Monday, February 23, 2009

I’M THE WINNER! ………and the loser

Ladies and Gentlemen, things are looking up. I, Smart Mouth Broad, have won a prize. I never win anything. But those days are over………..because today…………I'm a WINNER! Last week, Midlife Slices posted a quiz on her blog. What she didn't tell us was that whoever answered the question correctly would win a prize. You just never know what leaving a comment will bring you. Well, it took me practically all day but I kept guessing and finally got the answer. We won't mention that not a lot of work got done at my desk that day.

My Harley Stud called me at work today to let me know a package had arrived at the house for me. I told him to open it. He recognized the Texas address and thought he heard something ticking inside said he thought I should open it myself since it was my prize.

Only the most beautiful cosmetic case ever!

And look! It's really three prizes in one!

Thanks, Midlife Slices! My cosmetics have never been housed so beautifully!

Things are certainly turning around. If I'm winning prizes, can economic recovery be far behind?

I also wanted to give you an update on my ongoing quest for fitness and the search for the lost physique of my youth. I've been a little embarrassed to mention this before now but remember that yoga class last week? Well………apparently there were muscles stretched and awakened that had been hibernating since the Stone Age. I've been suffering from muscle spasms in my back and neck since the following day. I've been on muscle relaxers and ibuprofen all weekend. Today, still feeling stiff and kinky (not like that, you pervs) I decided instead of self-medicating, I was going to shake it off at the gym by taking a Latin Impact class. I know……………………looking back it doesn't seem like such a good idea to me either.

First, if I haven't made this clear in the past, I live in South Florida where we have a huge Latin population. The instructor for this class is Hispanic. Every woman in the class seems to be of Latin descent. And in walks the WASP. But it wasn't my looks that made me stand out in the crowd.

The class began and it quickly became very clear that I have been gifted with amazing Latin dance moves no Latin hips. I seem to want to involve my torso too much when it's the hips that are supposed to be doing all the work. I can't dance free-style but if you give me choreography, I can learn anything. The problem is that learning the moves is one thing. Making them look good is quite another. The entire class is in Spanish. That certainly doesn't help. After 28 years of living in South Florida, I am fluent in a few select phrases. I can say "I'm sorry, Ma'am but *Spanish speaking co-worker* is not in the office now. Please call back later. Or "in 5 minutes." Or "tomorrow. " And I do it so well that Spanish speaking people will then launch into their entire story in Spanish at which point, I have to inform them in English that I'm done. That's all I know.

The instructor smiled at me a lot. Not the kind of smile that says, Bravo, SMB, you are doing awesome! Who knew you could move like that! No, that's not the look. This look is more……….pobre y pobre gringa. That's the best I can do with free translations dot com. Meaning loosely: You poor, poor, American woman. To my Spanish speaking readers, please accept my apologies for butchering your beautiful language.

Don't think that will stop me though. I had a great time. I'll go back even if the teacher does think I'm a loser. If I haven't proven it already, I'm not easily embarrassed. Have I mentioned this class is in a room that faces the gym with a glass wall? That's right, the entire gym can and does watch the class in progress. Who cares! I'm having fun.

All I really need is Max from Dancing with the Stars to work with me a little. I'm sure he could teach me to move my hips.

And if I'm not in traction tomorrow, I'm going back to yoga on Wednesday.


Anonymous said...

Uhhmm....I have pictures that say otherwise about your fantastic dancing skills. Remember? Do I need to post them to remind you how fabulous you and Mr. SMB can dance?? LOL

Glad you liked the prize and the good news is, I got a bunch of different things at market so I'll be throwing in more surprise posts in the future. This will be fun!

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard when I read about your Latin class. We lived in South Fla for 2 years till my poor gringo hubby couldn't deal with all the Cubans anymore (he had a rough time communicating at work)...except my family of course. He especially loved the signs in the window that said, "We speak english". I think he was a bit overwhelmed when he got outnumbered.

Anonymous said...

Shake it SMB! Great prize.... don't love winning things? I sure do and have been lucky lately as well....

The Blue Ridge Gal

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

HOW in the world do you do it? It amazes me. You speak a LOT more Spanish than I do and you sound like you are having fun!
Congratulations on winning those cute make up bags. I think you are on a winning streak! :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh, man, I love those bags Janie sent you. I want some!

And good for you for getting on that latin dance thing. I am taking salsa lessons myself in March. We will see if I can swivel the hips without the rest of me going along.


Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

What the heck is there about you that makes me what to pick you up and burp you??!! LOL (sorry, I made myself laugh on that one!!) Cute, cute, cute!!!

MsMVNJ said...

You go girl! I think you may just become my inspiration!

Love those bags - very cute!

Tricia said...

What a great prize! Your cosmetics will have a long, happy relationship with that set.

I LONG for some Latin hips, or rhythm, or what ever. From one Gringo to another, keep shaking it :o)

Debbie said...

Your prize is great! Congrats.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I am now rethinking the Yoga class. I want to take a Latin dance class! It sounds like fun and my hips are so effing huge that they move even when they aren't supposed to, so no problemo on that score.

There is the small problem in that there are, hmmm, well, NO Latinas (or Latinos, for that matter) in Podunk, Ohio.

That's it - I'm going back to Texas.

Anonymous said...

Oh please, don't get me started on how the people that speak English are in the MINORITY in some parts of this country. It's the USA folks; SHEESH.

Okay. Back away from the Soapbox.

But seriously? Your post made me laugh. I can't dance either but I love to move to the music. But that glass wall where everyone can watch you make a total idiot of yourself is one reason I don't go to the gym!

Well, at least that's what I tell myself. LOL

Anonymous said...

Sweetie you are such a sucker for pain -- I'm having back spasms just reading about it. Forget the yoga...knock back a few mojitos and hit the hot tub w/the Harley Stud.

Anonymous said...

You are fearless!! I am so impressed...i want to try belly-dancing, maybe this coming fall when i anm looking for things to do to stave off the winter blues.

And yoga is much harder than it looks isn't it. Ouch to the back pain, that is not good.

And great prizes from that texas chick...why do we feel prettier when our cosmetics get the royal treatment?

Anonymous said...

That is THE cutest cosmetic case EVER. I'm so jealous!!!

Anonymous said...

Your cosmetics case is super cute! But, take it easy on yourself and be careful. No more injuries, please!

cheatymoon said...

You are dedicated. Good for you - I'm glad you had fun. Good luck w/ yoga tomorrow. Maybe it will be easier?
And congrats on the prizes!

Anonymous said...

LOL! I didn't realize you were in FL - why did I think you were in California!? My mom is in Florida too - she has no latin moves either - but God love her for trying!

Pseudo said...

Oh you make me laugh SMB! I wish they were having blogher in Florida. I culd go, visit my sist, and have fun with you. Your classes sound like a hoot. Except for the pain killers part. Not so fun there.

Congrats on the prize ad hope you are feeling limber and nonachy.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

MLS-The one with the dance skills is MHS. I just follow his lead. I can't seem to get him to the gym or the Latin Impact class though. *wink*

Ritz-Your husband sounds a lot like mine. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you'll visit again.

Psuedo-Are you going to Blogher? I wish it was in Florida too. We could have so much fun!
BRG-I've seen how lucky you are lately. Congrats and thanks.

Mona-I really just know a few phrases. You would think that after living here for as long as I have I would know more but I don't. I would really like to though. Being able to speak several languages fascinates me. My brain doesn't seem to work that way though. *sigh*

MsMVNJ-Thanks. I'm glad I can inspire someone. Most days I find it hard to motivate myself.

Tricia-Oh me tooooo, me too.

Debbie-Isn't it great! Thanks.

Jan-Don't give up on yoga. It's great and really good for you. The tightness of my muscles is one of the reasons I want to go to yoga to begin with. But oh girl, wouldn't we have fun at Latin class together wiggling our hips? *wink*

Mama-I can't be bothered with people at the gym who sit in judgement. I'm there to have fun and get fit. But then, I've always been a bit of a ham.

CroneandBearit-OOOOO! Mojitos and a hot tub sound really good right now. And here I am with no hot tub and Mojito ingredients. Dammick!

Thistle-I don't know if I would say fearless but I'm usually game to try most things. And I'm quite accustomed to making an ass out of myself so that doesn't bother me either.

Are the bags really cute. I just love 'em!

Fancy-Aren't they cute! Oh that wasn't nice, now I'm gloating, huh? LOL

BV-I think the Latin class worked. The spasms are gone so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Movie-I'm very excited for yoga tomorrow. But I'll be a little more cautious this time.

Erin-Yes a transplanted Hoosier living in South Florida for 28 years. Where is your mom? And does she take Latin dance/exercise class? Might she be there with me?