Tuesday, March 31, 2009


By now, you've probably seen the cover of this week's People magazine. You know the one with little Valerie Bertinelli, the girl we all loved in One Day at a Time. She is 48 now, soon to be 49 years old and revealed her smokin' hot, new body, in a bikini no less, on the cover. Yeah, I hate her. But seriously, good for her. This struck a chord with me because we are the same age. Well, she's a bit older. *smirk*

Ironically the People magazine arrived in my office mailbox yesterday: The very same day that I woke up, took one look in the mirror and said, "Who the hell are you?" I didn't recognize the face staring back at me. I look like crap! There are bags under my eyes that you could pack for a month long vacation. There are lines on my face that would give MapQuest a run for its money. I don't even want to talk about my grey roots. Does anyone know how to get your hair to stop growing? Oh and let's not forget the mini me that's attached itself to my mid-section. Oh yeah, there's a whole other person cohabitating with my body. I've got proof. Just look at the scale. Wait! Stop! You're just going to have to take my word for it on that. Bottom line: I've come to the realization that I'm no longer pushing forty. I'm draggin it.

It took a while but I finally got over the shock of this over-night transformation, (Don't tell me it didn't happen overnight. That's my story and I'm stickin to it.) So I sat myself down and had a talk with myself. It went something like this:

Me: "Damn, girl! You've really let yourself go."

Me also: "Go where? Where are we going? "

*Apparently the new me is not only a wreck, she's also stupid. Grrr.*

Me: "We've got to do something about this. What do you propose that we do?"

Me also: "I like donuts. Can we go get donuts?"

Me: "That's it. You're going back to the gym today! You're going back on the South Beach Diet" There is no excuse for a woman your age to let herself go like this, Do you hear me, Soldier?"

Me also: "Does that mean we can't stop at Dunkin Donuts? Not even for a muffin?"

Me: "You are really thick, you know it?"

So then I get to the office and see cutesy, little Ms. Bertinelli on the cover. That might have p*ssed off a weaker woman. Not me! It just strengthened my resolve. If VB can do it by her 49th birthday, by gosh, so can I. *Oh dear Lord, have I lost my mind?*

I've got until December 2009 to literally get my rear in gear. I'm going to start drinking more water and less wine beer coffee. I'm going to get more rest. I'm going to hit the gym or exercise elsewhere vigorously 4-5 times a week. I am going to follow the South Beach Diet because it works for me when I actually follow it. I'm not saying that I'll be modeling any bikini come December but mark my words:

I will be a smaller, fitter, crankier happier Smart Mouth Broad.

And I'll be doing it all…….One Day at a Time.

Monday, March 30, 2009


Pseudo of Pseudonymous High School Teacher tagged me with the Sisterly Love badge a couple years months weeks ago. At the time, I had a few other posts already planned and then a few more current events hit that just begged to be blogged about. I am honored that Pseudo would think of me for this but I kept putting it on the back burner. Thank you, Pseudo!

I am the baby of the family. As the only product of a second marriage for my mother and the only child for my father, I arrived much later than my siblings. My sisters were seventeen and thirteen when I was born. My brother was twelve. The difference in our ages during my upbringing created a relationship with my siblings that more resembled extra parents than true sister/brother relationships. I have no recollection of any of them as anything other than an adult. Nevertheless, a bond was formed and now that we are all adults, we share a normal sibling relationship. Normal being a relative term here. If you've been a reader here for long, you've met my brother and sister and let's just say we all share that Goofy gene that was handed down from our mother, Lucy.

What I'm getting at is that I didn't have the pillow-fight, make-up sharing, got your back kind of sisterhood with my sisters when I was growing up. They were busy raising their own children and in fact my eldest niece is only 3 years younger than I am. I love my siblings dearly and we are very close, don't get me wrong. It's just a different sort of relationship.

I forged sister like relationships with my best friends from my childhood and am fortunate to still enjoy the blessings of those friendships. I have friends that I may not speak to for months and not see for years but when we get together, it is like no time has passed. We become the same giggle girls we were when we were young. Our stories just get a little juicier. Leaving my friends to move to Florida was really hard. We don't get to see each other near as often as I would like. Beauty's daughter just got married this past weekend and I would have loved to have been there. I wasn't able to go and that breaks my heart. I really wanted to be there for this major moment in Beauty's life. It's hard to miss the big stuff in a loved one's life. But one thing I know for sure is that Beauty knows I love her. She knows how much I wanted to be there. She knows she better have lots of pictures to show me. And the next time we are together, it will once again be like we've never been apart.

