Sunday, October 12, 2008



I may not have mentioned this before. I'm a foodie. defines the word as a noun: slang-a person having an enthusiastic interest in the preparation and consumption of fine foods. Yep, that's me. I am a Food Network addict. I'm on a first name basis with Paula, Giada, Rachael, Tyler and Bobby. (In my own mind) But even before my discovery of the Food Network, I was a foodie. Even before I knew there was a term to describe me, I was a foodie.

I love to dine out. I will find something I think is interesting and new to me on the menu and order it. I love to try new tastes and textures. If I like a dish, I will pick it apart, dissect the flavors with my tongue and go home and try to recreate it or at least my version of it. My friends and family tell me that I'm pretty good at it too. I thought about posting recipes on this blog but the problem is that most of the time, I wing it. I could tell you ingredients. I can't tell you measures. It's a feely thing. You know, whatever I feel like. And usually no two attempts are the same. I like it that way. It keeps it interesting. Though it can be a little frustrating when I really like something and want to recreate it again exactly as it was first prepared but alas, I can't remember how much of anything I included. *sigh* I could blame this on my midlife lack of concentration but the truth is I've always been what my mother described as "a little scatter-brained". I like to think of it as charmingly distracted. I always have a lot on my mind, you know.

Thinking, thinking, I am always thinking about everything. Like right now, as I write this, Mayzie, my good ole' dog, is licking the arm of my living room chair. So excuse me while I go beat her with a spoon, reprimand her in an appropriate fashion.

She got down when she saw me coming but here she is behaving herself on the floor. You can't really get mad at a face like that.

OK, now see what I mean, I got a lot goin' on. Now where was I?......

It's not just restaurant offerings that I like to recreate. I also like to come up with my own delicacies which I affectionately refer to as "Smart Mouth Surprise". These are words that can send spasms of anxiety enthusiastic anticipation into the hearts of my family. Hey, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think they've relaxed a bit since I received my PhD in culinary arts from the virtual school of the Food Network. Who says television can't be educational? I think my niece, Smart Mouth in Training, said it best: "I'm so glad we came to your house for dinner today, Aunt Smart Mouth, because I've really been craving something weird to eat." To which I replied: "I'm so impressed with your culinary sense of adventure." At this, her brother, GameBoy, lifted his head from his handheld game device of the day and stared at us both with a look of complete confusion. (Proof that he does listen while playing) And Smart Mouth in Training explained: "She likes that I try stuff."

So now I've gotten completely away from the problem at hand. My problem in a nutshell is my avid interest in creating yummy dishes for my family has created an ever-increasing waistline that is NOT desired. As mentioned in my earliest posts, even my doctor, thinks my expanding waistline is was a problem. So I put the wheels in motion. I super-charged my exercise routine. I started decreasing my portions and cut back on excess starches, sugar and fat in my diet. It's been about ten weeks since I've put this plan into action. I've lost 14 lbs, went on vacation, gained a few, came home, lost a few and now I'm kinda stuck. I'm at that unavoidable plateau that all "losers" reach at some point on their weight-loss journey. And my journey is far from complete, folks.

I'm bored. I was able to tough it out over the last ten weeks but lately I'm cheating more. I need new inspiration. I've lost my mojo. The foodie in me wants to create something fabulous. It's hard to produce a "fabulous" dish when you can't use cream, butter, bread, potatoes or pasta. Isn't it? I've found oodles of help at one of my favorite sites, Kalyn's Kitchen, but I'm looking for new inspiration. If I have to slap one more slab of grilled protein on top of a bed of salad, I think I'll scream. Not that I don't like that type of dish. Dang it, I just want my carbs back!

Help me, friends. I'm reaching out into the blogosphere. Take me under your wing. Teach me your secrets. There has got to be a way to have the figure of a goddess and still eat like a king. OK, that's probably not true. It's either one or the other, I know, I know. But while I'm trying to figure out whether I want to be a goddess or a king, please send me your secrets, advice or just let me know that I'm not alone and you feel my pain.

I'm gonna go eat a carrot.


Jan said...

You have just put your finger on the #1 reason I simply cannot stick to a diet. Diet foods are BORING. I don't care if it's South Beach, Protein Power (my low carb diet of choice) or Weight Watchers.

I'm convinced that all those people who lost weight successfully on whatever diet, trilling out the standard "I NEVER missed such-and-such" were pathetic McDonald's devotees who were completely void of any sense of adventure, to say nothing of taste buds.

Well, it makes me feel better to think so, anyway.

Midlife Slices said...

You're begging up the wrong tree here, SMB. I'm hopeless and even when I do WW I end up eating said slabs of protein on beds of lettuce until I want to scream.

I think you can still eat anything you want as long as you limit your portions and I mean really limit them. If you want to create something fabulous, then do it and feed the bulk of it to MHS and eat a normal portion yourself then go work it off. If you deprive yourself, you'll end up taking your gun out and shooting someone or worse yet, falling off the wagon and eating everything in sight.

Go ahead. I give you permission to create and cook to your hearts content. Just feeze whatever you think will be left over after you give MHS a healthy man who never has to worry about their stinkin weight portion and a smaller portion for yourself.

Just think. Then you'll have things in the freezer you can pop in the oven on those nights you talk too long on the phone with a new friend and then talk too long at the gym and don't get home until late. :)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Loved, loved, loved this post. We'd have a lot of fun getting together throwing down some food. I cook a lot like you, love the food network,and hardly use a reicpe. Have a hard time making something the same way twice.

I agree with MLS. It's a lot in the portions. I try to walk (exercise for me) a lot to make up for the butter and cream I eat.

To stay healthy,I try to eat morw whole foods. I bought "A Hip Chick's Guide to Macrobiodics" Not Giada, but some decent stuff.

thistle said...

i got nuthin'...

the only way i lose weight is excessive exercise and eating like i've had bariatric surgery...

oh...and PerfectSister swears the WW Annual Collection has some great recipes, and Prevention magazine has published some great heart smart cookbooks...if you can find them...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I don't have a lot of advice either. So why am I bothering to post then? So I can commiserate, I guess.

When I do lose and keep off the hips-and-gut flab, it's because I'm sticking with my Atkins stuff. I've just gotten out of the habit, and being a bit on the blue side of late, comfort foods, including comforting crap, have bogarted the spotlight. Atkins does have some pretty exciting alternative recipes though.

Bellying up to the bar once again,

goodfather said...

Loved this post! And I have some advice (heh, I'm in trouble already). I'm a GUY, though, so please discount anything I say 50%. I lost 120 pounds and kept it off over the last year. Here's what I did:

1. I kept eating what I liked for dinner. No breakfast, no lunch. Sure, I was big, green, and ugly by dinnertime, but I also think you can eat a little during the day without overdoing it. The big meal is dinnertime - that's what you want, right? Save it for dinner.

2. I didn't overeat at dinnertime, or snack afterward. That's the hard part, it really is. You have to accept that you're going to be a little hungry all the time, and just keep your goal in mind. I engaged my iron will, and insisted that I would lose weight.

Hope that helps. It's not particularly fun, but if you get to keep eating (and cooking for your family), it's not pure Hell.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Jan-I agree but there's just gotta be a way.

MLS-Great advice. LMAO at falling off wagon and eating everything in sight is worse than shooting someone!
Good idea about the freezer meals too. I could really use some of those.

PHST-You, me and Bobby. Throw down. You name the place and time. LOL Thanks for the macrobiotics idea.

Thistle-Thanks for the ideas. As far as excessive exercise, I'm only willing to give 90 minutes but today I discovered Hip Hop Booty class which was so fun that at least that part will be more enjoyable.

Nana-You are always welcome here to commiserate or otherwise. I've tried Atkins, it's a little too much meat for me. But I did lose. alcohol on Atkins. Yikes!

Goodfather-So if I'm discounting 50%, did you really lose 120 or 60? Either way, you ARE my hero. Shhh, don't tell, Jan. She was my hero last week. But since you're the same person....
Anyway sounds like great advice but I think I would have to eat something at lunch time or people might get hurt. Have you blogged about this? I'm gonna have to spend some time in your archives.

Nothing Fancy said...

Sorry, I'm no help. I'm a terrible cook, largely because I HATE to cook and therefore NEVER try anything new. Plus if it takes more than 15 minutes to prepare - count me out. I do ALOT with chicken breasts. They're healthy and easy. My poor family has chicken breasts in some way shape of form at least 3 times a week. Ground Turkey on the other days. I know, I know...I'm sad.

Anonymous said...

Try the ZONE DIET!!! everybody is doing it!


you rock!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Fancy-Quick and easy is good too. Ahhh chicken breast, the dieter's dream.

D1-If you want me to do the Zone Diet, you have to move home to do the math. LOL Thanks. Love you!