Friday, May 8, 2009



There is something in the air. Janie suggested that it’s hormonal (read: meno- flippin psycho, raving lunatic, cranky b*tch pausal). I spent a few stolen minutes on her couch yesterday. Thanks, Janie. Erin informed me that tomorrow is a full moon. EEK! Could it be that my werewolf tendencies are working in advance? The point is: all over the interwebs, I’m seeing, reading, hearing that something is about to blow. I think it’s me.

I think I bit Daughter #2’s head off three times yesterday. Rather remarkable actually as she only has one head. (She must be like the chameleon who grows its tail back when you pull it off.) She responded to these multiple beheadings by bringing me flowers at the end of the day. (She’s too young to buy alcohol.)

**Let’s all take a moment to contemplate what a terrible person I am and how very sweet D2 is.**

Here’s the thing: I like all the skies in my world to be blue ALL the time. And as a very wise 12 year old (D1) once told me, "Life just isn’t like that.” Dammit!

I don’t really like posting about the stinky stuff in my life unless I can turn it into a funny because let’s face it we all have stinky stuff and who wants to hear that? I’m posting the sludge today because I need your help. (Read: I can’t afford therapy.)

Below are a list of my current symptoms and some self-analysis. I’m begging you to channel your inner psychologist and therapize me.

  • I’m tired. Bone tired. I’m getting enough sleep, I’m sure but still I’m tired.
  • I’m cranky, almost angry and having a hard time hiding it. (I’m usually pretty good at deceiving the many and taking it out on the few.)
  • I don’t want to do anything (and I have a LOT to do.)
  • Mother’s Day is almost here. Perhaps, I’m subconsciously reacting because I miss my mom. I don’t want to be pampered. I want to run away. (oops, did I say that out loud?)
  • I can’t remember if I felt this way last year. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. I can’t remember to pick up my dry-cleaning. (They may have sold it) I can’t remember what I can’t remember.
  • I’m whiny. Please pardon my statement of the obvious.

So……………….there you have it. I have more but I fear that if I continue to whine, complain, snark and grumble, you won’t come back again and to whom will I turn then?

Any suggestions?

I could shoot something but the gun range is temporarily closed due to some ridiculous zoning laws.

The emergency stash of dark chocolate m&ms isn’t working.

I could go to see the Disney Earth movie again. That was a smile maker.

I’m going for a coffee refill. With any luck, y’all will come up with a solution to the disaster that is me by the time I get back.

Geez, I hate being a biatch! And yet…………….I can’t help myself. ACK!


only a movie said...

Actually, I think the full-moon is today. My desk calendar (at work, where I am not,) said the 9th, but my full-moon widget says today.

Are you on any hormone therapy? Seriously, it could be related. I've had days when slamming doors and swearing my vilest swears weren't satisfying enough. Being on hormones has taken the edge off *that* nastiness.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Also, Mother's Day does me right in...

If you want to run away waaaaay up North, I'm all for it.

Jan said...

Yes, dear, I'd say you are in the grips of a menopausal smack-down. Everything you listed is EXACTLY how I feel when I'm in the midst of one. I'd love to be able to tell you how to snap out of it. I will, soon as I figure it out.

That being said, I sometimes make Beloved take me for a drive somewhere AWAY FROM THE HOUSE AND OFFICE and that often helps, at least a little. Perhaps a day-trip to the beach is in order? After all, it IS Mother's Day and you should be able to do what you want - and if you'd rather be somewhere else instead of being fawned over all day, I say go for it.

I hope you feel better soon, hon.

midlife slices said...

I could have written this exact post. I KNOW I'm due for hormone implant replacements so I'm hoping that takes care of the problem. I'm also being told that a deficiency in Vitamin D and B12 can cause symptoms. My Doc also recommends Magnesium for "feeling of well being" but I can't remember to take them. The more I forget, the more scared I get. It's a vicious cycle. I think we need a girls retreat.

HUGS......sorry I can't offer anything but my total and complete friendship and the knowledge that you're not alone.

midlife slices said...

p.s. I usually have a melt-down during Mother's Day weekend and want to be left alone. I think I resent and mourn the fact that I don't have a mother to honor.....or something of the sorts.

I'm giving you another HUG for good measure.

Linda said...