My relationship with my siblings and my chosen sisters is like that because we are always together in our hearts. Love doesn't acknowledge time or distance. It's just love.

The rules for passing on this award are:

Pass it on to those you choose. They must write about their sisterly relationship. That's it. I've made friends here in bloggyville that I never would have imagined and feel a sisterhood with all of you. Yes, even the guys. Consider yourself my sister. Don't you feel special now? Well you are to me. I'm tagging each and every one of you. Take it or leave it. I love you all.



Saturday, March 28, 2009


Spring has sprung but someone forgot to tell our friends out West. Blogging friends from Illinois, Oklahoma, Texas and Colorado are reporting more snow. Poor Midlife Slices is stuck in Oklahoma when she really wants to be in Texas. Don't hate me but as I write this the sun is shining and it's in the 80s. From where I sit I can see My Harley Stud occasionally walking past the front windows doing some much-needed yard work as a "break" from the project he is working on. Would it make you feel better if I said I'm stuck inside working on our tax preparation?

My head is spinning from number crunching so I thought I would take a little break. My mind wandered to my friends out West who are not feeling the effects of Spring yet. This brought comfort food to mind. When the going gets cold, I always turn to comfort food. The good, old fashioned Midwestern delights my Grandma use to serve. We had our own cold snap awhile back and I whipped up some chicken and noodles. I thought it might be a good time to share my recipe. It doesn't have to be cold outside to enjoy this carb-LOADED treat, it will warm the cockles of your heart regardless. And Janie, if you don't really care for this dish, you could always spread it across the highway to melt the snow as you go.

This recipe is a quickie version of what my Grandmother used to serve on a regular basis. She had eight children and raised them during the Great Depression. The dish is very pocket-book friendly. It definitely qualifies for a Money in the Bank post so I'll
have to remember to link

Measuring when cooking isn't my thing. If you are a person who requires exact amounts for a recipe, you should probably skip anything I have to offer. When I give a measurement, I'm guessing. I'm at my best in the kitchen when I can just feel my way through. Sometimes there is more of one thing and another time less of another. No two dishes are the same but they are usually good. Give it a whirl and let me know what you think.

Chicken and Noodles

1 Rotisserie chicken (skinned and boned, meat shredded)
2-3 Carrots (chopped)
2-3 Stalks of celery (chopped)
1/2 large onion (chopped)
Olive oil - a swirl around the pan
2 boxes of chicken stock
1 package homemade noodles
salt and pepper to taste
fresh or dried thyme to taste. (I will use poultry seasoning if I don't have thyme)

***The following photographs are taken while standing on my toes. I'm short and the pan is tall. I apologize if they are a little fuzzy. I'll have to work more on my balance in yoga class.***

Start by sauteing the the vegetables in olive oil until tender. Grandma's recipe didn't include any vegetables. I like how they add color, texture and flavor to the dish. Sorry, Gramma. It doesn't hurt to have the added nutrients either. :-)

Once the veggies are tender, add the shredded chicken and I usually season with the salt, pepper and thyme at this point. You can make this dish by stewing your own chicken or using left-overs, of course. I can assure you that my grandmother NEVER bought a rotisserie chicken.

I usually prefer to use stock instead of broth as I think it gives a greater depth to the flavor. I use two of these boxes.
When I went to the store to get the chicken stock, this chicken broth was on sale as a buy one, get one. I quickly made an executive decision to scrap my original choice in favor of the bigger, better deal. No one except me was the wiser. My grandmother would use the stock she made from the original chicken. Both ways are good, my quick version makes up in convenience and time whatever might be lost in Grandma's "from scratch" way. Gramma didn't work the hours (outside the home) that I do. I think she would be proud of me still. :-)

Add the chicken stock/broth and stir. Bring to a boil and add the noodles.
Bring to a boil again and then lower to simmer.
Continue to taste and season as you go.

This groovy little bag of noodle love may not look like much to you. I only use home-made noodles. I can get away with adding a few veggies but I'm sure that poor Gramma would roll over in her grave if she knew I used store bought noodles. Sadly, I don't have the recipe for my grandmother's noodles. My cousin, the long, lost blogger has it. Gramma must have loved her more. *pout* I'm forced to "import" my noodles from the Egg Lady in Indiana via my father. (This dish becomes even more economical when Daddy buys the noodles.) There is a woman on a chicken farm in Indiana near our home town that makes home-made egg noodles and sells them. My mother always bought her noodles. Now Daddy buys them once a year and shares them with me. If you're feeling ambitious and want to try your hand at making them yourself, check out my cousin's blog. She didn't post the recipe but tells about the process. There are just a few ingredients and if you really want to try it, I'm sure she would email you the recipe. Right, cousin? I'm going to have to get it myself too. I'm not sure I'll ever make them but I think it's just wrong that I don't have it. *pouting again* I thought the Egg Lady was really old when I lived in Indiana. I can't imagine how old she is now. I'm thinking 125, maybe.

