I’M THE WINNER! ………and the loser

Ladies and Gentlemen, things are looking up. I, Smart Mouth Broad, have won a prize. I never win anything. But those days are over………..because today…………I'm a WINNER! Last week, Midlife Slices posted a quiz on her blog. What she didn't tell us was that whoever answered the question correctly would win a prize. You just never know what leaving a comment will bring you. Well, it took me practically all day but I kept guessing and finally got the answer. We won't mention that not a lot of work got done at my desk that day.

My Harley Stud called me at work today to let me know a package had arrived at the house for me. I told him to open it. He recognized the Texas address and thought he heard something ticking inside said he thought I should open it myself since it was my prize.

Only the most beautiful cosmetic case ever!

And look! It's really three prizes in one!

Thanks, Midlife Slices! My cosmetics have never been housed so beautifully!

Things are certainly turning around. If I'm winning prizes, can economic recovery be far behind?

I also wanted to give you an update on my ongoing quest for fitness and the search for the lost physique of my youth. I've been a little embarrassed to mention this before now but remember that yoga class last week? Well………apparently there were muscles stretched and awakened that had been hibernating since the Stone Age. I've been suffering from muscle spasms in my back and neck since the following day. I've been on muscle relaxers and ibuprofen all weekend. Today, still feeling stiff and kinky (not like that, you pervs) I decided instead of self-medicating, I was going to shake it off at the gym by taking a Latin Impact class. I know……………………looking back it doesn't seem like such a good idea to me either.

First, if I haven't made this clear in the past, I live in South Florida where we have a huge Latin population. The instructor for this class is Hispanic. Every woman in the class seems to be of Latin descent. And in walks the WASP. But it wasn't my looks that made me stand out in the crowd.

The class began and it quickly became very clear that I have been gifted with amazing Latin dance moves no Latin hips. I seem to want to involve my torso too much when it's the hips that are supposed to be doing all the work. I can't dance free-style but if you give me choreography, I can learn anything. The problem is that learning the moves is one thing. Making them look good is quite another. The entire class is in Spanish. That certainly doesn't help. After 28 years of living in South Florida, I am fluent in a few select phrases. I can say "I'm sorry, Ma'am but *Spanish speaking co-worker* is not in the office now. Please call back later. Or "in 5 minutes." Or "tomorrow. " And I do it so well that Spanish speaking people will then launch into their entire story in Spanish at which point, I have to inform them in English that I'm done. That's all I know.

The instructor smiled at me a lot. Not the kind of smile that says, Bravo, SMB, you are doing awesome! Who knew you could move like that! No, that's not the look. This look is more……….pobre y pobre gringa. That's the best I can do with free translations dot com. Meaning loosely: You poor, poor, American woman. To my Spanish speaking readers, please accept my apologies for butchering your beautiful language.

Don't think that will stop me though. I had a great time. I'll go back even if the teacher does think I'm a loser. If I haven't proven it already, I'm not easily embarrassed. Have I mentioned this class is in a room that faces the gym with a glass wall? That's right, the entire gym can and does watch the class in progress. Who cares! I'm having fun.

All I really need is Max from Dancing with the Stars to work with me a little. I'm sure he could teach me to move my hips.

And if I'm not in traction tomorrow, I'm going back to yoga on Wednesday.