CALL ME DAVID LETTERMAN

After blogging for one whole year, my contract states that I’m entitled to a vacation. But being a responsible blogger, I don’t want to leave you with empty pages here so like my good friend, Dave, I’m happy to present you with the best of SMB – aka – the early posts that no one read. Hey, at least it’s something.

I’ll be busy gettin’ some things done here in SMBland that have gone neglected for the last year. With any luck, I’ll come back to you a wiser, smarter, mouthier but kinder, gentler SMB. Or just the same ole me.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: My first post.

I RECEIVED A LOW BLOW TODAY (first posted 7/31/08)

I received a low blow today. While suffering through my annual lower-body inspection, I heard the words, “You’re at that age when…….”. As if the exam itself wasn’t punishment enough, do I really have to be forced to listen to this! She must be mistaken. I never thought it would happen to me. I’m certain my 27^th birthday was just a few short years ago. But then again, I guess there have been signs…………….oldest daughter graduating from college….youngest daughter leaving for college……….28^th wedding anniversary approaching. This phrase was followed with instructions about getting regular blood work to check things like thyroid and cholesterol and informing me that my blood pressure was a little high which may put me at risk for a stroke…. But frankly after hearing those afore mentioned unspeakable words, all I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Apparently unaware of my glassy stare and semi-comatose reaction to her observations, she went on to gently suggest that I am overweight. Of course this came as no surprise to me. With the exception of a few years when I was a fitness instructor in my twenties, most of my life I have been what my mother referred to as……………..wait for it……………..you’ve heard it before………....ding, ding, ding: and the prize goes to: “pleasantly plump!” I personally prefer the way voluptuous rolls off your tongue. But I digress.

I was then interrogated on the subjects of my diet and exercise routine. I was quick to inform my physician that I work out for at least one hour three to five times a week. And true to form, she said, “It must be your diet, then.” Clearly, there are some areas of my life I should work to improve. But does she have to be so darn blunt about it!

So now , faced with the fact that I am “at that age when………..” What am I supposed to do with this new revelation?

Daughter #1 tells me that I should blog. I’m always saying that I’m going to write a book. She says that instead of not writing the book I am always saying I will write, I should blog. After confessing that I’m not exactly sure what it means to blog, she explains that it would be a great way to exercise my creative process. I’m pretty sure her motive might be to deflect the pearls of wisdom that I cast in her direction.

So, blog, I will. I will embrace the process of aging gracefully, tackle the struggle of creating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and make observations about life in general as a woman who is “at that age when….” I will share my thoughts and feelings on these issues with you, who are more likely than not, my imaginary readers.

While I am fairly certain a psychologist might agree that blogging could be therapeutic to my mental well-being, my physician has suggested that I make some other changes in my life. I’m told that if you make yourself accountable, you have a better chance of attaining your goals. So I hereby commit, in writing for all the world to witness, that I will strive to reach my health goals because as I’ve so kindly been told, “I am at that age when…..” My goals are as follows and in no particular order:

• Lose weight or grow taller

• Improve my fitness level

• Lower my blood pressure

• Eat a healthy diet and practice portion control

• Lose weight ( I thought it might help to list this one twice)

• Blog all about it

• Define myself as “at that age when……I am energetic, fit, healthy and lovin’ life!

Lofty goals, you say? Maybe but hey, why not! Go big or go home, right?

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad