FASHIONISTA FRIDAY

The attire for the evening was Sunday Best.

It was Parent’s Weekend at Daughter #2’s university. She pledged to a sorority this year and that meant that Parent’s Weekend was more than just tailgating and going to the football game. There were functions to attend. The first was the New Member Banquet. And the attire was Sunday Best.

I’m sorry to say but it’s been awhile since my butt has found a place in the pew. Note to self: Get back to church. But even so, we live in South Florida where churches tend to be a little more casual so you can head straight to the beach after services. It’s not that I didn’t know what Sunday Best meant. It’s just that I didn’t have a lot of it and what I did have was terribly outdated. A shopping trip was in order.

Of course I waited until the last minute to attend to this matter. If it weren’t for the last minute, I would never get anything done. The night before we were to leave, I made plans with Daughter #1 to meet me for some shopping fun. If you are fashion challenged, like me, this is where you need to pay close attention: Bring a fashion consultant.

I should probably point out that while I don’t think I have bad taste, no one thinks that they have bad taste, I do have a hard time stepping out of my fashion box. This results in my wardrobe resembling a closet full of uniforms. I tend to go for layers, solid colors and timeless pieces that I can wear for 10 years before replacing.

When I arrived at the store, D1 was already there with her arms full. She quickly tried to usher me into the fitting room. I attempted to look over what she had selected first but she insisted that we just go straight into the dressing room.

Once inside, there was really only one thing there that I might have chosen myself. But knowing that I really need to step out of my box and she was so excited, I indulged her by trying on the dresses. Much to my surprise, I liked them all. She had not only found dresses that were stylish like I might know but also were a size smaller. Yahoo! She even managed to find items that were within my budget. This was fun.

Oddly enough, the only dress that I didn’t really care for was the one that I would have selected if I had been doing the choosing. I eventually selected one dress for the banquet and another because I couldn’t walk away from the price. We quickly made jewelry and shoe decisions and were on our way.

There was just one other purchase that had to be made on the way. SPANX. If you don’t know what they are, do the research. It is a must. Just say NO to panty lines …..SERIOUSLY. I opted for the Target version known as ASSETS. They are made by the same company but missing the tinkle hole in the “ya know”. (Like that wouldn’t be a disaster in itself anyway) My ASSETS worked like a charm for my assets. *wink* There is one thing you need to remember: Buy a size smaller than the chart on the back of the package indicates.

For the fashion challenged like me, let’s review:

1. Always take your fashion consultant with you. If you don’t have a fashion consultant, mine is available free of charge. You just have to pay for her airfare. She loves to travel.

2. Never be afraid to try something you wouldn’t choose for yourself.

3. Always consider Spanx/Assets to enhance your…well….ass..ets.

When I stepped out for the evening, I felt great. Confident that I looked tasteful, fashionable and thanks to ASSETS, a little slimmer. Even if My Harley Stud did think that I looked a bit like a flight attendant. JACKASS!

“Would you care for a headset? That will be $5.00. Thank you for flying SMB Airlines.”

I’M A BIG KID NOW

I wore a scarf to work yesterday. It was awkward. I know, I know….”accessories make the outfit.”

Why is it that every time I try to step out of my box with a new accessory, I feel like the seven year old SMB playing dress-up?

A trendy necklace, bangle bracelets, above-mentioned scarf…they all make me feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. Someone way cooler than me. And then I feel silly and take it off.

But not this time. This time I wore my scarf proudly. I strutted around like a dang supermodel. I was a grown-up. All day. I was ……dare I say it……almost chic. It felt good.

What do you wear to step out of your wardrobe box? What makes you feel like a grown-up? Or do you always feel like a grown-up because you are one? Surely I can’t be the only one who feels this way?

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad

FASHION POLICE BUST LOW RIDERS

I came across an article in the local paper yesterday. A much publicized case went before the judge. A city in Palm Beach County has passed a law banning the wearing of pants so low that your skin or undergarments show. Now the law is being challenged.

The case has been all over the television news but the article in the paper caught my eye because I recognized the judge. She’s a friend of my friend, The Trophy Wife. We used to go to the same gym before I changed teams in favor of more latin booty classes. She’s in really great shape too but I digress.

I immediately felt badly for her. Not because she has such a difficult task in front of her but because she has to tolerate this drivel and pretend to take it seriously.

I am no fan of this particular fashion trend. Though I am slightly amused every time I see a young man running awkwardly across the street with one hand on his breeches to keep them from falling to the pavement. But I don’t like it. I think it looks stupid. It can’t possibly be comfortable. I can’t for the life of me see the appeal. However, I also think that spending tax dollars to pass a law against such nonsense is just as absurd.

I’ve linked the article so I’m not going to rewrite it here. If you haven’t already, go there now. I’ll wait.

*patiently drumming long, beautifully manicured nails on the table* (That’s the beauty of a blog, you know. You can lie about how awful your hands look and no one is the wiser) Uh…er… well…until now. Damn.

I will assume you are all now well-informed.

Here’s the thing: Don’t you think that if we didn’t make such a fuss, this ugly trend would just die out like the mullet? Imagine the man hours that went into passing this law. (Notice I said, man hours? I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a woman there THAT day. Sorry, fellers, we women folk are just more practical than that.) Seriously, do we really not have better things to do? We’ve got child abusers, drug dealers, drunken boaters running over manatees and the homeless on every other corner. Heck, just last week, I heard the guy down the street tore the tags off his mattress. Come on, people! We’ve got a bigger job to do. Let’s keep our eye on the ball.

Each time I hear about this case in the media, I’m reminded of when Daughter #1 was in middle school. She was working as an aide in the office. It was a dress code violation to wear backless shoes. She was reaching up into a filing cabinet and her backless clogs were exposed just as one of the deans walked by. He reprimanded her. She came back with, “Doesn’t someone have drugs in their locker?” As you can see, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Smart mouths run in the family it would seem. (Now she is a middle school teacher and gets to deal with kids just like her on a daily basis. Life is funny like that.)

Can we agree that having fashion police running around arresting young people for bad taste is a waste of time and money? Do you have a local law that is just as ridiculous? Or maybe you disagree and think this is a good law. I can respect that even if you’re wrong and agree to disagree. Let’s hear it. Come on…..