We were away for the weekend and arrived home late last night. I don’t know what it is about squeezing every last second out of a mini-vacation but we always do it and we always feel like poop on a stick the next day.
Anyway, it was late, I was tired and all I wanted was to go to bed. I quickly breezed thru my night-time routine. The last step is to take my birth-control pill.
There are some lurkers here that should probably have stepped away from the screen before that last paragraph. Daddy, Uncle M, my daughters, and my niece. Yeah, you. For the record, I don’t have sex, I simply take those little pills because I need the 5 extra pounds, they help me remember what day it is, it helps to relieve my Oh screw it, yes, I have sex, dammit! (Not really, Daddy)
Anyway, something happened when I pushed that little round pill thru the foil pack that has never happened to me before. The pill crumbled into my hand. EEK! I stared at it in shock. I tried not to panic. This would require some clear thinking. This little tiny pill is all that remains between me and a little tiny mini-me.
I love my children more than life itself. Don’t get me wrong. But the LAST thing I want at forty *cough* eight years old is a baby. Those mid-life crisis babies are a b*tch! I know because I am one.
I really don’t have anything to worry about because I am 100 percent certain that if I told MHS we were expecting again, he would kill me in my sleep. He has just the gun to do it too. Now of course, he might be more sneaky about it and poison or drown me. Mark my words, if I suddenly become DEAD, perform a pregnancy test.
I don’t mean to imply that MHS doesn’t love our children either but after 24 years of child rearing, he’s looking forward to some undivided attention. He’s not getting it since I’ve discovered blogging but he is still holding out hope that I’ll lose interest in this whole blogging thing and come back to him. Silly man.
So, I’m staring at the pile of pill crumbs in my palm and wondering what is the best way to make certain that I get all the crumbs ingested. I don’t want to leave any margin for error. So I licked my hand. Yes.I.Did! And then just to be sure, I licked the inside of the plastic container too. You can’t take any chances.
