Monday, October 6, 2008

ONE HOT CHICK

OK, gentlemen, just for today….I'm speaking to the girls only, my lady friends. This is a topic of which you have no interest unless of course you have a woman in your life that is at midlife and at times might tend to be a bit irritable and bites your head off you want to soothe the savage beast her soul. In that case, listen up. You might learn something here. Or not…..sigh. But, Daddy, you should still go away, for a day. And Uncle M (who I'm told reads this blog), you too, and any other male friends or brothers of my father because that would just be weird and uh…well…awkward. Come back tomorrow and I'll be back with the regular nonsense you've come to know and love.

Let's just give them a minute to leave…………..OK, ready?

I am one HOT chick. And I do mean HOT! In fact, there are times (like last night) that I fear I may spontaneously combust. Yes, ladies, I am speaking of hot flashes. They are a new surprise in my midlife. Of course I would have had to be living under a rock to have never heard of them. The problem is that I just didn't understand how intense and uncomfortable they would be. I would hear a friend, a relative or even someone on TV mention their hot flash, smile and THINK I knew what they were talking about. Clearly, I didn't have a clue. I am HOT! It wakes me in the middle of the night. It brings me to a complete halt in the middle of my day. And dang if I don't think that wine can trigger one these little episodes of "I'm melting, I'm melllllllting." Now that's just not fair. So I've switched to beer. *wink* Another trigger seems to be a shower. What the heck is that about? You're all nice and clean and before you can even dry off, you're already sweating bullets. ARGHHHH! And it's not just that it's uncomfortable; it's that I can't trust my internal thermometer. It's embarrassing to say, "It's hot in here." and look around and see that everyone is wearing a jacket or sweater because I've lowered the air conditioning to a temperature that threatens to snow.

I expected to see the lines on my face and they've come gradually. I expected to struggle with middle age spread and have begun a plan (better late than never) to counter that problem. I have some joint pain (like my 92 year old knees) and I've started supplements that seem to be helping. I am definitely might be a bit cranky sometimes and don't tolerate people and situations the way I used to. I don't really need reading glasses yet unless I put my contacts in so I can see across the room.

OK, now I think I've mentioned all my symptoms unless I've forgotten something. Oh yeah, I forget things. My lack of concentration is mind-blowing. My staff will come to me with a long-winded problem and when they finish speaking, I will at times stare blankly back at them and say, "I'm sorry; I wasn't listening, could you repeat that?" I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that something said will trigger something else on my to-do list or a lyric to a song or the Preamble to the Constitution and I'm suddenly off in my own little world.

Friends, those of you who've "been there, done that" please tell me, what else is in store for me? Are there more surprises on this journey thru midlife? Don't let me be blind-sided like I was with the hot flashes. We've got to stick together. What's next? Or do I really want to know?






16 comments:

Plunger Girl said...

Yeah, clearly I have no experience, but I say just rub some dirt on it. That's my medical advice for any ailment.

Btw, I agree that sand is icky. I've always disliked it. I hate how it gets in the coochie cup in the bathing suits.

Sweet tea vodka? Is that a real beverage? Am I missing out on something?

smiles4u said...

Oh dear lord you have described me and how I feel completely. I am right there with you my friend. Do you know how many times a day that I say "I'm hot."? Like too many to count! And dear lord, it's even worse now that I am in Florida with the heat. My daughters look at me like I am out of my mind once in awhile.
Just when I think I feel fine another one of these symptoms bears it's ugly head!
When and if you find any answers to our lovely affliction please share them with me. This post made me laugh though!

Nothing Fancy said...

Say it ain't so!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS. I mean, seriously, what was God thinking? Hmmm...I'll make women suffer with cramps and moodiness for years and then just when they think it's over, I'll hit them with Hot Flashes, wrinkles, BOB (aka Big Ole Belly), forgetfulness and anything else I can think of.

Sounds splendid.

qtpie said...

I've been on the path to pre-menopausal symptoms for about a year. I grew up hearing about menapause, but where did this pre and post stuff come from. Is it not enough we have to suffer through menapause, they want to pre and post us also... Maybe this is where the forgetfulness is supposed to help???? Like we can forget that, but hopefully it will slip our memory about how bad our moods can get. Who me? Bite someone's head off... Not sweet little ole me!!!!!

qtpie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
thistle said...