I'm not foolish enough to think that all or maybe even any of you are going to take a whack at making your own noodles, (have you checked the drying process?) or that you're going to call the Egg Lady. Store bought noodles will work just fine in this recipe. Just don't tell me, OK? I might not get over it.

This photograph was taken after the noodles had been simmering for awhile. They will continue to thicken the broth as they soften. The longer you cook them, the thicker they get.

I know that most people are going to think we Hoosiers have lost our minds but when everything is ready, we serve this yummy concoction over mashed potatoes. Yeah, yeah, I hear ya, already.
Add a salad and you'll feel better about yourself. Yeast rolls or parkerhouse rolls are also a must. Serve them hot with lots of butter.

Hey, I said it was cheap and delicious. I didn't say anything about healthy!

This dish doesn't look so appealing. The colors are too bland. I could have jazzed it up with some fresh parsley but Gramma never did it that way.



Friday, March 27, 2009


If you follow me on twitter, you may already be aware that Daughter #2 came down with what we believed to be a bad stomach virus last Friday. My Harley Stud and I felt so bad for her to be 300 miles from home in a cracker box of a dorm (excuse me, "residence hall") feeling like crap and no one to take care of her. Well, no parental unit, that is. Her friends were all out of town for the weekend. Noleboy did a fabulous job of attending to her every need but somehow it's just not the same as having your mommy and daddy there to baby you. We did the best we could over the phone. By Saturday morning, she was feeling a bit better but went to a walk-in clinic to have things checked out and to get an excuse note since she missed a test on Friday. She was informed that she had a stomach virus, instructed to drink lots of fluids and it would just have to run its course.

Sunday evening, I was notified that I was called to report to jury duty the following day. I received a call a little later from D2 saying that she had thrown up again (sorry for the TMI) and her back was hurting. Being the sympathetic, loving mother that I am, I reprimanded her for taking medication on an empty stomach and said she should know better. I more or less blew off the back pain thinking that she was probably a bit stiff and sore from lying in bed for 3 days.

In my defense, before someone calls DCF, D2 is a bit of a whiner. Always has been. She makes sure that her dad and I know about every little ache and pain she experiences. It's a little like the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I tend to take her complaints with a grain of salt. I generally wait until she has complained a few times before I feel that maybe some intervention is indicated. You see many times, she will complain about an ailment and then call a couple hours later saying she is going out with friends.

Feeling that her last vomit episode (forgive me, TMI, again) was due to taking meds on an empty stomach and her back pain was from lying in bed for days, I was a little surprised to hear that she was returning to the walk-in clinic on Monday morning.

I reported for jury duty at the US District courthouse 8am on Monday morning. I was eventually selected to sit on the jury of a criminal case. My experience as jury #12 will be another post. Stay tuned for that because I will need your input on the many questions I have rattling around in my brain.

Just as I was turning off my phone to go into the courtroom, I received a message from D2 that she was returning to the clinic. I explained that my phone would be off, her dad would be available and to please leave me a message after she was seen by the doctor.

We went through the very long and tedious voir dire process and the judge asked one last question before the attorneys were brought to the bar to make their selections or actually make their strikes. The judge asked if there was anything going on in any of our lives that hadn't been covered in voir dire. He asked if there was anything that might distract us from giving the case our full attention. I know that I had just been informed that my daughter was returning to the clinic but at this point, I still thought she was suffering from a stomach virus and would be fine with some rest and lots of fluids.

I was selected to sit on the jury and the trial began immediately. Who knew they would want a Smart Mouth Broad? We broke for lunch about 90 minutes later. I immediately checked for messages and was shocked to read a text from D2 saying they were sending her for a CT. I called her immediately and she said she didn't' know why they were sending her for a CT but they did some bloodwork and then sent her to the hospital for the CT.

I work in the medical field and I tried really hard to keep telling myself that the test was just a pre-caution and I shouldn't worry until I knew I had something about which to worry. Easier said than done. I had a hard time finishing my lunch but knew I had to eat something because my stomach had been growling so loudly in court I was afraid that it was going to disrupt the trial. I ate as much as I could and tossed the rest. I was anxious to make some phone calls. Time moved too quickly and it was soon time to return to the jury room.

