Friday, May 29, 2009


Yellow Scroll

When I started this blog almost a year ago, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going with it. And now I have to say that 10 months later, still…….no idea.

I recently gave it some thought though and have decided that what I want for this site is to be a friendly place for you to visit. You know, like the friend that you just pop in to see and end up staying all afternoon while enjoying a cup of coffee, a glass of wine or a pitcher of margaritas. I know, of course, that you don’t have all afternoon to spend here with me but still I hope that you will come by often and at any time, sit a spell, enjoy a beverage and share a piece of your life with me. Lord knows that I’m a blabbermouth and I’m going to share some of mine with you. And on that note……

  • You’re welcome to my house any time. If the mess bothers you, don’t come back. It might be worse the next time. And while I’ve disposed of my neurotic need to keep a perfect house, I will never change my mind on this: Coasters. Use one. I’ve got a gun. Just sayin.
  • This morning, Wii Wii told me that I was 50 years old. Mind you, this was pre-coffee and egg and cheese sammie on cardboard at 6ish am. Don’t be judgin, people! Later, I demanded a recount after nourishment and proper time allowed for waking. I’m now thirty. Thank you very much.
  • I can dance like Ellen. But only when no one is watching.
  • I am currently suffering from alternating hot flashes and cold chills. Is it menopause? Swine Flu? or is it Memorex?
  • It’s been raining everyday for a week. The good news: The grass is growing. The bad news: The grass is growing.
  • Today D2 and I came into the hallway at different ends completely dressed from the waist up but only in panties from the waist down. We took one look at each other and cracked up. You gotta love a house full of girls.
  • Note to network execs: I don’t want to view commercials for tampons or enhanced KY jelly while I enjoy my morning coffee………..or ever. Women know where we can find these products. Advertising is not necessary. Am I right, girls?

That’s it for me. I’m off to get my hairs cut and colored. Grey roots is not an attractive look for me. *sigh*

TGIF! Have a great weekend!




Jan said...

I love your house. I visit every chance I get. I have no problem with the mess - I, fortunately, have never had an obsessive desire for a perfectly clean and neat house (much to Beloved's chagrin), so mine is likely messier.

I have brought my own coaster. It once was an AOL CD; I knew I'd find a good use for it. No need to make a pot of coffee, just reheat the stuff from this morning. I brought Bailey's.

Expat From Hell said...

Happy to visit here, my dear. You know that I'll be back again. Your friendly margaritas are the best...


darsden said...

LOL don't play wii wii unless you have had coffee coffee LOL (aren't you around to give us lip service-yea that's what I though)
have a great weekend!

Tessa said...

You've succeeded beyond your wildest dreams in making this a fun, relaxing place to visit - except when you start talking guns. Then I get nervous. Do beer mats count as coasters? Then I'm in. Muah.

Reader Wil said...

I love visiting you and read your funny adventures. After a year have made a lot of friends! Keep going on. We like to hear what happens to your family and the Nazi Biker. Have fun this weekend.

Reader Wil said...

Sorry! the Biker Nazi!!

Michel said...

hahah! that post was fab! I am also a coaster nazi. Who the hell doesn't know you're supposed to use a coaster!?!?!

I'll tell you who - wait. No i won't. I'm trying to keep your blog a friendly place like you asked.

I love it here.

Sharing the INSANITY said...

So...Smart Mouth if ya don't mind me asking...How old are you? I feel like I have the beginnings of menapause, night sweats, day sweats, "irritation on edge" etc... OR now I said OR it could be just ME!! (The Insane 40 yr. old)


Auntie, aka Dog Girl said...

Hot flashing is sometimes tolerable. It's the freakin' mood swings I hate.
Now that I'm 50, those nasty mood swings are all behind me.
My BF is happy the mood swings are gone, too.
BTW, I love your blog.
Nice big font for easy reading.

Wunderwoman said...

I love visiting your house, and if the house is messy who cares? LOL I would love to share a pitcher of margarita's with you.

namaste said...

so can i put my foot on the coffee table. kidding!

i like hanging out at your place. you're a regular gal like me. i am so with you on those commercials! no need AT ALL to advertise.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gaston Studio said...

