Monday, January 26, 2009

I’M FINE, REALLY JUST FINE (A Lucy Story)


Do you watch the Ghost Whisperer? I'm somewhat of a new fan to this program but really enjoy it. Do you think we can communicate with the dead? Can they leave us messages? Do our loved ones who've gone before us watch over and protect us? These are questions that I can't answer but I assume when I get to heaven (God willing….literally) that it will all become clear. Until then, I'm going to choose to believe that even though my mother, Lucy, died almost five years ago, she still watches over me.

Lucy died from colon cancer. It was without a doubt, the most difficult time in my life to date. Our family was fortunate that we had many friends and family members who came to visit, called to give encouragement and were there for us during this heart-breaking time. Eventually the formalities that we all practice became humorous to me. People would greet me by saying, "How are you?" I would answer, "Fine." Of course, I wasn't really fine. I would giggle to myself. OK, I didn't actually giggle. It was just a little game I played in my head.

You see, months before Lucy became ill; I had been in church listening to a guest speaker. He spoke of how we all greet people by asking how they are, never meaning for them to really tell us. We just expect them to say "fine" so we can move on. He went on to say that most of us are hurting in some way but will still answer that question by saying "fine."

He then proceeded to give the word fine as an acronym.

F=fearful

I=insecure

N=neurotic

E=…………..uh…………………..Damn, I can never remember E.


Each time a friend would ask me how I was doing. I would answer that I was fine. But in my head, I was reciting that I was F.I.N.........E?????? And then I would go on racking my brain to remember what the E was for.

After Lucy passed, I was going through some of her things. I came across a church bulletin from my church. I should mention here that my parents live 200 miles north of where I live so we did not attend the same church. When I opened the bulletin, I saw that it was from that same day when we had the guest speaker and there in my mother's handwriting were the letters:

F=fearful; I=insecure; N=neurotic; E=emotional!

That's it! I couldn't believe that I had forgotten it. No matter how hard I had tried, I couldn't remember what the "E" stood for. Mom to the rescue, once again. I didn't even remember that she had been with me in church that day. But there it was in black and white, the answer for which I had been searching.

I smiled and thanked her with tears in my eyes. But they were happy tears. Because at that moment, I knew that Lucy was still watching over me. Like every mother does for her child. And I believe she always will.


Have you had a similar experience?






25 comments:

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Dad passed in August of 2000. We were in the middle of moving from Arizona to Maryland at that time, so I was in pain from his death as well as pain and stress from leaving behind familiar surroundings and moving cross country where we knew no one. I cried for months, could not get off the couch some days. BUT, I'll always have the warm memory of feeling his presence in the hallway leading to the living room even though I knew he was physically lying in a bed in the back bedroom dying. Knowing that his spirit had floated out to the living room to be near his wife and daughters who were sitting there was what I needed at that moment. I don't believe in the power of others to communicate with our loved ones... I believe our loved ones communicate only with those they loved the most... family members. BUT, others may have different experiences that prove me wrong.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Fragrant Liar said...

Well, my experience is that after my sister passed last October, whenever I stood in my closet, she would help me pick out what to wear. She talked (and still does talk) to me about what looks good together and what I should try on. Sounds crazy, I know.

In life, my sister had financial wealth and a closet stuffed full of high-dollar clothes to prove it. However, she regularly took less advantaged women into her closet and said, pick whatever you want.

As I had mentioned this practice of hers in the eulogy, many women approached me afterward to tell me that they were one of those fortunate women whom Dee had invited into her closet.

So it's this feeling of being near her that I hold very dear in my heart . . . in my closet where it's just she and I. :)

KJ

T5M said...

I love that, just awesome.

My maternal grandmother passed away 8 years before my father. At that time, he gave my mom a bereavement card (they were divorced) - sort of a generic style card which he signed simply "Tim".

When he passed, I found that card that he had given and signed and read those comforting words that were signed by him. It was so special to feel as though he were comforting me about his own death.

Boy, writing that seems a little funky - maybe it was one of those things that you had to be there for.

Anyway, I don't think that dead people are watching over me, and I don't want to think so. I like to think that God is watching over me, cause He has all the power. I know this sounds odd, but I don't want my dad to see me in the shower, or "with my husband". I prefer to think that my dad is busy doing things for God in Heaven.

Midlife Slices said...

This story gave me goose bumps and made me teary. Of course I believe our loved ones who have gone before us, watch over us. I've even awakened from what I thought was a dream and still felt the hot breath of that person whispering the answer into my ear. Now I'm supposed to be on the road, dammit so I gotta go before the weather gets any worse. Ugh....

nothingfancy1 said...

What a wonderful story. Having lost my mother 5 years ago as well, this one struck home with me. It's always when you least expect it...something happens...and you're warmed with a feeling that Mom is right there with you. Thanks for reminding me of that.

F.I.N.E. I'm going to remember that.

LiLu said...

I am far more frightened by the idea of my mother's death than me own... except for the pain it would cause HER.

Our mothers are with us, always. Because they just HAVE to be.

lisa said...

