Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Remember how excited I was that both of our girls would be home for the summer. Daughter #2 has been here since the first of May when spring semester ended at her school.the zone She is now officially a sophomore. Woot!

Daughter #1 arrived home this weekend when school in North Carolina let out for the summer. She completed her first year teaching sixth grade social studies and survived! Woot!

D1 seems to be having some trouble realizing that it’s summer and school is out. I’ve always been supportive of her choice to teach school. But now it seems that has come back to bite me in the butt. Today I received a text message that went something like this:

“How tall are you and what do you weigh?”

What the……..?

“I’m doing The Zone for all of us.”

Really? D1 has been harassing encouraging me to try The Zone Diet for a few years now. I’ve always said not just no but HELL NO politely declined. You see, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried this diet or even heard of it but it’s quite complicated to my way of thinking. D1 insists that it’s very simple. Uh huh…….

When I came home from work, she got out the dry erase board. Think I’m kidding?


She proceeded to explain to My Harley Stud and I just what we would be eating and how much of it. There were blocks and grams and carbs and fats and proteins. My head was spinning. MHS commented that he didn’t think he had enough blocks. She said, you won’t starve on this diet.

He said, “I’m starving NOW and you’ve just started.”

Note to D1: Never give a lecture about nutrition and diet until after your students have eaten.

She explained that everything would need to be measured and weighed. Then she looked at me and said, “We’re pretty much going to have to feed Daddy but I think in the time I’ll be here this summer, he “can” learn.

I said, “Wait, I need to make notes.”

MHS said, “Don’t worry, I’m sure she has handouts.”

“No, not for the class, for my blog!”

After a presentation that lasted longer than an hour, we fixed dinner, a pre-planned non zone meal. We did have some yummy veggies even if we weren’t “in the zone”.

D#2 came in just as we were finishing dinner. D#1 says, “OK, now I want you two to present the material to D2. That will be your test to see if you were listening.”

I looked at MHS, “Test! I didn’t know there would be a test. I WASN’T listening. Crap!” I should have known. This is the same woman who made us take the social studies quiz in her class when we went to NC to visit last fall. (which by the way, we aced)

I made a lame attempt to explain what we had learned. D2 began to complain at what small portions of protein she would have. MHS made his contribution to our presentation by saying, “Eat spinach! You can eat a shitload of spinach!”

And to think how excited I was to have her home. Who knew we were entering the Nazi food camp?


Fragrant Liar said...

It could be worse. She could be a raw vegan! Hhhhhhhhhhh!!

Happy, um, weight loss?

namaste said...

those veggies look delish! i love zucchini.

dontchya just love when the kids have ideas for us.


Linda said...

Now if she is going to weigh & measure & plan & shop for all the meals all summer than this could work but no way in H*** I'm going to weigh & measure MY food before I eat it! Oh wait. maybe that's why I'm 50lbs over weight. Huh.

smiles4u said...

So you have your own personal dietion living with you??? Lucky you and MHS...lol. What's next? Exercise class? You might be in for a fun summer....lol...but just think you'll be really healthy and in good shape! My "teacher" will be home for a long visit in July and believe me we get our taste of having a teacher in the house!

PS I have heard good things about the Zone diet...lol.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Oh God...I know it's a wonderful diet...I have heard of it...but..if she is going to do all the ...never mind!
Once I was out of school and the kids were grown and I retired...I went to hell in a handbasket! I don't do anything I don't have to..but...I mean...I need to eat better...most of us do!
Hey...this is an opportunity! People pay big money to be shown how to eat right..so...
I mean..what do you have to lose except weight...and what do you have to gain except knowledge of how to eat right and live longer and have sex until you're in your 90's!!!

I think, SMB, I would pay attention! :)

only a movie said...

Wow, I can tell she's a good teacher.
I don't know about the diet, but the Zone bars are yummy. I bring them on hikes... chocolate peanut butter (and NO spinach). Maybe you can eat them 3x per day and call it good.

Funny Girl said...

Very funny. The veggies look great, and I tried a version of the Zone about 6 years ago, and I looked HOT, until I stopped doing it and replaced the veggies with wine. Might try it again, thanks for the post.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

YUM.... those veggies look mah-vuh-lus. How could you not want to eat that every single day of the year for the rest of your long long long life?

The Blue Ridge Gal

nothingfancy1 said...

This cracks me up! Such are the trials and tribulations of having a family member who is a teacher. Sometimes it's great. . . other times. . . well. . . you know.

Gaston Studio said...