Small confession here...i've had pms from hell (aka as being perimenopausal) since my late 30's, but strangely i'm finding that as i get farther along here ie less frequent and shorter 'visits' things seem to be getting better (which is only fair, i might add)...and now that i've said that out loud i've probably jinxed myself and the menopause gods will now unleash hell on me *sigh*...

supplements do seem to help, my favourite in the past has been Estrologic...

favourite books on the subject
'What Your Dr Doesn't Tell You About Menopause/Perimenopause' (that's actually 2 different books)

and Anne Louise Gittelmann 'Taking Charge of Your Perimenopause' esp love anne louise, lots of holistic stuff

Bear Naked said...

I'm thinking of writing a book with the title
"Surviving Hot Flashes (How To Sleep on Cold, Hard Ceramic Tile Floors)"


Bear((( )))

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I remember being a smug jerk of a teen during my mom's hot flashes. Paybacks are a bitch.

My menopuase was triggered and intensified by chemo. Horrible hot flashes that would last 30 to 40 minutes. I found an icepack on my belly, a cool cloth on my head, and laying in front of a fan really helped. My sister suggested Evening primrose oil capsules and I take them and I think they help.

The forgetfullness? Still a challenge.

midlife slices said...

Well, I see one clear omission from your list of menopausal maladies you have to look forward to. The inevitable drought down south. It's a bitch, to say the least. Oh, and the chin whiskers that appear overnight are cute too. I take DHEA and it helps a lot with the brain fog. My dr. prescribes it and I can sure tell when I don't take it.

I'm bet PG is really looking forward to this time in her life, now. LOL

midlife slices said...

Also, there's the syndrome where your fingers don't type what your brain is thinking. There's no cure for that one though. sigh...

Midlife Mama said...

Okay you are living my life, eh? Although so far, fortunately, my hot flahses are more like warm flushes, although I do occasionally wake up in the night with damp sheets.

Forgetting stuff? Check. Losing track of conversations mid-sentence because you can't hold onto a thought longer than a hummingbird fart? Check. Trying to remember something you walked into the room for? Check. Absolute intolerance for anyone and anything, especially rude drivers and screaming children? Check. Periods that show up out of nowhere after they've been gone for a couple of months? Check. Wishing you could become a hermit in the mountains and that everyone would just go away and leave you the hell alone? Check.

Yep, I'm going through it too. It sucks. I wrote a big ol' post about how awful I've been and how intolerant and bitchy, and the least little thing can set me off.

At least you're not alone! And I wish there was a magic bullet. If you find one? Post about it so we can all know too. Some have suggested herbs but I haven't tried them yet.

I think the CRS is what ticks me off the most. I used to have a mind like a steel trap. (CRS = Can't Remember Shit.)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

PG-Yeah, you're just a baby. And I hate you for it. LOL My oldest daughter is just a few years younger than you. MLS is right, you must be really happy now to be hanging with the midlife crowd.
Oh and there's a link to the Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka in my Roadtrip Part I post (last week)

Smiles-Well, at least I'm not alone. Misery loves company, ya know. Have you done your spin class yet?

Fancy-Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. ...*sigh*...

qtpie-I can't believe YOU would ever bite anyone's head off. NOT you!!! (Did you mean to post your comment twice?) LOL - That's what is deleted.

Thistle-QUICK! Turn around 3 times, cluck like a chicken and eat a spoonful of sugar to break the jinx curse! LOL
Thanks for the book and supplement referrals. I will definitely have to check them out.

Bear-Write it. I'll buy the first copy!

PHST-My mom never had PMS and had no symptoms of menopause! Can you believe that! She never understood what the big fuss was. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit those genes. UGH! Thanks for the advise.

MLS-Leave it to you to bring up hoo hoo problems. LOL And chin hairs! You can't be serious. Nope, I'm not gonna do it.
What is DHEA? And I think I have that finger syndrome.

Mama-Oh gawwwd! Aunt Flo comes back! UGH! I'm gonna have to go back and read your b*tchy post. Or did I already. See what I mean. *sigh*

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

I haven't had the hot flashes yet....at least not that I can remember : ) But I can't remember much.

Have you entered to win Petunia Pig?

Slick said...

Uh....

Uh...

I went as far as the "HOT" part.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Lynn-It's probably better if you forget them anyway. Yes, I've entered. Thank you.

Slick-I bet you didn't follow instructions in school either. Did you learn anything helpful at least?

Reader Wil said...

Hot flashes are annoying. I even had them in the swimmingpool. It lasted about 10 years before I got over them! Thanks for your visit and good luck!!