Our jury consisted of 13 people. 12 jurors and one alternate. After listening all morning in court, one gentleman sent a message to the judge that he wasn't sure his understanding of the English language was sufficient to comprehend the facts of the case. After a private interview with the judge, he was excused. Without an alternate, I felt it was only right to inform the clerk that while I still didn't have any details, my daughter was 300 miles away undergoing a CAT scan at that very moment and I didn't know what I would need to do once we had the results. She smiled, nodded and tried to hide the "what now?" look on her face. We were led back into the court room.

The message during the break was D2 had thrown up the prep drink that she was given. She was having a hard time getting the second bottle down since the first was so enjoyable. And back into the court room we went.

I did my best to focus on the case being presented but I was getting very nervous trying to determine why a CT was ordered. What was going on? We were excused for the day a little before 5pm and instructed to return at 8:30 the following morning.

My first call was to Daughter #2 who gave me the newest development. She had an allergic reaction to the IV contrast. The poor girl. All day, I had been pleading with her to call NoleBoy or someone to sit with her so she wouldn't be alone. I couldn't imagine having to go through all this by herself. She was quite a trooper. She did eventually call NoleBoy to join her. (I should explain to newer readers that NoleBoy is her boyfriend) I was relieved that at least she wasn't alone now. While waiting for her CT, the clinic called and asked her to return after the CT because they needed to do more bloodwork. Now I was really getting worried.

I don't really know how I got from the courthouse to home. My entire drive was spent on the phone with my employer, a physician (What? You don't call a breast surgeon for this type of thing?), MHS, D2, and a friend, begging for prayers. My doctor spoke with her doctor and we were informed that she has a kidney infection. Antibiotics and painkillers were prescribed. She was released to go back to her dorm. I couldn't bear the idea of her recuperating alone in her dorm. Her bed is the top bunk with a bookcase for a ladder!

Arrangements were made for NoleBoy to meet my father half way and Daddy would take her back to his house. I was told she would most likely feel much better by morning so MHS and I decided to wait until morning to decide if we would go up or if we would leave her in Daddy and Daisy's loving care and I would complete my civic duty as the case was supposed to finish the next day.

I received a message at 4:30 the next morning that she was in more pain than she had ever experienced in her life. I could hear her crying in the background. My heart broke right that minute into a million pieces. Why didn't I leave the night before? I realize that my presence would not have prevented or eased the pain but at least I would have been there. I quickly got our things together and we set off for Daddy's house.

I called the clerk of the court and informed her that I would not be able to be there for the rest of the trial. I was later notified that both sides agreed to continue with the eleven remaining jurors. It seems that they didn't need a Smart Mouth Broad after all.

My boss called me a few hours later and I explained what had happened and that we were on our way to be with D2. She advised that we see an urologist as soon as possible since the pain was getting worse. About an hour later, I received a call from the doctor at the walk-in clinic. She had received the CT report. She explained that the dictated report indicated something that the verbal report she had received the previous day did not. Something much more serious couldn't be ruled out and she should see an urologist asap. I told the doctor that we were on our way to see D2 and were in the process of making an appointment with the urologist for later that day. Emails were flying, faxes were faxed, phone calls were made and prayers went up during the entire four hour drive to Daddy's house.

By the time we got there D2 was feeling better thanks to narcotic painkillers and another dose of antibiotics working their way into her system. We saw the urologist later that day. He confirmed that the problem is most likely a bad kidney infection but would not completely rule out a more serious condition. He prescribed additional days of antibiotics and a repeat CT in two weeks to be sure that infection is the only problem.

We left her with Daddy and Daisy this morning. She will continue to recuperate there and most likely return to school tomorrow or Saturday. She isn't 100% yet but she's getting there. Do you think it would be a bad thing if I made her move home, kept her in a box and only let her out to go to community college down the road? If you have grown children, how are you coping with letting go?

I would like to thank my twitter friends and other blogging buds for their prayers and well wishes for D2. They were much appreciated.



Wednesday, March 25, 2009


In case you're wondering:

I did get selected for a jury. However, I had to ditch it the next day. It's a long story and lucky you, you'll get to hear all about it in a few days. Until then, know that things are a little discombobulated in SMBland but we are doing well and I will be back soon.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Jury Duty

I have to report for jury duty this morning. I've been on call for a week and was beginning to get comfortable with the idea that I was going to skate on thru without being called. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's such a bad gig. I can't bring my computer but I'll have my phone so I can tweet, email, text and play games. I've been looking for a chance to read more than a paragraph of my book at one time.

On the other hand, I have an important meeting scheduled in my office this afternoon that I will now miss. My employer will not be happy to be on her own with this particular meeting. I've got lots of work that will now go neglected.

Of course it will be an honor, if chosen, to perform my civic duty.

While I'm deciding "should I stay or should I go now", (like I have a choice) please feel free to comment with your advice on how to get out of jury duty, how to make sure you're selected or fun things to do while you wait.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


I was just going thru the mail that piled up all week and I ignored came yesterday when I came upon the Val-Pak. You know the Val-Pak, right? That direct-marketing envelope full of coupon love for all you money savers out there looking to pressure wash your patio, join a gym or have your taxes done by a "real professional who can save you millions". I know that I should just throw it away. I can't help myself. I have to go through it before I toss it. You never know. There just might be a discount on that Wii I'm wishing hoping praying for. But I digress.

There was a coupon for a local sushi restaurant in the Val-Pak. I love sushi. But it wasn't the idea of enjoying a delicious sushi supper with My Harley Stud that made me stop to look at the ad. It was the headline on the flyer.

Sexy Sushi for Sexy People

What in the name of all that is Victoria's Secret and silky lingerie is "sexy sushi"? Seriously? Does this type of advertising work?

I like my man to be sexy. I like to feel sexy. Who doesn't? But I'm not sure I want to eat sexy sushi. Maybe I do. I don't know. What does that even mean? I have so many questions.

  1. What if you're not sexy? Are you still allowed to order?
  2. Who's the judge? One man's sexy is another man's er….uh….reject.
  3. Does eating the sushi make you sexy?
  4. Does eating the sushi make you feel sexy?
  5. Does eating the sushi make you want sex(y)?
  6. What makes the sushi sexy? Is it in the preparation? Is it the ingredients? Is it the chef?

These are questions I need to have answered!

I have this vision of Bloody Mary from the South Pacific standing guard at the door. "You no sexy like lieu-tellen." I love that movie.

But seriously, who are they kidding? This type of advertising never works. Do they really think I'm that stupid? It's an insult to my intelligence to assume that all it will take to get me into their restaurant is to tell me that I'm sexy if I eat their sexy sushi! I don't think I've ever been so offended!

I'm going to have to cut this post short. I have a lunch date for sushi.

Friday, March 20, 2009


Last night I met My Harley Stud at BIKE NIGHT at a local sports bar across from the stadium. It was a great way to kick off my weekend. It's been a hectic but productive couple of weeks at work and since I only work half day and from home on Fridays I like to think of Thur. night as my Friday. Instead of boring you with all the hohum details of the evening, I will point out the highlights.

  • The food was surprisingly good. (We've been there before and I've never been impressed.)
  • I became the new best friend of a drunk biker chick in the ladies room. You tell me: We must be BFFs if we are so intimate that she felt the need to share her life story while I did my business, right?
  • Our server was a Noob and defined the word SLOW. MHS was not amused. I was.
  • I was stepped on by another server on my trip back to our table from the ladies' room. I stood there for an awkward moment holding onto his arm while he apologized. I continued to grip his arm for what seemed like an hour but was really only "10" minutes. He just stood there looking at me and waiting for me to move on. I finally realized that he was clueless and explained that I could neither let go of his arm nor move on because he was still standing on my foot.
  • There was glitch with the credit card processing during our transaction that kept the entire restaurant waiting while our payment details traveled around the world a few times. We eventually left without completing the payment process with the agreement to return later. We strolled thru bike night and all the festivities and as promised returned later to settle our bill. I convinced MHS to be more generous with his tip than he wanted to be. He was still unamused. I on the other hand was just happy to not be at work. I was also very impressed that they allowed us to leave and believed that we would come back. Good for them.
  • And then I made a new friend, Truman:

Truman rides around in this sidecar with his owner and has since he was just a pup.

Truman is very safety conscious and always wears his goggles.

He's even been to Sturgis, SD: A world famous bike week that completely takes over the small town. (Too many bikes for this sissy but Truman loved it.)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Work has been a little crazy lately. Scratch that. Work has been a LOT crazy lately! By the time I get home, I haven’t had the energy to read or write much. I have been tagged for a few fun posts and I’m working on them in my head. I just wanted to say thank you for coming here and reading the drivel that I seem to have in endless supply. I haven’t had a chance to respond to your comments yet. But I will. I promise. In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know I get your comments on my phone almost immediately and they are the source of a much needed smile during my work-day. Thanks again.

Smart Mouth Broad

***Braja update***
I received an email from Braja this morning. She must be feeling better if she is up to emailing a Smart Mouth Broad. She is home from the hospital and doing well. Please continue to keep her, her husband and the driver in your thoughts and prayers as there is much healing to be done.
And.........I see that she has a new post up on her blog. Lost and Found in India

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I don't normally like to talk about work here. Today I will make an exception, just this once........until the next time.

I manage a breast surgery practice. I've been working on a presentation for a breast cancer awareness luncheon at which my boss will be the guest speaker. The presentation is going to be pretty intense. I thought I would share the big finish with you. This is the last slide:

I thought I would lighten up the show with a few words of wisdom from a (mini) smart mouth broad.

A Braja update: I received an email today from a friend of Braja. It included a message from Braja to all who are praying or thinking of her and her husband.

Dear Devotees and Friends,

Hare Krishna. Thank you so much for the loving wishes of concern that everyone has called with from all over the world that has sustained us both so so much. It is so beautiful to hear every bodies loving messages.

It is hard for me to speak right now because my lips were slashed in three places when I hit the wind screen. I don't think I went through it. I told the driver "Be careful you are going to hit that truck" and by Krishna's mercy every thing went white.

I did not see or feel any thing I have no internal injuries, just my broken arm. However the first doctor to deal with me was a plastic surgeon. He operated on me first to stitch up all the open wounds on my face.

I have two eye lifts, a slash from the top of my forehead down to my right cheek and extensive slash in my chin which he has also fixed. My right eye is very swollen and my mouth is a mess but he is an expert plastic surgeon and this is a 5 star hospital and he assures me that once all the plastic surgeries are done I will look like a 25 year old Marilyn Monroe with lips like Angelina Jolie!!!!!!!!

All my injuries are extremely painful but superficial. My husband Jahnu is in a bad shape but the doctors are very hopeful. They did a 5 hour surgery on his jaw which had been shattered. Soon they will do his wrists and his chest. Please please pray for Jahnu for his quick recovery.

Love you all very much.


Vodka Mom received a phone call today from Braja. To read all about it, click here.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Not being even a wee bit O Irish that I'm aware of, I still like to celebrate the occasion and extend a very HAPPY ST. PATRICK's DAY to you all! As a kid, this day carried the most important task of wearing something green so that you wouldn't be pinched. I wonder if kids still do that? As an adult and the bit of a bore PARTY ANIMAL that I am, I already have my corned beef, cabbage and potatoes in the crockpot so they will be ready to "party" with us tonite if when I get home from work. This post will be short as I have to ransack my closet to find something green to wear (in case there are some BIG kids in my office who might pinch me.)

I would like to wish a very special Happy St. Patrick's Day to my one and only real Irish friend, Tessa of Nuts and Mutton and The First Husband who is Irish by marriage. Tessa has written of her experience meeting a Smart Mouth Broad in Florida while on vacation. I am happy to say that she was too kind and didn't even mention that I'm a weirdo. During our "bloggy friend" date, TFH asked me how we managed to pack all of our belongings on our bike trip. I explained that was a problem as I am one who likes to be prepared for every occasion. I even packed a sundress. Some might say that wasn't a very practical item of clothing for a bike trip but I wore it. So there, BIKER NAZI!

After our swim to cool our over-heated bodies in the Badlands, we were somewhat late for dinner. There was no time to take a shower and since we had been chlorinated for over an hour in the pool, MHS and I decided we would wait until after dinner to shower. On a bike trip, with limited space for luggage, one has to conserve on clean clothes. I told My Harley Stud that I didn't want to waste a pair of clean underwear just for a pre-shower dinner but I certainly didn't want to put on the dirty ones either. He suggested that I go "commando." I laughed. He dared me. Uh oh! I'm like a 10 year old boy when it comes to a dare. I don't even need the triple dog dare. I have to take it. So "commando" it was for the next few hours. We walked to dinner (a few feet away from our room) me in my sundress and nothing else and I giggled all the way there. I laughed more than usual at dinner feeling like I was doing something oh so naughty. It is very unlike me to do such a thing. Of course, I never mentioned it to The Saint and certainly not to the Biker Nazi who would have never let me live it down. And that my friends, is my TMI story for the day. Happy Saint Paddy's to ya!

And for TFH, here's a picture of what our bikes looked like all loaded down with luggage. Ours is the one in front.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

THE MAKING OF A BIKER CHICK - On the Road in Wyoming

My last biker chick post was out of sequence so that I could tell my tales of adventure on the Bear Tooth Pass for the Spin Cycle. We now join the regularly scheduled program already in progress:

We left Deadwood, SD just after breakfast heading for Cody, Wyoming. The following photographs were taken along the way. Please accept my apologies in advance for any blurring as most were taken from the back of a moving motorcycle. You can click on the photograph to enlarge them for detail.

Wyoming is a beautiful state and I should know because we road from one end to the other: East, West, North and South. We enjoyed breath-taking views, spotted all sorts of wildlife and I often found myself wishing that I could live in a place like this some day.

It seemed the terrain would change with each turn. These grassy areas look like velvet in the distance.

My Harley Stud is a manly man. A real tough guy. He actually stopped the bike and made me take this picture because he said it looked like the background in the Disney movie, Cars. And there you have it: Radiator Springs

If you haven't seen Cars, it's only one of the best Disney movies ever.

Looking down. *gulp*

Look at the tree growing right out of the rock.

The sign says that the bridge is for vehicles and pedestrians only. Other activities are prohibited. I wonder what they had in mind?

The Saint lost a tennis bracelet and I lost a diamond earring along this road somewhere. I know, I know...............why were we wearing good jewelry on a motorcyle trip? A girl's gotta look good while she's flying down the highway, you know.

Anyway, if you spot either in the pictures, let me know. We'll go back.

Are you beginning to have wanderlust? I am. *pout*

Velvet mountainsides again.

A butt break for the weary riders. But what's this? They don't look so weary. Look at the Saint's hair. How does she do it? You can't see me because I'm behind the camera but let me tell you my helmet hair is not pretty. Look at her! She looks great! Grrrr.
Oh and the handsome devils there, they look alright too.
Notice the Biker Nazi is being the Biker Nazi.

I've done a little house-keeping here at the SMB site. I've cleaned up my side-bar, updated my blogroll, added and deleted a few tidbits. Check it out. If you are new here and would like to read previous "The Making of a Biker Chick" posts, I've gathered them all together in the side-bar for your convenience. I'm cool like that. *wink*

If I am reading and commenting on your blog and you don't see it listed in my blogroll, please accept my apologies for the oversight. Let me know and I will add you PDQ. (or when I get around to it)

Friday, March 13, 2009


I've just learned that our bloggy friend, Braja, and her husband have been in a car accident. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

For more information, click here.

***Update from VodkaMom at I need a Martini Mom***

Here's part of the email I received from her friend...

Dear *******,

I came back from the hospital yesterday and am going back this morning.
Braja is in surprisingly good spirits though in a fair amount of pain. She
looks bad but the truck looks worse!

Seriously though. She doesn’t have her mobile right now as she is still in
ICU and mobiles aren’t allowed there. She was having a chest drain put in
last night for a newly discovered punctured lung. Once that was done and
stable they were going to transfer her to another room. Then she will have
her phone. I’m going back today so will give her your messages of concern.

If anybody wants to send personal messages they can email them to me and I’ll give them to her.

The hospital she is in doesn’t allow flowers but when she gets home,
hopefully, in a couple of weeks, you can shower her with them! Any personal messages can be sent to me and I’ll pass them on. I’m going to print out all the current comments and read them to her today. So if you can get any messages to me before 10.30am my time I’ll take them with me.

She will be physically fine but is going to need a lot of emotional TLC.
This has been a real shock for her.

Anyway I’m off to make her some blended soup as she refused to have a
nasogastric tube for feeding her – she can’t eat properly because of many
lacerations inside her mouth. The tube made her feel like she couldn’t

Thank you and all her blogger friends for caring so much. It will help more
than any of us can understand.

***From Lisa at I Didn't Get the Message***
As most of you have heard by now, our friend (icon), Braja, her husband and driver were in a horrific car accident.

Braja has been a friend to us all. She made you feel like you were her best buddy no matter how long she's known you. That takes a kind heart and generous spirit.

I know we're all doing this, but let's keep her, her husband and driver in our thoughts.

To that effect, I'm proposing that on Saturday, 3/14 at 12 noon we have a world-blog moment of silent prayer (no matter where you live) when the sun is highest in the sky and shining upon us all. Just like Braja.

Please post this on your site so all your followers will join in. We are a powerful group and Braja will feel it all the way in India.

***Update from Jan at Jan's Sushi Bar***
I've been keeping up with the updates - Braja had plastic surgery on her face earlier today (she apparently hit the windshield of the taxi she was in) and they are finally going to operate on her husband - his condition has been upgraded from critical to serious.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


I have a lot of half written posts on the back burner but can't seem to find the concentration it would take to focus on any one topic right now. I've decided instead to regale you with some of the lunacy random thoughts that go through my head in a day. I must warn you, after reading this; you may wish that you were me because life is a kinder, gentler place when you're slightly off-balance to have me committed. You'll have to catch me first. And I'm a slippery little sucker.

