Sunday, March 22, 2009


I was just going thru the mail that piled up all week and I ignored came yesterday when I came upon the Val-Pak. You know the Val-Pak, right? That direct-marketing envelope full of coupon love for all you money savers out there looking to pressure wash your patio, join a gym or have your taxes done by a "real professional who can save you millions". I know that I should just throw it away. I can't help myself. I have to go through it before I toss it. You never know. There just might be a discount on that Wii I'm wishing hoping praying for. But I digress.

There was a coupon for a local sushi restaurant in the Val-Pak. I love sushi. But it wasn't the idea of enjoying a delicious sushi supper with My Harley Stud that made me stop to look at the ad. It was the headline on the flyer.

Sexy Sushi for Sexy People

What in the name of all that is Victoria's Secret and silky lingerie is "sexy sushi"? Seriously? Does this type of advertising work?

I like my man to be sexy. I like to feel sexy. Who doesn't? But I'm not sure I want to eat sexy sushi. Maybe I do. I don't know. What does that even mean? I have so many questions.

  1. What if you're not sexy? Are you still allowed to order?
  2. Who's the judge? One man's sexy is another man's er….uh….reject.
  3. Does eating the sushi make you sexy?
  4. Does eating the sushi make you feel sexy?
  5. Does eating the sushi make you want sex(y)?
  6. What makes the sushi sexy? Is it in the preparation? Is it the ingredients? Is it the chef?

These are questions I need to have answered!

I have this vision of Bloody Mary from the South Pacific standing guard at the door. "You no sexy like lieu-tellen." I love that movie.

But seriously, who are they kidding? This type of advertising never works. Do they really think I'm that stupid? It's an insult to my intelligence to assume that all it will take to get me into their restaurant is to tell me that I'm sexy if I eat their sexy sushi! I don't think I've ever been so offended!

I'm going to have to cut this post short. I have a lunch date for sushi.


Beth said...

All I've gotta say is, What are they doing in the kitchen? Is there a *secret* ingredient they add to the sticky rice? Holy schnike! I will definitely look at sushi in a different light now.

Jan said...

I don't know whose idea the "sexy sushi for sexy people" was (which immediately rules me out unless "sexy" is defined by short, fat and middle aged), but I do believe they've been going to my site.

Not because it's sexy, by ANY means, but who else keeps finding my site with search terms like "sushi sex bar", "I want to have sex in a sushi bar" and "how to have sex in a sushi bar". I get a ton of variations on those every month.

That last one is something I'd like to know myself, frankly. Not that I'd do it - I have no desire to traumatize any poor sushi chefs - I'm just...curious.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I was already laughing from your post, then Beth and Jan cracked me up some more. We eat a lot of sushi over here and I don't know if it will ever be the same after you ladies.

This is what the ad might have been alluding to...

Certain raw seafoods are supposed to have the stuff that makes a guy more potent...

Eating raw, visually appealing foods is supposed to be sensually appealing....

And last, but certainly not least, Ume sushi, or sea urchin, is supposed to have the fragrance of a does one say this on the internet, over here they call it "punani"

Anonymous said...

I had to look up Punani from Pseudo's comment and did you know there is an actual "sex dictionary"? comment will have to wait.......I've got some reading to do.

LiLu said...

I'm sure it's all-inclusive sexiness... anyone who eats sushi is clearly The Hawtness.

Nope... no matter how you bend it, it just doesn't make sense.

Fragrant Liar said...

HAHAHAHAHA. You are a riot today. I think they just wanted to sex up their ad and attract attention, which apparently worked. :)

But I would like to give credence to Pseudo for the panini idea. Oh, wait. That's punani. (I can never keep those two straight.) And so, ick or woo-hoo, depends on how much you like your date.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Beth-Ewwwww. Me too now. Thanks. *wink*

Jan-ROFL @ your search terms.

Pseudo-Leave it to the teacher to set me straight. Remind me to skip the Ume from now on.

MLS-Go ahead, I'll wait. Just be sure to share what you learn with the rest of us.

Lilu-See what I mean.*sigh*

Liar-ROFLMAO @ panini. I think I'll skip that lunch date afterall.

Tessa said...

I vote we blame Jan. She's the one who started sexing up sushi with her website. I'm still trying to get my head around raw fish being thought sexy - except by another raw fish, I guess.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Sushi? I just ate it two days ago for the first time. THAT stuff could be as addicting as alcohol! Sexy? What's that?
LOL I think you get my drift...but...let me tell you, if I thought there was even HALF a chance...naw...never mind. :(
Breaking into a lilting "The Party's over!" here. LOL Be sure and update us!!

Anonymous said...

It may really depend on how they SHAPE the sushi. I remember those erotic birthday cakes. But let's see. They never turned me on, but I do think if you shaped the sushi a certain way, I'd swoon.~Mary

only a movie said...

Well, to be sure, now your site is going to get a ton of hits from people not expecting to find a blog by a nice lady from Florida.

Maybe the weird headline is a language/cultural crossed wire.

Now I want to go find some sushi.

Really funny post, SMB. :-)

smiles4u said...

Too funny. I was already laughing from your post but then started reading the comments and now I can't stop. I will never think of sushi the same. Thanks for making me laugh...I really needed this.

Debra said...

Beats the hell out of me! But sex does sell. Sexy sushi, say that that five times really fast and you have a tongue twister! Sushi is one of those things that looks so good to me. I want to like it because it looks so good, er... I mean sexy (?). But I HATE it! But I will take some sexy raw oysters in ole day! You know what the say about oysters!

Auntie, aka cagny said...

That picture looks a little sexy, especially after a few beers.
I think I will wrap myself up with some seaweed and dab a little wasabi sauce behind the ears tonite....

Vodka Mom said...

Who exactly DOES this advertising? Oh well, gotta run. I have some sushi in the fridge calling my name....

Anonymous said...

When you find out what gives sushi the sexy, please do let us know.

Gaston Studio said...

Hate to be redundant but like everyone else, you had me going and then I broke into laughs. Definitely needed it since I hurt my back today doing yard work!
Where's the sushi... I mean the ibuprophen.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Tessa-Yes, that's it. We'll blame it on Jan. She's the one that sexed up the sushi.

Mona-It's great, isn't it? Or at least I thought so before I read some of these comments. LOL

F&M-You crack me up.


Smiles-They're a funny bunch, aren't they?

Debra-Now I can't get your tongue twister out of my head.

Auntie-ROFL @ dabbing wasabi behind your ears.

VM-Be sure to let us know if it was sexy or not.

BV-Your guess is as good as mine.

Gaston-Hope your back feels better. Maybe sushi has healing properties as well as sexy ones.

tera said...

Well, obviously I'm in the minority, but - I don't care if I'm never considered sexy again...I just can't eat sushi. Ugh. But this post definitely made me giggle! :)

Twenty Four At Heart said...

My favorite sushi restaurant is in Santa Barbara. Just visited it last week. Drool .... slobber ... drool! Haven't noticed a correlation to an increased libido after eating it though! In fact, I think I get food coma and nod right off to sleep ......

Lo said...

crap, now i'm craving sushi. however, i too am a value pack junkie. the whole 'need a new roof?' 'great powerwasher!!' 'bathroom enclosure will cure your toxic marriage!!!' never fails to suck me in. alas, i have never seen a sexy sushi ad. i need to go check my mail.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you dont have to be sexy to eat the sushi. And maybe the sushi doesn't make you sexy.'s the actual sushi that is sexy. And therein lies another hole can of worms (or sushi).