Friday, February 20, 2009


A few days ago I mentioned that Sprite's Keeper does a thing called the Spin Cycle. Since I've been failing miserably at making it to Spin class at the gym, I thought I would take a shot at trying out a different sort of spin. You can check out Sprite's Keeper and other Spinners here.

This week's assignment is Laughter. This is a topic about which I am well-acquainted. It's an old cliché but laughter has always been the best medicine for me. It's how I deal with life's little complications.

Laughter during the good times; well, I suppose that everyone has that. I choose to handle the tough times with laughter as well. It's my way. There hasn't been a crisis in my life that I haven't managed to make light of in order to help me cope. It is by no coincidence that the name of this blog includes the words "Smart Mouth". Oh sure, over the years I've learned that not every single thought that goes through my head should be shared with the world. Realizing this one truth has probabaly saved my life. If I said everything aloud that goes through my mind I would most certainly be put in the hospital by some angry recipient of my "imagined" razor sharp wit or possibly even jailed. Believe me; I've got it that bad.

If you are a regular here, you've heard me tell many stories about my mother, Lucy. Living through her illness was one of the worst things that my family has ever been through. I had been away from My Harley Stud and the girls for long periods while I helped my Dad take care of Mom. The night that my mother died, MHS drove up with the girls so the family could be together. Plans were made to have a service in Florida and another in Indiana the following week. That night in bed he told me that his long-suffering stomach issues had been getting worse over the last few months and when we got back from Indiana, he should probably see a doctor.

**Alert the media! The man wanted a doctor appointment! I had only been suggesting this for YEARS! MHS had been having episodes of extreme stomach pain for probably three years or so (usually after over-eating at holidays or special occasions.)**

I was relieved that he was finally willing to see someone about this problem but of course we had some other things to attend to first.

Ironically, my mother in law, whom I will call Millie, was going through the same thing with her mother at the same time twelve hundred miles away in Indiana. My Harley Stud's grandmother died on the day of my mom's service in Florida. Our plans were quickly changed so that we could make it to Indiana in time for the MHS's grandmother's service also.

My father-in-law, whom I will call Phil, joined Daddy, MHS, D1, D2 and myself for a road trip to Indiana. If you're a long-time reader, these Beverly Hillbilly type road trips will not come as a surprise to you. We made it to Indiana just in time to get showered and dressed for the visitation services for MHS's grandma. The funeral was the next day. It was heart-breaking and our pain was way too close to the surface. It didn't take much to break us so humor was used as a way to divert our emotional melt-down. We visited with relatives we hadn't seen in years and laughter was all around.

As is the tradition in the Midwest, a carry-in dinner was held at a local hall after the services. MHS could hardly contain himself; he was so excited to get to eat these home-cooked Midwestern dishes. His plate was filled a few times and then came dessert. As he was eating a piece of pecan pie, I commented that if he had a stomach attack that evening, I would not feel sorry for him. Just then a late-comer walked in with a pan of home-made lasagna. MHS's eyes lit up. I gave him "the" look. Lasagna is an all-time MHS favorite. He began to waiver. I shot him "the" look again. And because he knows there will be consequences when you ignore "the" look, he began to shake in his dress shoes walked right over to the table and dished himself up a heaping portion. I gave him my best stern look, rolled my eyes and once again reminded him that there would be NO sympathy that evening when his stomach exploded.

It was about 9pm that evening as he was watching TV at Beauty's house that the volcano began to erupt. The pain increased quickly and my "I told you so's" were not well-received. At about 10pm he asked me to call my boss who is a breast surgeon by specialty but is in fact a board certified General Surgeon. I related his symptoms to her and she diagnosed from 1200 miles away that it could very well be gallbladder trouble and he needed to go to the emergency room right away.

Now we had just survived the first funeral and were facing another in just a few days. A little trip to the ER was just what we needed to make our trip complete. Of course he refused to go and we spent the night with him vomiting, writhing in pain alternated with me asking "are you ready to go yet?" He was clearly in a lot of pain but since he wasn't listening, I had no problem interjecting smart mouth remarks between helping him to and from the bathroom. Finally at 5am, he begged asked me to drive him to the hospital.