My iron deficiency maked me tired all the time and not feel like doing anything, which in turn made me grumpy (read bitch from hell). The full moon, Mother's Day, being 40 something could all have something to do with it. Get a check up and then come to South Carolina and sit on the dock with me and we'll uncork a couple bottles of wine;)

Peggy. said...

yep sounds like good old menopause. I hate that word I wish I could think of a better one. At least when I had PMS I new it would pass once I started but since I let them have my girl parts the symptoms come and go as they please. I tried hormones but I didn't see a huge improvement. Maybe some prozac will do the trick?

Gaston Studio said...

1. Harmonal imbalance (menopause)
2. Chemical imbalance
3. Iron deficiency
4. Other kinds of imbalances

Get a CHECKUP asap!

Seriously it could be a number of things and you shouldn't ignore it. Write down ALL your symptoms so you don't forget to tell the doctor and DON'T let them tell you it's something definite WITHOUT testing for it first!

Sorry to sound all-knowing but I am a lot older than you!

Oz Girl said...

The bone tired thing could have something to do with thyroid levels -- women our age commonly have messed up thyroids along with all the menopausal crap. I stay on the pill to help keep my hormones in check, but I've noticed lately the week I'm off the pill, everything in my psyche is TOTALLY whacked. That week is next week and I just can't wait. I will have at least 2 days with zero, no make that negative, motivation.

So I guess the best solace is that we ARE all in this together. Like you, I hate to whine or bitch about anything on my blog. Who likes a whiner?! But let's face it, we all know that the reality of life is not a sunny day, everyday.

I think we all need a girls getaway. With wine. Alcohol. And big laughs. :-D

Anonymous said...

It could be that it's due to the fact that it's been raining for like, what...the past month. No sunshine(at least here)

Maybe you're just bored with routine and need a change of scenery. Get on your bike and ride.

Oz Girl said...

Oh forgot to mention... maybe go see UP, the new Disney movie? Not sure when it's out, but the commercials look funny. I haven't seen Earth, will check it out.

Hugs ~ hope you feel better soon! :)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

First of all, hugs and smooches from my side of the world to yours.

Sounds like the big M word. I suggest taking good vitamins and I take Evening Primrose Oil capsules. My sister recommended them and they seemed to help.

Mother's Day I go to the beach and veg. I say it is my day off from being a mom.

Love to you.

A day at the spa might be nice for you too.

Midlife Mama said...

yup, yup, check, check. I've been doing that, too. IN fact, last November my cranky ass almost lost me a promotion. I was snarky, irritable, angry OH so angry!! all. the. time.

It comes and goes. Right now I am too effing tired to be cranky. Takes too much effort. I feel like I've got 400 lb. boulders on each limb. I HATE this crushing fatigue.

Probably has something to do with the fact that this "period" I've been having has lasted over three weeks. THREE WEEEKS. What's that about?! Dr. says it's "normal" but gahhh.... very frustrating.

You are not alone!! :)

Anonymous said...

Are you secretly my mother disguised as someone else's mother? When my mother, god love her, was going through menopause, I threatened to leave the country or put a hit out on her. She is the most upbeat, lovely, caring, gentle and kind soul, but when she hit menopause she turned into the devil incarnate and I was waiting for pea soup to shoot out of her nose. I remember telling her one day to get her butt to the doctor or I was having her committed.

Now thanks to her little blue pill she is my "normal" dear old mom again!

Many hugs!

Anonymous said...

aw you're daughter is sweet!

I hate this time of year too- I hate all Hallmark holidays- too much freaking pressure. I'm taking J to the store today so she can 'buy me' a present, then since we can't go to Miami because I have a tennis game, I decided this weekend will go on as normal as possible. And I will spoil my kid because she's the best thing about being a mom to me. So I will make it about her, 'cause really without her, I wouldn't be a mom- right? So once again, it's about the kid :)

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Oh Sweetie...I would love to help you..but to be honest I can't remember where I put my car keys, let alone what it was like to be your age! I vaguely remember the hidious hot flashes..and hating everyone, even the dog. Once I even went out and stomped on the grass because it GREW!! All I can say is (if I can remember how it went) "and this too shall pass away!"

How I detest that old saying. I used to think it was a buncha bulls--t but hey, it's true! :)

~love and!~

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Jane is right...seriouly...there IS help. Not back 22 years ago when I needed it..but now they can help you.
I love you and want you to feel good...oh..and I don't think you could chase any of us away even if you tried!! :)

smile steady said...

