Last week I told you about how Daughter #1 is home for the summer and has become the Food Nazi. She has placed the whole family on THE ZONE. Better known by me as THE DAMN ZONE. As in when someone offers me a cookie at work, I politely decline saying, “No thanks, I’m in THE DAMN ZONE.”
D1’s US Navy connection says that many Navy Seals eat on the Zone Diet to achieve maximum performance in their training. The way I see it, between my fitness regimen with the Wii Wii, THE DAMN ZONE and the time I spend at the shooting range, I’ll be ready should the Navy Seals need my assistance for any special ops. And if my call to duty comes when I have PMS like I did this month, I could end the war on terror in 24 hours. Just sayin’.
“Mr. President, I am equal to the task.”
I’ve been giving D1 a lot of crap about taking control of our daily intake but the truth is that as much as I’ve been saying that I want to lose weight, I’ve gotten nowhere in the last year. It was time someone took the bull by the horns. My very first post almost a year ago proclaimed my committment to fitness, weight loss and health improvement. I’ve been dedicated to my fitness routine. I must have the metabolism of a slug because nothing seems to work.
D1 had her hairs cut and hi-lighted yesterday. She went to my stylist, Stacy. She was explaining to Stacy how she has put us all in the Zone. D1 says Stacy was very concerned about my welfare. She said, “Your mom really likes to have a glass of wine at night, can she have that?” I was thrilled to hear that someone has my back.
The answer, in case you’re wondering, is that yes, I CAN have a glass of wine, I just have to be sure to have a slice of turkey and a few nuts too. I can live with that.
The DAMN ZONE may seem a bit extreme but really I’m eating the same things I was eating before but in different portions. The Zone is 30% fat, 30% protein and 40% carbs. Not so bad, it’s just that every time you eat anything, you have to make sure that you have all three components. Kind of like……………..if you give a mouse a cookie………….you have to give him a glass of milk. Only not as good.
I’m not gonna lie. I miss butter. Last night’s shrimp scampi was really good but it would have been bettah with buttah! My butt will be bettah without it and there you have it. The problem is that when I don’t get results, I give up and give in. My stick-to-itiveness has lost its sticky. Does anyone out there have the secret glue that will help me stick to the plan?
On a brighter note: Wii Wii says I’m 34 years old. Of course Wii Wii also says this EVERYDAY:
- You’re obese! And dang if it doesn’t say it very cheerfully. Wii Wii apparently doesn’t know that SMB has a gun and knows how to use it.
- You’re lazy and stupid! OK, what it actually said was, “You’re going to have to work harder and smarter to reach your goal.” Stupid Wii Wii
- You ARE poetry in motion. Suck up!
- I’ve got nothing but respect for your performance. It’s about time I got some respect.
- Too slow. Grrrrr
- You’re taking to this track like you OWN it! Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ about.
I’ve got a 30 year class reunion (Never mind that I’m only 34 ) at the end of August. Please, Lord! Is it wrong to pray for weight loss? Does it count that I promise to serve my country when the navy seals call? I promise to work for world peace. That’s got to be worth something, right? And just so you know, I don’t have to be super-model thin. Don’t even want to be. I just want to be a better SMB. A more fit SMB. And if you could lift all that sags, I would greatly appreciate it. Amen.