Tuesday, October 28, 2008

SHUT UP AND PRAY (A Roadtrip with Lucy)



Several years ago, Lucy, aka my mother and I went on a roadtrip together to visit my sister, Snips. I have a few tidbits from the trip that I would like to share with you. My fond memories of Lucy (and there are many) are the treasures I keep close to my heart. They help to ease the pain of losing her far too early.

Lucy had an extraordinary bladder. The woman could drink water the entire trip and never need a bathroom break. I, on the other hand must have the weakest bladder on the planet. It's legendary. If I'm in the car, you need to factor in additional hours to the trip for potty stops. I can't help it. It's not my fault. OK, it probably doesn't help that I can't get in the car without a drink of some sort but I get thirsty, ok? Lucy, clearly annoyed with stopping for the umpteenth time, said to me, "Listen, Smart Mouth, if you would just start peeing in the yard, you could be the solution to the drought we are having."

I'm a little near-sighted. I wear glasses or contacts to correct my vision. But sometimes I just go without correction. Let me explain that I'm not endangering anyone's life by flying blind. It's not that bad. I just can't read signs until I'm right on top of them. It's my turn to drive and Lucy is in the passenger seat. I see what appears to be a dead dog on the side of the road. I say out loud, "Oh, no. I hate to see that." Lucy looks up and asks what I'm talking about. "That dead dog." Lucy starts to laugh. I'm appalled at her lack of compassion. Then as we get closer, it is revealed that it's a strip of rubber from a blown out truck tire. For the rest of the trip, Lucy would taunt me every time she saw a piece of rubber saying, "Oh no, look Smart Mouth, there's another one." And if the piece was small, she would say, "Awww, it's a puppy."

It was now Lucy's turn to drive. We were in downtown Atlanta. It was evening but traffic was still heavy. People were weaving in and out like maniacs. Lucy, who was more accustomed to country driving clearly was not happy. At one point, another driver cut her off. She said, "Asshole!" You need to understand that Lucy didn't swear often. When she did, it was always comical because it was so out of character. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her that just the previous Sunday I had learned in church that when you want to say something unkind, you are supposed to just shut up and pray. Lucy, a woman of faith herself, took one look at me, raised her eyebrows and said, "OK, I'm gonna shut up and pray that asshole doesn't cut off anyone else!"

I miss you, Lucy! MUAHHH!

18 comments:

Jan said...

Your Mom is priceless - this just cracked me up.

"Awww, it's a puppy." *SNORT*

Reader Wil said...

It's a very good story and an excellent tribute to Lucy! You couldn't have written a more beautiful and funny post!

nothingfancy1 said...

I love this story. Thanks for the laugh and smile. Your Mom . . . a priceless gem!

Bear Naked said...

What a great story and tribute to Lucy.
Thanks for sharing.

Bear((( )))

ladybeams said...

I loved this! It reminded me of some of my own road trips. It took me a long time to finally get glasses for driving (DMV made me). People used to ask how I got around, I would tell them by memorization. My mother and sister both have been with me when I've been on the wrong side of a divider, going the wrong way on a one-way street. We've had some hilarious (and lucky) times. Thanks for the chuckles.

thistle said...

that is a great story...your mother had a wicked sense of humour!...that puppy rip was ruthless LOL...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I loved this story; your mom sounds like a lot of fun. Loved the puppy line.

I think your I Love Lucy pics are awesome.

goodfather said...

I'm not gonna lie, I got tears in my eyes reading the last paragraph. Great, great story, well told.

Midlife Slices said...

I'm with goodfather, only I down right bawled. I know you miss her but it's great that you have such fond memories and that you are willing to share them with us. Muahhhhh

Diana said...

Great story! Your mom so reminds me of my mom. She's the Puerto Rican Mamasita (PRM) on my blog. :)

She's awesome on road trips too, except she has a bladder the size of a pea and every half hour it's "um, Diana, are we stopping anytime soon?" lol

Midlife Mama said...

LOL OMG this reminds me of me on a roadtrip; peeing every five minutes. Especially right after lunch. I pretty much know where every rest stop is on the freeways of California. I hate rest stops; they're just so icky, but when ya gotta go; ya gotta go, am I right? LOL

One time I was taking a trip to southern California, and I was asking someone who knows me well, where I'd be in four hours if I left at a certain time. I was trying to plan a lunch stop into our trip. He looked at me, and said, "For anyone else, you'd be in Such-and-such. But with your potty stops? You'd probaby be in YC" (about a 45 minute drive from my house). Sad, but true! LOL

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Jan-she really was quite a piece of work. You remind me of her sometimes. And Thistle too. A1 compliment from me.

RW-Thank you. That means a lot.

Fancy-She really was. And she was always like that.

Bear-Thank you. She has supplied me with a lot of material.

Ladybeams-It sounds like you needed glasses more than I do. LOL Thanks for visiting. I hope you'll come again.

Thistle-The funny thing is that you remind me of her. Funny words like dergs and hoomans. That was her.

Pseudo-She was great fun. I stole, I mean borrowed the pics from the internet. And ps. She loved Hawaii.

GF-Awww, I moved you to tears. Thank you.

MLS-I enjoy reminiscing and it's cheaper than therapy. LOL

Diana-Sounds like the PRM and I have the same bladder.

Mama-You sound just like me. I know what you mean about public restrooms because believe me, I think I've seen them all.

Anonymous said...

I just figured this comment thing out!!! Did I mention I'm slow? Well I am among the few readers who can not only appreicate this story but can actually hear the words coming out of Lucy's mouth - which makes it much more precious. Who knew you can cry and laugh at the same time?! Luv you - miss her.

Anonymous said...

ok, I just spelled appreciate wrong. I really am slow.. : (

Twenty Four At Heart said...

She sounds wonderful! I think Lucy and I would have hit it off! Great post!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Beauty-Yes, I'm sure that you can hear her saying these words. Love you too!
Oh and now everyone knows why I picked you to be Beauty instead of the Brain. I kid, I kid.

24-Thank you. You would have loved her.

Stepping Thru said...

Precious memories! Thank you for sharing your wonderful Lucy with all of us!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

ST-not to be confused with Stubborn Teenager:
I'm glad you enjoyed them. There will be more to come. Stay tuned....