You are too funny! The relationship you have with your daughters reminds me of my relationship with my mom. In fact, I think I need to give her a call...

namaste said...

hi there! i've just read over some of your old posts. i LOVE your blog and i really like the way you think.

i'm a mom of two young women, 17 & 20. they drive me nuts and make me proud all at once!

as for this post. sounds like regular life ups and downs for your average super-woman.


my family blog: with my whole heart

Blasé said...

Watch 'Napoleon Dynamite'...I'm sure that will brighten your day ;)

tera said...

Oh my gosh. It sounds like you are PMS-ing and menopause-ing all at the same time, with a dash of full moon thrown in for good measure.

I am clueless how to resolve it. If you find something that works let me know!

I like the idea of a girls retreat. With booze.

reyjr said...

random stranger: with my mom, i just let her talk to me about how bad her day (or month!) has been, then give her a big 'ol hug after and tell her that "Everything's fine. Because we love her."

when you talk about it, you release it, you let it go. hope that helps a bit.

Happy Mom's Day to you. :D

Michel said...

I'm not sure what to tell you, but I am ALWAYS pro-drugs. And then follow it up with a spa day with at least a 90 minute massage.

Demand it for mother's day. I'm sure you pretended to be nice to the D's at least a few times!!! haha

Hope you feel better! Buck up little camper....ALso, have you tried ambien? I friggin love that stuff. I have a much BETTER sleep, i.e. I don't do work in my dreams.

Jason, as himself said...

This sounds serious. Let's see...ah, I've got it!!!

You're HUMAN.

Sorry. That wasn't very supportive or helpful, was it? What a MAN comment. It does happen sometimes.

Beth said...

Oh no! You poor thing. Does it feel like your inner child is playing with matches? It definitely sounds like the big M word. Which sounds like it is time to go see the doctor for some hormone help (my mother refers to them as anti-bitch pills).

I'm thinking about you. I'll even make brownies, if you want.

Breathe said...

I've had to buy cheese 'cuz I have the same whine.

My sister (older, as I point out as often as possible) says it's menopause. I yawn and say I still have my friggin' period so don't get all ol' lady on me.

Shoot. maybe we just need a cabana boy.

darsden said...

All the above with a BIG SHOUT OUT for THYROID!! B12 Too you just need blood done and you will be surpized. Seriously and yes you also need {hugs} but go to the doctor! B12 will help start taking it and go to the doctor..did I say that already. I was you too ... hasimoto thyroid me ..!

Anonymous said...

Let your inner bitch out - it helps. I go through periods of everything is ok and then everything makes me cry. This is going to sound stupid but find a dumb book that makes you laugh and you will feel a little better. Then think of someone who is 20 lbs heavier than you and gloat for a moment. You're just going through what the rest of us are. It's okay - it sucks big time - but take it one moment at a time and I find it helps to drink wine - sometimes in copious amounts. Be glad you're not getting shot full of cement like I'm about to experience - what if they goof and I truly do end up sh*tting bricks? I send you Hugs and more Hugs Give the world hell, sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm back with an even better piece of advice. Come to my house and go next door and smack the crap outta the swimming pool witch. That will take care of some of the frustration you're feeling and give you a helluva workout all at the same time. Plus I can honestly tell the police, "I didn't know she had that piece of pipe in her hand officer." Then we can sit on my quiet deck and sip Bellinis or Margaritas, or wine, or anything else alcoholic to our hearts' content. More hugs!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well crap, you've got me. I don't supposed you'd consider lots of illegal drugs?

smiles4u said...

I am right there with you and it sucks big time. I say we have a retreat with lots and lots of beverages and laughter!

Tony Letts said...

Sorry - those symptoms don't amount to anything that alcohol plus a little of what you fancy won't put right!

Auntie, aka Dog Girl said...

Yep, as Jan puts it, you're in the midst of a "midlife smackdown".
Dark chocolate is in order here.
And give your Hubbs a beer. Sounds like HE deserves one.

Wunderwoman said...

I know exactly how you feel, if you find something that will work let me know!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Movie-I watched it come up at 7:47 last night. Beautiful. I'm still on "the pill" so that is my hormone therapy right now. I'll have to check it out with my doc. I would love to run all the way up there. :-)

Jan-The beach. For me it's always the beach.

MLS-You have no idea how much that means to me.

Linda-Good call. I'm usually iron deficient. A fact I discover every time I attempt to give blood and get rejected. I'll have to check that out.

Peggy-Thanks for stopping by. I do hope you'll come back again when I'm not in complaint mode. Of course, I'm really too YOUNG to be in menopause *cough* but me thinks I'm headin in that direction.