At one point, we lived in a really old house and someone (the previous owner?) visited me. Although I was fully asleep, I was "awake" to have a conversation with this person. It was so real and an amazing experience.

only a movie said...

I love these kind of stories!! I believe that they can let us know they are there in many different ways. It's comforting, isn't it?

Stepping Thru said...

At some of the lowest points in my life I have dreamed about my maternal grandmother. She was always so supportive and so loving. I can remember sitting on her lap and crying when I found out my parents were divorcing. During the low points in my life I have dreamed about her and awaken with the smell of her body powder surrounding me. I just lie there and inhale her scent and feel at peace.

Lo said...

for some reason, i am VERY sensitive. as in. other-world sensitive. i have seen things that make the hair stand up on the back of my neck. i believe in a lot of things and that's why i'm agnostic. it's hard for me to join a particular religion when i've seen the stuff i have.

i feel my grandfather, my moms dad, ALL THE TIME. he watches over me. when my grandpa passed when i was 2 or 3, i forget- that night my mom woke up in the middle of the night and there was grandpa. he waved to her and said goodbye, and that was it. she was so shaken up she got up and immediately called to see what was wrong.

he had passed at the EXACT TIME she saw him fade away. she looked at hte clock and found out later it was his time of death.

phew i'm tearing up as i type this. i never knew him on earth but boy do i know him in spirit. he has guided me from doing very stupid things.

i also was once forced to move bc of a 'presence' in a house once. we ripped up the old carpet to put hard wood in and i am convinced it disturbed the energy. i'm pretty sure a woman was sexually assaulted by someone in the bedroom and i was the lucky one who had to re-live it in dreams. every night.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

What a touching post! The comments make for great reading too!

Mona said...

I met Patrick when I was fifteen. I married him the day I graduated from high school at 17. We were married for 43 years. He had a massive stroke on Dec. 5, 1997 and was put on life support. He died ten days later on the 15th at 3:30 in the morning. I never, in this lifetime want to go through such grief again. After his service when everyone began go back to their lives, my sweet aunt came to be with me for a few days. She slept in the same bed with me. One morning coming out of a restless sleep I felt him curled up along my back. I knew who it was..but suddenly I was wide awake and knew it wasn't possible. I paniced knowing it was not possible and reached over to my Aunt and tapped her. She didn't stir so I hit her..and she came awake saying alarmed "What??!"
I said "Someone is in bed ..they are behind me!!" She came wide awake and said "WHAT?!" I said it again and suddenly I felt him begin to fade..it was like a tingling. I describe it as a sparkling. It was odd...and then he was gone. I told her what had happened and she believed me.
I think..I really think it was a gift. I do. I think it was a last wish that was granted. Other things have happened..that was the first one. I miss him. I will until I die.

VT Mom said...

Great post! We call the "Fine" answer a "social fake". You aren't really fine but its what everyone is expecting to hear. I love reading everyone's comments too.

thistle said...

I absolutely believe in ghosts...i don't think you can have a real connection with someone and not believe they are still around when they are gone...i think it's one of the reasons people who have been together forever often pass soon after they lose their beloved other half...they miss them too much and need to join them...

lovely post...made me a bit tingly...as did many of the comments...

goodbadandugly2 said...

very touching. I watch Ghost Whisperer. This stuff is so interesting to me.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

The stories you all have shared were great and a post in themselves. You should do it. Thank you for sharing and for your compassion and friendship. ***muaaahhh***

thyme said...

I think I have, I just can't remember an instance that was similarly precise, but when I have to travel and am staying in a hotel, I'm always prevented from feeling lonely by the spirit of my grandfathers, who travelled a lot and stayed in hotels. It is as if I really feel my grandfather is present.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

What a beautiful and comforting post, as well as the stories in the comment thread. I, too, believe our loved ones watch over us. FOr me, it is in my dreams. Whenever I dream of my grandmother, when Iwake up I truly feel as if I had visited with her.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

thyme-I find all this fascinating.

Pseudo- I like to think that is the way it is but it will all be revealed soon enough. Hopefully not too soon though.

blueviolet said...

My dad died this past summer and I truly believe that he has come to me in my dreams twice now. He has come to my sister twice as well. It's really brief but it's different than a normal dream. I needed him at those times and he was there. I woke up crying both times though.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

BV-It took over 4 years but I finally had a dream about my mom. I posted about it: A Strange Telephone conversation. It was great.

warriorwitch said...

We live on after the body has given out - I know this for sure.
If there's a ghost in the room I find him.

I don't know about the hanging around to watch over us. I prefer to think they go to heaven and it's the angels and the ones we call guides who have that job.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

WW-I guess we'll all find out eventually. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you'll come back again.

qtpie said...

I'm just catching up on reading your blogs. I had to start back in January, so this is a real late post, but I loved it! Once again I want to kick myself for not getting to know Aunt Lucy better, but what can I say. When your young, those things don't seem to come to mind. I love the FINE. I've typed it up and it is proudly being displayed on my work wall! Love you!

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