKINESS stepped in like only February can.  You see this family was still reeling from the tragic loss of his 17 year old grandson only 8 days before his death.  A grandson, a son, a brother, a friend to many, a Senior in high school, an athlete, by all accounts a great kid: Gone in the blink of an eye.

This family had a funeral for a family member 3 out of  4 Saturdays in February.  (An aunt had died the week prior.)  They always say that God never gives you more than you can handle.  This may be true but do we really have to be tested like this?  When I get to Heaven (and I know I’m going coz I’m so pure of heart and all), I’m going to have a lot of questions for the BIG GUY upstairs.  I just can’t wrap my head around this.

If you are new here, let me recap the crap that February has dumped on us in the past.

2004:

• My mother died
• My husband’s grandmother died 4 days later.
• My husband had emergency surgery between the two funerals 1200 miles from home.
• Upon our return home from the funerals, MHS wrecked his truck.  Thankfully, February cut us some slack and no one was injured.

And these were just the worst of it.  Every February since then has sucked.  And this year has been no exception.  (See above)

So here’s what I’m proposing:

Let’s change to an eleven month year and just move right from January to March.  Sure, there are those of you who have birthdays in February.  No worries, we’ll just move your birthday to that same day in March.  There are all sorts of bonuses to my plan.  We will no longer have to deal with leap year and all its confusion.  No more stress about a relationship status-appropriate gift for Valentine’s Day.   No worries about spending the big V Day alone. No more doghouse for forgetful husbands.  No more of those stupid, chalky hearts that say cutesy little sentiments.  (I might miss those)  We can eat chocolate in March.  Oh and let’s not forget that February tends to dump a lot of snow up North just about the time they are sick and tired of winter and its stinkiness.  The advantages are endless, I tell ya.

So peeps, are ya with me? Can we get this movement started?  Who do I call?  Should we start with the US?  North America?  I say, “GO BIG OR GO HOME!”  Let’s change the world.  We can do it.  YES.WE.CAN! 

Now just sign on this dotted line:

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BE STILL, MY HEART!

My eyes barely fluttered open.  I was in that state of not quite awakiness where you are aware that it is morning but you’re not quite ready to face it.  Slowly the realization that today is Valentine’s Day settles into my brain.  I snuggle a little closer to the warm body lying beside me.  I open my eyes a little more and smile.  He smiles back and has that look.  It’s February 14th and he has only ONE thing on his mind:

Today’s the day they are blowing up a high-rise in West Palm Beach on the Intercoastal! 

He’s such a ROMANTIC! 

“Do you feel like going or do you just want to stay here and watch it on TV?”, he says with that look  that pleads, “Don’t deny me this excitement!”

So we got ready and bundled up (Florida style) for the big event.  My Harley Stud is very familiar with Palm Beach and knew just the spot that would put us directly across the water from the tower.  Armed with coffee in my favorite thermos, my camera, tissues (we both have a cold) and our phones, we made the what I’m told was four block walk but I could have sworn it was more like 10 blocks – It’s cold and I have the sniffles – to the perfect spot across the Intercoastal waterway from the blasting site. 

It was a beautiful day for an explosion!

As we gather with the anxious crowd, I slip my camera out of my pocket only to discover that my battery is dead.  Grrrrrrr.  “No worries.” says MHS.  “We have our phones.”  It appears that nothing is going to spoil the “romance” of this very special Valentine date. 

Don’t let the grumpy face fool you.  He was HAPPY to hold my thermos while I took his picture and he was REALLY HAPPY to be there for the implosion!

The implosion was scheduled for 9am.  It didn’t happen at 9am.  About that time, MHS asked me if I had video on my phone.  I confirmed that I did but I’d never used it and was afraid that I would miss the whole thing while I tried to find it.  So there I stood holding my phone up in the air waiting for the big moment.  It is surprising to me how heavy a 4.58 oz phone gets when you’re holding it in the air for over five minutes.  I really need to get back to the gym.    

Finally the moment arrived.  First we saw little puffs of smoke come out of the sides of the building.  Then we saw it start to tumble down even before we heard it.  It was so cool! 

See the little puffs of smoke to the left of the building?

I’ve had a little fun at MHS’s expense here mocking his lack of romance but the truth is:  I loved it.  Truth be known, there’s a bit of a 12 year old boy living inside of me.  I love blowing things up.  I love to watch things blow up.   I love to shoot things.   And occasionally my humor tends to lean toward adolescent boyishness. 

And……………………….it’s gone!

After it was all over, I turned to MHS and said, “I got the before and after but I missed the whole tumbling down part.  Did you get it?”  He said, “I got it on video.”  

What the……..!  This is a man who asks me to send text messages for him.  I’ve taught him everything he knows about how to use his phone.  And apparently I’ve done a great job because while I stood there like a fool with my arm up in the air worried that I would miss the big moment, he went right to his video app on his blackberry and recorded the whole thing.

Well, almost the whole thing.  It didn’t really happen as fast as it appears in the video.  So the best we can’t figure is that he hit the pause by mistake at some point in the process.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone! 

MHS and I hope that your HEART DAY goes off with a big BANG!

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

Dear Big Fat Jerk……..or quite possibly Little Skinny Jerk…….or even Big Skinny Jerk……now that I think about it you could be a Little Fat Jerk or maybe just Dear Average Unknown Jerk:

Even though it was my first time to volunteer at the Soup Kitchen in probably 10 years, I will not let the fact that you sprayed some unknown substance all over my helpless little car and hocked up a disgusting wad of …..yeah…..THAT all over my drivers side door stop me from returning to serve others next month although next time I will drive MHS’s old truck and may or may not be packing heat.
 
Please know that I hold no ill will against you.  In fact I prayed that someone would spit in your face for you.  You may have been one of the people I cheerfully served with a hot meal.  Maybe not.  Either way, I’ll be there next month with a smile and two helping hands.  Let’s try to play nice.

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad