ONE HOT CHICK

OK, gentlemen, just for today….I'm speaking to the girls only, my lady friends. This is a topic of which you have no interest unless of course you have a woman in your life that is at midlife and at times might tend to be a bit irritable and bites your head off you want to soothe the savage beast her soul. In that case, listen up. You might learn something here. Or not…..sigh. But, Daddy, you should still go away, for a day. And Uncle M (who I'm told reads this blog), you too, and any other male friends or brothers of my father because that would just be weird and uh…well…awkward. Come back tomorrow and I'll be back with the regular nonsense you've come to know and love.

Let's just give them a minute to leave…………..OK, ready?

I am one HOT chick. And I do mean HOT! In fact, there are times (like last night) that I fear I may spontaneously combust. Yes, ladies, I am speaking of hot flashes. They are a new surprise in my midlife. Of course I would have had to be living under a rock to have never heard of them. The problem is that I just didn't understand how intense and uncomfortable they would be. I would hear a friend, a relative or even someone on TV mention their hot flash, smile and THINK I knew what they were talking about. Clearly, I didn't have a clue. I am HOT! It wakes me in the middle of the night. It brings me to a complete halt in the middle of my day. And dang if I don't think that wine can trigger one these little episodes of "I'm melting, I'm melllllllting." Now that's just not fair. So I've switched to beer. *wink* Another trigger seems to be a shower. What the heck is that about? You're all nice and clean and before you can even dry off, you're already sweating bullets. ARGHHHH! And it's not just that it's uncomfortable; it's that I can't trust my internal thermometer. It's embarrassing to say, "It's hot in here." and look around and see that everyone is wearing a jacket or sweater because I've lowered the air conditioning to a temperature that threatens to snow.

I expected to see the lines on my face and they've come gradually. I expected to struggle with middle age spread and have begun a plan (better late than never) to counter that problem. I have some joint pain (like my 92 year old knees) and I've started supplements that seem to be helping. I am definitely might be a bit cranky sometimes and don't tolerate people and situations the way I used to. I don't really need reading glasses yet unless I put my contacts in so I can see across the room.

OK, now I think I've mentioned all my symptoms unless I've forgotten something. Oh yeah, I forget things. My lack of concentration is mind-blowing. My staff will come to me with a long-winded problem and when they finish speaking, I will at times stare blankly back at them and say, "I'm sorry; I wasn't listening, could you repeat that?" I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that something said will trigger something else on my to-do list or a lyric to a song or the Preamble to the Constitution and I'm suddenly off in my own little world.

Friends, those of you who've "been there, done that" please tell me, what else is in store for me? Are there more surprises on this journey thru midlife? Don't let me be blind-sided like I was with the hot flashes. We've got to stick together. What's next? Or do I really want to know?