FIFTY AND FABULOUS…..

…….OR BITE ME – (You choose.)

I’m about to “celebrate” a big birthday.  Yeah….THAT one.  And so far, I’m not dealing with the idea very well.  I’ve never been one to be bothered by the passing of another age milestone: 

Thirty?  I was THRIVING.  Didn’t phase me.

Forty?  Lordy, this is fun.  Bring it on.

But FIFTY?  In the last few months, the decline in my physical, mental and emotional well-being is snow-balling at a break-my flippin’-neck pace.  The eye-sight is going fast.  Everything hurts.  And I hear they are planning to give my arse its own zip code soon.

I guess part of the problem is that as Martina McBride would say, “Every morning when I drink my coffee, I can’t believe my life has turned out this way.”  That’s not to say that I’m not blessed.  Certainly I am.  And by contrast, when I compare my life to some, I admit that I feel a little ashamed of myself for whining.  But whining and/or wining makes me feel better, Dammick! 

As the self-appointed Queen of Everything, one might think that I would be above such triviality.  It’s really just a number after all.  But it’s  a really BIG number.   Waaaaaaaa.

I’ve never been one to make a plan.  In fact, bad things happen when I make plans, so I just don’t make them. I choose to live my life by the seat of my pants.  I play it by ear.  I go with the flow.  Whichever way the wind blows me.  I really hope you get the idea here because I seem to be out of clichés.  (And I never thought that could happen.)

I’m afraid that my lack of planning has left me feeling that I have lived without purpose.  Could it be that I was meant to do more than spread good cheer and nonsense wherever I go?  Is this it?  I mean after half a century, I should be able to look back and say, “WOW!  Look at all I’ve accomplished!”   Is it too late to take stock?  Perhaps a nice midlife crisis would do the trick but I don’t have time for that!   

I have to do something……even if it’s wrong.  Surely there is something I can do that will put me on the path to self fulfillment and enlightenment.  I’ve listed some possibilities:

• I could run away and join the circus.  I’m pretty sure I would make a really great trapeze artist.  (Do those costumes come in extra large?)
• I could join the Peace Corps.  (Except I heard they send you to countries that have no cheese!)
• I’ve given serious consideration to becoming an alcoholic but I keep forgetting to keep drinking after one glass of wine. 
• I could move to the beach and sell velvet Elvis paintings by the shore.  (a life-long dream of mine)
• CIA?  Covert Operative?  I AM an excellent markswoman.   I could do great things with a sniper rifle and work out my midlife frustrations at the same time.  Nah, I can never keep a secret.  *sigh* 

Will SMB survive the BIG ONE?  Stay tuned. 

25 YEARS AGO ON THIS DAY

Yes, it’s impossible hard to believe since I’m only 29 myself but 25 years ago I gave birth to a 7 lb 10oz bouncing, blonde haired, blue eyed princess.  She started her life a day late and a tax deduction short she has been late to every occasion since.  Nevertheless we love her so much and are very proud of the young woman she has become.

She and her sister traveled up to the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville with friends today to see Bobby Bowden’s last game and to **crossing fingers** watch the Seminoles beat West Virginia.  That leaves My Harley Stud and I on our own to watch the game on tv and gives me some extra time to make a fabulous (I hope) birthday cake.  I’m not really much of a baker and measuring is not my thing.  I like to throw it all in and see what happens.  In baking that usually means a disaster.  But today, I’m going to once again attempt to make Jack Daniels Chocolate Chip Celebration Cake.  True to its name, it has a little bit of Jack in the cake and the icing.  It’s very yummy.  I’ve made it twice and each time the cake was delicious but the presentation was CRAP.  The chocolate chips and nuts sunk to the bottom and stuck to the pan making a smooth removal impossible.  But not today.  I’ve got it all figured out.  I’ll take pictures and update you sometime this week.  And if you never hear me mention it again, you’ll know that my confidence was misplaced.  

I’m off to make my grocery list and get there and back before the game starts.  Some might say that is not even remotely possible.   Ye of little faith……….don’t forget my superpowers and that I have a dvr.

Don’t forget to eat your black-eyed peas and cabbage today for good luck and prosperity.  I know most people do either one or the other of these two dishes on New Years Day but I’m not taking any chances and we’re having both. 

Oh and one more thing before I go:
This is not so much a recipe as a new twist on an old recipe but this morning I got a little crazy in the kitchen and whipped up a concoction that made  MHS smile.  Always a good thing. 
I mixed some cream cheese (of which I have lots because it was on sale and I didn’t know that I was going to chop off the end of my thumb on Christmas Day and lose all motivation to make yummy cheesy concoctions over the holidays) *ahem* and some powdered sugar.  I smeared this concoction on a piece of bread and some homemade (not mine) strawberry jam on another piece of bread and made a sandwich.  Then I dipped the sandwich into beaten eggs, cinnamon and sugar and made stuffed french toast and repeated.  Served it with some lite Brown and Serve sausages and Voila!  Breakfast.   Try it.  You’ll thank me but your thighs might not.

Happy New Year, Y'all!


Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad

NEW YEAR'S BABY!

Twenty-four years ago tonight I was in labor. My Harley Stud and I were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child. We were rewarded the next day with a beautiful, pink bundle of joy. She has continued to provide us with wonder and joy for twenty-four (WOW, can we possibly be old enough to have a child that is twenty-four!) years. Happy Birthday, D1. We love you!

And to everyone else: Happy New Year! May it be the best yet!

Happy Birthday to Thistle too. Yippee for New Year's babies!