I subscribe to the feeds from our local paper, The Palm Beach Post, in my Google Reader. I came across an article today that announced the date, time and location that the police will have a DUI check this weekend. Is it me or doesn't this announcement defeat the whole purpose? If I were planning to go out and have myself a good time and then be stupid and irresponsible enough to get behind the wheel (not that I would do that sort of thing), I think I would still be smart enough to avoid the checkpoint. I think this is a complete waste of my tax dollars. I much prefer a surprise attack. I think I'll write my councilman or maybe run for office. Don't forget I had that grass-roots effort back in October and came "this" close to being named as the Presidential candidate for the SmartAss party.

I realized today that the goats next door are even more excited to see me return home than my own dogs are. I'm going to have to start giving the dogs carrots too. Does anyone know where I can get a lot of carrots cheap?

I found this gem in Quotes of the Day. I love it:

"The rule is perfect: In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane."

Putts Law

Daughter #2 is home on Spring Break. She tells me that the great thing about living in South Florida is she doesn't have to go anywhere else. She already lives in a tropical paradise. I think she's had a little too much sun.

I can't remember to take my memory-enhancing supplements. If I could remember to take them, I wouldn't need them.

I love daylight savings time. But I hate springing forward. I love falling back. I have an idea for a solution. I think that we should fall back an hour each November. And spring ahead a whole day every 24 years. I know. I think I'm a genius. I am going to send a tweet to President Obama. He follows me, you know.

A couple years ago, there was a Starbucks billboard along the turnpike which I passed on my commute everyday. I could sometimes smell the inviting aroma of fresh coffee just as I aproached the billboard. The area where the billboard is located is not near a Starbucks store or any type of food or beverage service business. It's not really near anything. And yet, at least once a week, I would smell coffee when I passed. The billboard was changed about a year ago. I haven't smelled coffee while passing that area since. Weird, huh? Or maybe it's some sort of evil coffee propaganda to convince me to stop at the next exit for tall skinny cappuccino.

I want a Wii. And then I want the Wii fit. And then I want that extra battery charger thing. I'll want games of course. I'll have to have an extra remote. Oh and another nunchuk. (whatever the heck that is) And therein lies the problem.

If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want a glass of milk.

I twitter. Do you? I don't facebook, I don't myspace but I tweet on twitter like nobody's business. There is a small group of tweeters whom I play SmartAss (a trivia game) with every weekday morning at around 9:30 am EST. (I'm working as are some of the other players so we don't always start on time) We would love it if you'd join us. Well, I would love it. You see, my Tweets, they're getting a little cocky. They win all too often. They need some more competition. Come on, aren't you dying to show off your inner SmartAss? Follow me on twitter at SmartMouthBroad. You also need to follow the other players. It's a lot of fun and a great distraction for your morning coffee break. Have I convinced you yet? I knew you couldn't resist. Here's what to do:

  1. If you aren't already on twitter, go to twitter.com and sign up. It's free.
  2. If you're already tweeting. Follow these players:
  • Midlife_Slices
  • Nothing_Fancy
  • SnowWhitePlus76
  • Chasaveen
  • Auntchrisbronx
  • NewYorkBabe
  • MidlifeMama (She rarely shows……………….something about a job and all. Gosh)
  • JansSushiBar (Jan hasn't played yet but we're working on her inner competitor)

It's quick and fun. Come join us. Game on!


It occurred to me today that I may have given you the impression by omission that my life is all big, puffy hearts, glitter and pixie dust. Don't I wish? This post might seem a bit strange coming on the heels of my lemonade post where I patted myself on the back for my mad lemonade making skills. Don't get me wrong. I do have a Pollyanna outlook. I am Mary Sunshine……………most of the time. When my dear D1 was thirteen years old, she told me, "The problem with you, Mom, is that you think all the skies in your world should be blue all the time. Life just isn't like that." Damn.

I choose to post the good stuff. At times, I will write of challenges, heartbreaks or personal meltdowns but for the most part, I try to keep what we do here…………."surprisingly….upbeat." (Movie, anyone? Anyone?) I figure we've all got crap in our lives. Sometimes, it is what bonds us. I just choose not to go there……………………..most of the time.

Somebody pooped in my cornflakes today. I don't actually eat corn flakes but "pooped in my yogurt and granola" didn't have the same ring. I'm not going to talk about it because it's work related. I just wanted to put it out there and keep it honest. I had a rough day and needed lots of wine to whine.

No worries. I know what to do and where to go when the blues threaten.

My Harley Stud, D2 and I went for a walk on the beach.

There was a full moon rising.

I feel much better now.