I'm so glad because that's the way I've seen your blog from the first time or two I visited!

I'll definitely bring my own coaster and I don't mind a little mess, but you have to supply the smart mouthed wisdom, as usual.

And I totally agree with you, don't need TV ads on shit that I've known about since I was 10!

lisa said...

I feel all warm and cozy inside.
Thanks for the warm welcome, as usual.

only a movie said...

Your house is just as cozy and comfortable as I'd expect.

Sorry about the wonky thermostat. Right there with you...

And sorry about the wii... 50? Ack.

Have a lovely weekend, SMB.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

I think this will go down as one of my favorite posts IF I could choose one.
I love the "reason" for your blog" because ..I don't have one. I did..but I lost it.
After raising seven children, 13 to 15 months apart..nope..mess is not a HUGE thing to me..I would have gone nuts if it were!
Coasters...funny thing. I NEVER catch the person. I always find the ring after they are LONG gone.
I have learned to HAND them one along with the drink..and even then it doesn't always work! A...gun? That works? I've got one under my mattress so I'll just bring it out and lay it on the coffee table? Thanks for the tip! :)
Hot flashes...I don't even want to remember!
Daughters..the best thing that ever happened to me! I would do it all again..(almost!)
TV ads..the one with the pee hitting the stick to see if you are pregnant...OMG! What's next?!

Margarita's? Do you have strawberry? Just kidding..
(oh wow...that does sound good!)

Covering the are walking the same path I did..I say look as young as you can for as long as you can! It's such a lift to come home and you look like "you" again. Now I have this old gray haired lady following me around that I don't recognize.

Without you in our lives, SMB, blogging would lose it's honestly would!

Your blog is a raging success and it is a constant sourse of fun, and life at it's best!
~Smiles and love!~

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I'm with you 100% on the no girly products ads on TV.. DUH... like we don't already know? Why don't they just save their money on the TV advertising money they spend and give us a price break at the store.. SHEESH


The Blue Ridge Gal

Pastor Sharon said...

I have really enjoyed this visit! I have been sipping Iced Tea (sweet of course) and enjoying my garden. So, when I came in and decided to visit you, it was nice!
Regarding the coaster issue, I have been wondering if there is some kind of device waiting to be invented that could sound an alarm when someone sits a drink down on any surface. You know maybe the temperature change could set it off. . . maybe it would scare the dickens out of them and they would NEVER forget the coaster rule again!
Thanks for the visit! Have a lovely day!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Jan-I used to be a complete nut about housekeeping but no more. At first I think everyone was happy but now I think they wish I had a little more of Hazel the maid left in me. aol cd! I love it. We must have several of those lying around too.
Bailey's, mmm, mmm good.

EFH-After that nice cold beer the other, day I have a special seat of honor for you at my patio table. Come on over for margaritas, anytime.

darsden-Rule #1 Coasters. #2 coffee and breakfast first, wii second.

Tessa-You're always sending me to google. First it was zimmer frame, then the Brazilian and now a beer mat. Is that like a yoga mat? Whatever, come on over. I'll supply the coasters, just make sure you use it and no one gets hurt.

Wil-I thank you and The Biker Nazi thanks you. When are we taking that vacation? How do you feel about motorcycles?

Michel-Coaster Nazi! Haha! I love it!

Sharing-Well, Wii Wii says I'm thirty. Oh, you mean my real age? Forty *cough* eight.

Auntie-Don't get me started on mood swings.

WW-I would love that too.

Namaste-Feet on the table are totally cool. My feet and MHS's are both on the coffee table as I write this. Just use a coaster and we're cool.

Jane-*smile* I love it that you think that. I love sitting on your front porch too.

Lisa-Hoosiers are always welcome. *MUAH*

Movie-So should I get the guest room ready?

Mona(QUEEN of deletes) LOL
I love you. We have got to meet in person one day. Your place or mine?

Di-Brilliant idea! Let's start a petition!

PS-Sweet tea, my favorite. I'm enjoying a glass right this very moment. I think you should patent that alarm idea. You've got something there.

Blasé said...

It's likely "menopause"...because it sounds just like my wife, and she suffers from those 'hot flashes' quite often.

Any time I post a video that encourages one to 'get their groove on''ll know that I had you in mind.

Midlife Mama said...

Well you definitely succeeded in making your blog what you dreamed it would be. A fun place to plunk down, drink coffee and to have a nice visit. :) Keep it going!

Midlife Mama said...

P.S. Just a thought....guns and menopause symptoms? Not such a good thing. LOL

marathoner81 said...

wine or a pitcher of margaritas??? When can I come over? And do you have a spare room because I think I'd like to stay overnight.

Oz Girl said...

I will ALWAYS bring my own coaster, and never one to be a thankless guest, I will also bring a bottle of wine, er, 2 bottles of wine, that we can share and we can talk about the chupacabras and all the other weirdos out there...

I agree with Mona, your blog is a raging success, and such a great place to come for a laugh, although definitely not at YOUR expense. We are always laughing with you, you know that, right?! ;-)

I'll be glad when the hot flashes are gone... and why is it, that when we finally let something get to us enough that we cry, we then blame it on the hormones? Can't it just be that we've finally reached a breaking point, that we've kept everything all buttoned up inside so long that we can't take one more lil thang? I found myself blaming "hormones" this morning while having a discussion with hubster, when in reality, it probably has absolutely nothing to do with hormones.

Ah well, my comment is turning out to be longer than your blog post, so I will stop. Zip it. Done.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

You have succeeded, indeed! I'll come by for margs anytime. If your house is a mess, I'll feel right at home. Thanks for the journey we take with you.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Didn't that Wii just tell you that you were 39 the other day?? Not fair. I think you should ask it again.

And I love your house. I still remember the Christmas treats. Yum.

And Daughter over here? Walks in when I'm nekked. All. The. Time.

Pastor Sharon said...

Stop by my place and pick up a gift I left there for you. Have a great day!

Tricia said...

I'm also a coaster Nazi and because I like it here so much, I'm going to start carrying one in my purse so I can stop by whenever I want.

Debbie said...

Oh I love stopping by your place my friend. There is just something about the way you write that always draws me in. You are so down to earth and just plain hilarious. I was born into a sarcastic, barb throwing family and I guess I am attracted to long as it is done with taste, and that's you! I don't get the wii wii thing yet....I guess you have to have one? Yah...the sweats and chills are menopause for sure...I got em and sometimes they happen when I am in the middle of a meeting! "Hot in here?...anyone??" Noone else is hot but me! Totally embarrassing. I am fanning myself and they are all good! Glad I found you SMB.

California Girl said...

Great stuff! Laughed at all of your random thoughts.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Blas(insert fancy "e")or Blahzay-SB and I need to get together. If that Charlene serenade was done with me in mind yesterday, you were spot on. I love bluegrass. and everything else except crap.

Mama-Wha? guns and hormones? I think it's a marvelous combo.

Marathoner-I do have a guest room and you're welcome to it. It can get kinda crowded around here sometimes but we like togetherness so we just scrunch and make room when necessary.

OG-Sounds like we need some girl time. You don't have to bring your own coaster, I have plenty but if you want to bring some of those yummy goodies you're always baking, I won't complain. *wink*

MLJH-Why don't you come on by today. It's starting to rain and that's always a great time to chat, chill and rest.

Pseudo-Oh yeah, there is no such thing as privacy in this house. I made the wii redo my body test and it rewarded me with a 30. I haven't done one today. Maybe 29? One can always hope.

PS-Thank you so much.

Tricia-You can stop by any time with or without. Believe me, I have plenty.

Debbie-You sound just like me. MHS use to be the hot one but I've got him beat by far these days.


Reader Wil said...

Me again. That vacation is always wonderful, any time. How I feel about motorcycles? I have never been on one, but I am sure I'll like it! Thanks for the visits! I don't think I am going to have any of those stockings, because they are art objects, besides I only need them on flights and the ones I have now are good enough, even if they are ugly.LOL.

LiLu said...

I love your home, and I promise to ALWAYS use a coaster.

"I can dance like Ellen. But only when no one is watching."

I can ONLY dance like Ellen. And it takes about 1.5 drinks to get me to do it in front of the whole world. ;-)

warriorwoman said...

ok i wanna go to that friends house where i can drink margaritas all afternoon.......yeah, i need a drink.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I like your house, too! Wish I could visit more often but my damn job is messing with my personal life!

JOE TODD said...

You always make me smile. Thanks for the gift

Debbie said...

Smart Mouth...I forgot to tell you...I have an old poster I've had for may have seen it. It's a black cat with eyes bulging and hair raised and the caption above says "I HAVE PMS AND A HANDGUN....ANY QUESTIONS?" I love explains a lot.

Tony Letts said...

Trouble is, your house is so popular its hard to squeeze in! I'll pop round when there's just a few of us - not a great one for parties - prefer small group chat with coffee and coasters. :)

midlife slices said...

I love your house too and peek in the windows all the time. It's so fun and full of love and a place I really want to visit. I'll even hold my drink in my lap or just down the entire drink at once so a coaster isn't necessary. If you get sick of me being here, just tell me. It won't hurt my feelings. I promise I'll be out in a timely manner. Say....oh, maybe on the 12th. MUAH!

Beth said...

I love that you say you are getting your hairs cut. My step-dad always says this and it is endearing.

I love how positive and full of life you are! And I wouldn't play that Wii before coffee for my life. Besides, you have a gun, right?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Wil-You won't need fancy stockings anyway because your Harley boots will cover them. *wink*

LiLu-Come on down. We will have at least 1.5 drinks waiting at all times.

WW-One pitcher of margaritas coming right up.

Janie-You have been MIA for awhile. Don't you hate it when work gets in the way.

Joe-Right back at cha!


Tony-I always have the most fun when just the last few are left. The guests that won't go home are my favorites.

MLS-I would never get sick of you, silly! And you know you are welcome anytime.

Beth-Well, I have to get them all cut and colored or what would the point be? I knocked out MHS twice tonite in boxing and thought of you. LOL And I won't be making that pre-coffee wii mistake again.

Fragrant Liar said...

Hi,SMB! I love coming to your place too. If I was closer, I'd do it for reals. I will even bring my own coasters.

Got my hair done yesterday too. Hope yours turned out better than mine. I am still trying to recover from what that woman did to me. :(

Funny Girl said...

Just found your blog...Funny! When I started my blog, I too had no idea what I was doing and still don't. I will visit often.

nothingfancy1 said...

Great post! I'm here at the office as I visit you today and sadly don't have a coaster. I'll rectify that asap! I don't bother with coasters at my home...that's what magazines are for, right? Plus NO ONE ever comes to visit no need to worry.

Anyway...Love coming by to visit you. And love these random posts as they are a little window into you! Hope your hair turned out splendid!

Lesley-Anne Evans said...

Just found you… like what I see so far… smart mouth works for me!

Keep it comin'


croneandbearit said...

Darlin' I agree with you so much it frightens me sometimes - you say what I am thinking - so obviously I must think faster to get it on my blog first. OMG what is wrong with me?? LOL Commercials - the one that annoys me the most is Viva Viagra - now Elvis is just a tad before my time but Viva Las Vegas was a good song and Viagra ruined it totally. What a crock. Then the other one with the couple each reclining in a separate bathtub at the end of the commercial looking out at the scenery - am I missing something? I'm also a coaster freak, even on an old table or surface you will use a coaster! Hugs from your maybe alter ego...

JeanMac said...

I will drop by and I sure will use a coaster!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Liar-Sorry about your hairs. I'm the happiest I've been with mine in a long time.

Funny Girl-Thanks for stopping by. I do hope you'll come again soon.

Fancy-That little window to my soul shows ya'll just how crazy the broad really is.

Leslie-Anne-So glad you did. Smart mouthed remarks are my specialty. Thanks for stopping by and do come again.

C&B-Soul sisters, that's what we are!

JeanMac-I can't wait!

ric said...