HAPPY “@#$%&*” BIRTHDAY

The big day has finally arrived and as you read this, I’m probably still in bed with the covers pulled over my head, curled into a fetal position saying, “I don’t want to grow up!  I don’t want to grow up!”  But grow up, I must, or so they tell me. 

For the sake of humanity and the smell of Peppermint Mocha, I will crawl out of bed.  I will put on my big girl panties and suck it up.  I will soldier on armed with fuzzy socks and a very large glass of wine.  And I will do this for you.  Yes, YOU! 

It occurred to me over the past few weeks while searching for meaning and purpose in my life that the title of this blog promises “words of  wisdom” and it’s high time I start delivering the merchandise.  And so a plan started to develop:

As the self-appointed QUEEN OF EVERYTHING, I am quite certain that I do……know it ALL!  And what I don’t know, I am more than happy to make up.  It is in this spirit that I wish for you to benefit from my wisdom, my experience and my general knowitalliness.  I hereby  swear   promise   plan   hope to post a tidbit of wisdom here every day of my 50th year. (And before someone smarty points it out, I already know that it is technically my 51st year.  GEESH, you are pushing my buttons!”)  It is my hope that you will come to rely on these pages as your go-to source for life rules.  It will be a sacrifice, sure.  My family will once again grow accustomed to being ignored while I compose little pearls of wisdom for the “masses”.  Not to worry.  I live only to serve. 

What?  You don’t think you can take life advice from a woman who whispers to goats and will believe in Santa Claus until the day she dies?  SHUT UP!  I CANNOT handle turning fifty and rejection too! You just keep those thoughts to yourself and I will continue to live in the dream.  Listen!  I need purpose here, people!  This is the deal:  I post the gems that are truly words to live by and you continue to pretend to follow my advice and nobody gets hurt.  OK?


Stay tuned for the first life lesson tomorrow.  What?  You thought I was going to give you a tip today?  Forget that.  It’s my birthday.  I’m taking the day off. 

Love and Kisses,
SMB

Technical Difficulties

I can't seem to get my banner photograph to stretch across the entire page.   I've done this a thousand times but those same steps aren't working today,  Any suggestions?

FIFTY AND FABULOUS…..

…….OR BITE ME – (You choose.)

I’m about to “celebrate” a big birthday.  Yeah….THAT one.  And so far, I’m not dealing with the idea very well.  I’ve never been one to be bothered by the passing of another age milestone: 

Thirty?  I was THRIVING.  Didn’t phase me.

Forty?  Lordy, this is fun.  Bring it on.

But FIFTY?  In the last few months, the decline in my physical, mental and emotional well-being is snow-balling at a break-my flippin’-neck pace.  The eye-sight is going fast.  Everything hurts.  And I hear they are planning to give my arse its own zip code soon.

I guess part of the problem is that as Martina McBride would say, “Every morning when I drink my coffee, I can’t believe my life has turned out this way.”  That’s not to say that I’m not blessed.  Certainly I am.  And by contrast, when I compare my life to some, I admit that I feel a little ashamed of myself for whining.  But whining and/or wining makes me feel better, Dammick! 

As the self-appointed Queen of Everything, one might think that I would be above such triviality.  It’s really just a number after all.  But it’s  a really BIG number.   Waaaaaaaa.

I’ve never been one to make a plan.  In fact, bad things happen when I make plans, so I just don’t make them. I choose to live my life by the seat of my pants.  I play it by ear.  I go with the flow.  Whichever way the wind blows me.  I really hope you get the idea here because I seem to be out of clichés.  (And I never thought that could happen.)

I’m afraid that my lack of planning has left me feeling that I have lived without purpose.  Could it be that I was meant to do more than spread good cheer and nonsense wherever I go?  Is this it?  I mean after half a century, I should be able to look back and say, “WOW!  Look at all I’ve accomplished!”   Is it too late to take stock?  Perhaps a nice midlife crisis would do the trick but I don’t have time for that!   

I have to do something……even if it’s wrong.  Surely there is something I can do that will put me on the path to self fulfillment and enlightenment.  I’ve listed some possibilities:

• I could run away and join the circus.  I’m pretty sure I would make a really great trapeze artist.  (Do those costumes come in extra large?)
• I could join the Peace Corps.  (Except I heard they send you to countries that have no cheese!)
• I’ve given serious consideration to becoming an alcoholic but I keep forgetting to keep drinking after one glass of wine. 
• I could move to the beach and sell velvet Elvis paintings by the shore.  (a life-long dream of mine)
• CIA?  Covert Operative?  I AM an excellent markswoman.   I could do great things with a sniper rifle and work out my midlife frustrations at the same time.  Nah, I can never keep a secret.  *sigh* 

Will SMB survive the BIG ONE?  Stay tuned. 

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE……

I’ve been absent from these pages for far too long.  The simple truth is that I didn’t feel that I had anything of any interest to say.  That’s about to change.  If there is anyone still out there, stay tuned.  If I don’t get hit by a bus between now and two weeks  ten days  awhile from now, you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me. 

I miss you.  And besides that, I just got a new laptop and feel the need to get my money's worth.  *wink*

To You and Yours

.....From Me and Mine

Have a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY!  May it be filled with all the things that make you happy, content and feeling blessed.

Love and Hugs,
SMB