Do you watch the Ghost Whisperer? I'm somewhat of a new fan to this program but really enjoy it. Do you think we can communicate with the dead? Can they leave us messages? Do our loved ones who've gone before us watch over and protect us? These are questions that I can't answer but I assume when I get to heaven (God willing….literally) that it will all become clear. Until then, I'm going to choose to believe that even though my mother, Lucy, died almost five years ago, she still watches over me.
Lucy died from colon cancer. It was without a doubt, the most difficult time in my life to date. Our family was fortunate that we had many friends and family members who came to visit, called to give encouragement and were there for us during this heart-breaking time. Eventually the formalities that we all practice became humorous to me. People would greet me by saying, "How are you?" I would answer, "Fine." Of course, I wasn't really fine. I would giggle to myself. OK, I didn't actually giggle. It was just a little game I played in my head.
You see, months before Lucy became ill; I had been in church listening to a guest speaker. He spoke of how we all greet people by asking how they are, never meaning for them to really tell us. We just expect them to say "fine" so we can move on. He went on to say that most of us are hurting in some way but will still answer that question by saying "fine."
He then proceeded to give the word fine as an acronym.
E=…………..uh…………………..Damn, I can never remember E.
Each time a friend would ask me how I was doing. I would answer that I was fine. But in my head, I was reciting that I was F.I.N.........E?????? And then I would go on racking my brain to remember what the E was for.
After Lucy passed, I was going through some of her things. I came across a church bulletin from my church. I should mention here that my parents live 200 miles north of where I live so we did not attend the same church. When I opened the bulletin, I saw that it was from that same day when we had the guest speaker and there in my mother's handwriting were the letters:
F=fearful; I=insecure; N=neurotic; E=emotional!
That's it! I couldn't believe that I had forgotten it. No matter how hard I had tried, I couldn't remember what the "E" stood for. Mom to the rescue, once again. I didn't even remember that she had been with me in church that day. But there it was in black and white, the answer for which I had been searching.
I smiled and thanked her with tears in my eyes. But they were happy tears. Because at that moment, I knew that Lucy was still watching over me. Like every mother does for her child. And I believe she always will.
Have you had a similar experience?