Monday, August 3, 2009

CALL ME DAVID LETTERMAN

on hiatusAfter blogging for one whole year, my contract states that I’m entitled to a vacation. But being a responsible blogger, I don’t want to leave you with empty pages here so like my good friend, Dave, I’m happy to present you with the best of SMB – aka – the early posts that no one read. Hey, at least it’s something.

I’ll be busy gettin’ some things done here in SMBland that have gone neglected for the last year. With any luck, I’ll come back to you a wiser, smarter, mouthier but kinder, gentler SMB. Or just the same ole me.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: My first post.

I RECEIVED A LOW BLOW TODAY (first posted 7/31/08)

I received a low blow today. While suffering through my annual lower-body inspection, I heard the words, “You’re at that age when…….”. As if the exam itself wasn’t punishment enough, do I really have to be forced to listen to this! She must be mistaken. I never thought it would happen to me. I’m certain my 27th birthday was just a few short years ago. But then again, I guess there have been signs…………….oldest daughter graduating from college….youngest daughter leaving for college……….28th wedding anniversary approaching. This phrase was followed with instructions about getting regular blood work to check things like thyroid and cholesterol and informing me that my blood pressure was a little high which may put me at risk for a stroke…. But frankly after hearing those afore mentioned unspeakable words, all I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Apparently unaware of my glassy stare and semi-comatose reaction to her observations, she went on to gently suggest that I am overweight. Of course this came as no surprise to me. With the exception of a few years when I was a fitness instructor in my twenties, most of my life I have been what my mother referred to as……………..wait for it……………..you’ve heard it before………....ding, ding, ding: and the prize goes to: “pleasantly plump!” I personally prefer the way voluptuous rolls off your tongue. But I digress.

I was then interrogated on the subjects of my diet and exercise routine. I was quick to inform my physician that I work out for at least one hour three to five times a week. And true to form, she said, “It must be your diet, then.” Clearly, there are some areas of my life I should work to improve. But does she have to be so darn blunt about it!

So now , faced with the fact that I am “at that age when………..” What am I supposed to do with this new revelation?

Daughter #1 tells me that I should blog. I’m always saying that I’m going to write a book. She says that instead of not writing the book I am always saying I will write, I should blog. After confessing that I’m not exactly sure what it means to blog, she explains that it would be a great way to exercise my creative process. I’m pretty sure her motive might be to deflect the pearls of wisdom that I cast in her direction.

So, blog, I will. I will embrace the process of aging gracefully, tackle the struggle of creating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and make observations about life in general as a woman who is “at that age when….” I will share my thoughts and feelings on these issues with you, who are more likely than not, my imaginary readers.

While I am fairly certain a psychologist might agree that blogging could be therapeutic to my mental well-being, my physician has suggested that I make some other changes in my life. I’m told that if you make yourself accountable, you have a better chance of attaining your goals. So I hereby commit, in writing for all the world to witness, that I will strive to reach my health goals because as I’ve so kindly been told, “I am at that age when…..” My goals are as follows and in no particular order:

  • Lose weight or grow taller
  • Improve my fitness level
  • Lower my blood pressure
  • Eat a healthy diet and practice portion control
  • Lose weight ( I thought it might help to list this one twice)
  • Blog all about it
  • Define myself as “at that age when……I am energetic, fit, healthy and lovin’ life!

Lofty goals, you say? Maybe but hey, why not! Go big or go home, right?





Hugs,
Smart Mouth Broad

21 comments:

otin said...

That was a great first post! Most first posts are really lame, at least mine was!

♥ Braja said...

I think I'm on hiatus too, Smarty....see you soon xx

blueviolet said...

I'm glad your daughter pushed you into blogging. You belong here!

only a movie said...

Maybe we should all spend this week on hiatus... Love this post again. xxoo

The Peach Tart said...

Thanks for sharing this again. I love to read how someone came to blogging. Glad you did.

Kimberly said...

Being healthy is so overrated. Does that make you feel better?

midlife slices said...

Maybe I need to break out the reruns but then again, I'm thinking so many people are on hiatus that they'd rather not have more to read when they do come back. Who knows......maybe I'll disappear forever. Nah.....I've still got too much to say.

Have fun on your hiatus, my dear. MUAH

darsden said...

Have a wonderful vacation friend and we will be here...and it was a funny post :-))

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You could link this to the spin cycle - which is reposting this week...

Enjoy your hiatus SMB. Will be thinking of you.

Linda said...

Enjoy your break if you can but you're probably doing chores or something just as tedious. Try and have some fun!

KJ said...

I agree...this was a great first post. What else have I missed? So did you attain any of your goals? (just curious) :o)

Debbie said...

Wow...are you telling us the trth about this being the virgin blog? I can hardly believe it...what a great job...it's like you were born to blog my friend. Enjoy your time away and try to actually TAKE a day off, unlike me, who is working harder since I went on hiatus. No going on holiday for me honey! Maybe by winter. I love the way you write and your daughter was smart to steer you here. What the heck would the blog world do without Smart Mouth Broad! I shudder to think!!! Or is that shutter? Not sure...see...I NEED a vacation!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Happy vacation!!!!! ENJOY!

Jan said...

Frankly, I prefer the same ol' SMB.

"I personally prefer the way voluptuous rolls off your tongue."

Hon, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Vooollllllluuuuuptuuuuuuoooouuuuuussss.

Dayum.

ReRe said...

I am a newbie so I am totally pumped to read the re-runs! Glad you are blogging and doubly glad I found you!

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens!!! Your daughters never cease to amaze me with how helpful both are to you. They got you blogging, eating healthy, and exercising!!! I need to borrow one of them for just a month or two!

Blasé said...

"..mouthier but kinder"

HA! Yeah, right! Now tell us the one about "The Three Bears"

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Otin-Awww, thanks.

Braja-I guess it's that time of year when we all feel like we need a break from the routine.

BV-Thanks. Now she's pushing me to exercise and eat right.

Movie-Something about the end of summer. Remember that line in For the Love of the Game?

PT-The Ds keep me in line.

Kimberly-Well, it would have a month ago. But now that I have one foot in the grave, I'm looking at things differently. *sigh*

MLS-Is that your way of tellin me to shut up? Give up, Hon. It's not gonna happen.

Dar-Thanks. I'll be around checking on everyone. Just not writing much this week.

Pseudo-I'll have to see if Jen wants me. Thanks for the heads up.

Linda-That's exactly what I'm doing.

KJ-Well, the weight struggle has been up and down and recent posts will explain some of that. I keep pluggin along. I haven't gotten any taller tho.

Debbie-You, my friend, are far too kind to me. Hugs!

JJ-Thanks.

Jan-"Dayum" - I'm embarrassed to say it took me a minute to figure that out. LOL

ReRe-Awww, thanks, sweetie!

Hit40-I'm sure they would love to see Ohio. They love the midwest!

Blahzay-Oh you're just bein' nice.

http://whysoserioustoday.blogspot.com said...

haha ... interesting :)
loved it !!!

Tony Letts said...

You took to blogging like a fish to water - our good luck!

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