Jane-Yes, Mother. Maybe that's it. I need my mother here to tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT!

OG-Yes, you've got the right idea. Wine not whine! I love it.

Lisa-No rain here. We are in a serious drought. Please send some our way.

Pseudo-I really do need to check into supplements but I'm too lazy to really research it myself and it's hard to know who to believe. So many different opinions out there. I really just want someone to tell me exactly what to do and have it be the right thing. That and I want to win the lottery (that I don't play) and world peace.

Mama-I hear ya. Boy do I hear ya.

Beki-Didn't I tell you? I AM your mother. *wink*

MrsK-Great idea. When I turn it around, I won't miss my mom so much.

Mona-That's it! I'm packing up and moving to CA with you. Where I can get hugs and nurturing everyday while being surrounded by beauty. Your husband won't know what hit him

Smile Steady-Thanks for stopping by. Now go call your mother.

Namaste-Sounds like we have a lot in common. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll come back when I'm not whining.

Blase-ACK! Double ACK!

tera-Sounds like we're all in agreement here. Girls retreat with alcohol. We need to get on this project.

reyjr-You are so sweet. Give your mom an extra hug from SMB!

Michel-Drugs and the spa. I love you.

Jason-Haha. You knew exactly what I was thinking.

Beth-Start making those brownies. Double chocolate, please. And then deliver them in person so we can start your tropical retreat.

Breathe-I love cheese! And cabana boys.

darsden-Say wha.....?

C&B-OK, change in plans, first I'm coming to stay with you and we'll get into some real trouble. Then we'll both go on the lamb and hide out at Mona's who will take great care of us.

NGIP-Do you have any?

Smiles-I really think we should do this.

Tony-UGH! Spoken like a true man!

Auntie-Oh you are so right. He definitely deserves one.

WW-from the above comments, it seems that drugs, supplements, alcohol and fellowship are in order. With a little trouble-making thrown in for good measure.

Thanks, everyone. You have no idea how much better I feel after reading your comments. I love you all.

Debbie said...

Hey Smart Mouth...I am just catching up from being sick. Everything you describe is hormonal. If you go back far enough in my posts, I actually wrote something about this and my husband was a little miffed that I told "the world" all this stuff! The latest "crazy hormone relief" pills out there are called Bio-Identicals. Women swear by them. You're in are still able to recognize your former self! I am not on them yet. I chose to start taking vitamins and trying that for now. I am taking 1000 units of D and vitamin B-12 too and it really helps. Hey...have hubby get snipped and get off the pill and try the vitamins for a can't hurt and if it does...hormone therapy is where it's at. How the hell did these old pioneer women get throught it? No wonder so many of them died young or showed up missing?...just kidding...I made that up.:) You are NOT alone my friend. Christiane Northrop writes a great book on it called The Secret Pleasures of Menopause. She is from my home town here in Maine and started a clinic called Women To Women. Check her out. Ok...sorry for the rant! I hope things get me..I was a nut case and still can be some days!

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Wow, I could have written that word for word. I'm right there with you. trying a few different things OTC instead of jumping into the HRT. I need to go to the doctor for a checkup, as my mom keeps telling me. I'll meet you at the beach if you wanna run away :) (but it can only be for a few days).

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

I have those days too SMB!!! Some nights I feel as though I should be barking at the moon or something, lol.
Hey, sorry I'm so behind on my commenting (my business has really taken off and I've been slammed!!) and I thank you for all the love you leave me at my blog girl. You're precious :)
Yeppers.............I blame my crappola on menopause and Bloody Mary (s) :)

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Beth Niquette said...

I agree with the full-moon theory! For a long time I laughed at the idea that people respond to the full moon.

That changed when I worked nights at a nursing home. On the week of the full moon, those dear people went wacko! We live near the center of our little town, and on the week of the full moon it is amazing at how much activity there is! EEEeeeeekkkk!

Here's my theory--we are made up of mostly water. The moon affects the tides--bulging them from one side of the world to the other?

Well, why wouldn't the moon affect us in the same way? That's my theory. ((hugs)) I agree--dont' be so hard on yourself. Turn on some music--sometimes that is what helps me.

Take care, and have a marvelous Mother's Day.

smiles4u said...

You most definetly are not alone! I am right there with you and I hope that you find some relief and answers. I'm working on it but there are days I swear I'm not going to make Hang in there my friend...we will all get through this...I think!