Never heard of this diet, but I'm sure there are dozens of others I've never heard of either. In fact, I hate strutured diets of any kind, so what am I doing even commenting about this post except that I could actually SMELL those veggies cooking and want some!

croneandbearit said...

God definitely knew what he was doing when he gave me no children. I could not have handled this at all. I concentrate on protein, whole grains, veggies, and fruit w/a treat now and then and real easy on the carbs. I refuse to give up ice cream even if I only eat a little once in awhile. Life is too short to be in the zone... LOL good luck

20th Century Woman said...

The veggies look yummy, but can you have a couple of glasses of wine? If not, life's definately too short for me, at 77.

Optimistic Pessimist said...

Remember how I wanted to come visit because you said you would give me wine? I don't think I want to anymore. I have absolutely no self control when it comes to food. There's no way I would be able to survive.

Tricia said...

Wow, you're daughter sounds absolutely splendid. Is she also going to measure and cook for you so all you have to do is put the food in your mouth and not even think about it?

Michel said...

holy shit dude. Any diet that starts with a dry erase board (why the hell do you even have one!?) and ends with a test on portions - cannot possibly include brownies!

I'm just saying - you might need to kick her out of the house.

Hit 40 said...

I want someone to come cook for me and weigh my food. Excellent!!!

I don't care what they cook. I love having someone put a plate of food in front of me.

I am linking back to this tomorrow. You will see why :-)

warriorwitch said...

i must check out this zone thing.

midlife slices said...

Summer school has begun!! Don't get detention but if you do, call me and I'll play hookey with you. Oh...wait. If you got detention then it wouldn't be playing hookey, right? Well....just call me and we'll stalk Simon Baker. :)

Delaney said...

Veggie pan looked really yummy! I can get into veggies if someone else fixes them because I hate the prep work evolved. Yes, I'm lazy and I freely admit it. If my daughter tried to put us on a diet like that, she'd have to do all the work or Hubby and I both would pass. I don't want to weigh myself let alone my food.

Jan said...

Send her to live with me for the summer - I NEED a Diet Nazi.


No, I'm not joking. I'll pay her airfare.

Comedy Goddess said...

That vegetable saute would be great with some Penne. Maybe some Pesto too. That's what it's like in my Zone.

Hit 40 said...

I definitely have you linked tomorrow :-)

Sorry your blogger commenter widget died!! Mine also died today!!!! I found another that will hopefully last.

Donna said...

The diet sounds good,except the weighing,the measuring,and the planning.LOL!! Oh well I'll stick to my own diet. Michelinas, salads,friuts,fresh veggies,and always bake,never fry.Oh! Lets don't forget the granola bars. And thanks for the comment.Looooovvvvveeee those road trips.

Snow White said...

hmm... I'm thinkin you got a pretty sweet deal!

Debbie said...

Oh God I hate that when my daughter does that. She has been a vegan maybe 5 times in her life and then expects us to cook a vegan Thanksgiving dinner or Easter dinner. Have you ever had tofu in the shape of a turkey? It's not a pretty thing. I gave up on that idea and there she sat with her salad and small amount of veggies while we all pigged out on bigger than usual piles of ham and turkey! We had to overcompinsate for her...dontcha know.:) Another hilarious post from you smart mouth! BTW...you must be so proud of your girls...you and MHS did a wonderful job.

Duchess said...

Well, I think you are lucky! I wish either or both of my daughters were at home -- though when they are they have no sympathy at all when I ask them if I look fat.

They just roll their eyes and tell me I am obsessed with weight.

Meanwhile, I'm not in The Zone. How could I be? I hate courgettes! (That's zuchinni to Yanks -- and Italians...)

But last night I did join weight watchers.

Debbie said...

I really hate to say this but that sounds horrible!

blueviolet said...

How dare she turn your home into a palace of horror?

Oz Girl said...

Well, dang, have a happy summer while those veggies are being forced down your throat and all the fresh donuts are hidden, or worse, thrown in the trash!! Oh nooooooooo......

Remind her she has a long life ahead of her to be "in the zone", you, not so long, and you want to ENJOY the rest of your life. LOL

Isn't this like trying to force a smoker to quit? Doesn't work, backfires! Which means, you'll be sneaking to the garage to eat your much-aligned treats and drink some wine, on the sly. :)

Auntie, aka Dog Girl said...

I'm sending you a box full of dark M&M's and Snicker bars.
That stuff is in MY zone.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I can't believe I missed this post. It's hilarious.