We were in a small town and the nearest hospital is in the next town about 15 miles away. I got him into my Dad's SUV and began the journey on icy roads to the hospital. It wasn't until we were already in the next town that I discovered a little problem. I was born and raised in this area. In fact, I was born in the hospital to which we were traveling. But I couldn't remember how to get there. It was early and I didn't want to disturb anyone unnecessarily. (I'm nice like that) I began to giggle as I followed those blue "H" signs searching for our destination. Between fits of pain, MHS looked up and asked what I was giggling about. I told him that I couldn't remember how to get to the hospital. Oddly enough, he wasn't nearly as amused as I was with this revelation. Men! Hmpfff.

We made it there without any real detours. (Thank you, little blue sign makers.) The emergency room thankfully was not busy and they took him into triage right away. We were quickly whisked into a curtained room with a gurney. It was about this time that my own stomach began to react to the stress. I should maybe save this for one of LiLu's TMI Thursday posts but I have this little problem. Everyone reacts to stress differently. Some people break out in a rash, others lose their hair and some get ulcers. During any crisis, you can find me…………… the bathroom. It's not like I can control it. So the ER doctor comes in and does a quick exam on MHS. At this point, I can wait no longer and excuse myself to find the nearest restroom.

After taking care of my business, I return to find that MHS is missing. I couldn't help it. I began to laugh. Just my luck. Not that healthy sort of chuckle when you find something amusing but instead that maniacal laugh you hear just before the basket is dropped. Eventually a hospital employee found me and informed me that MHS had been taken for an ultrasound. They instructed me to wait in his curtained cubical all the while giving me "the eye" that said "What are you laughing about?"

He was eventually returned to me and after a short while, we were told that he indeed did have a bad gallbladder and they were going to admit him. A surgeon had been called in to consult but in the mean time they would move him out of the ER and to a room on the surgical floor. Once again, my stress levels soared and I had to quickly excuse myself. Upon my return, he was gone……….AGAIN! This time I was able to catch up with them in the hall. Again, I was getting strange looks from medical staff members who thought I was either an uncaring bitch or a possible psyche patient posing as this patient's relative. By this time, he had been medicated heavily for the pain and could not be relied upon to identify me. They continued to watch me with wary eyes.

I really don't remember all the details of the following days. The surgeon showed for the consultation and confirmed that surgery needed to be done immediately. MHS was prepped and whisked away once again. By this time I was joined by family members and friends. In fact, the pastor joined us in the OR waiting room to pray for MHS and plan my mother's services. Yes.we.did. We sat in the waiting room while MHS went under the knife and planned a beautiful memorial service for my mother. There was a lot of nervous laughter going on, believe me. It was surreal. I couldn't believe it was happening and yet what can you do? You have to soldier on through it. I would like to be able to comment here about how other family members were making out but honestly I was so consumed with my own anxiety and just trying to keep it together, I didn't even notice. As I look back, I feel for my poor children who must have been scared to death. And there I was hanging by a thread, oblivious to their pain. In fact, if I remember correctly, they were comforting me. D1 was a freshman in college and had just turned 19. D2 was in the eighth grade and was 13. Bless their hearts.

I've worked for surgeons for years and while it's different when it's your own family member, I probably wasn't as anxiety ridden as others might have been………….until……………..the surgery took much longer than expected. When the surgeon finally came in to tell us how it went, they had to pry me off the ceiling. It seems that MHS's gallstone was larger than most people's entire gallbladder. He said there was no doubt that he must have suffered quite a bit before getting to this point. Stupid.Stubborn.Man The poor dear.

He was still pretty much out of it when they rolled him back into his hospital room. The Daytona 500 was held that day. The nurses were discussing the winner. It was revealed that Dale, Jr had won and we were all assured that he had survived the surgery when he groaned, "Oh God!" He is not a Dale, Jr. fan. Again laughter broke through the stress and the worry that we were all feeling. The wonderful medical staff at the hospital provided MHS with a morphine pump so that he could control his pain himself. I was given strict instructions that he was to control the pump himself and I was not to touch it. I should mention at this point that the man relies on me to manage his medical care. He doesn't take an Advil unless I say it's OK. It's how we roll. Needless to say, I controlled the pump when they weren't looking. And he was a kinder, gentler MHS. He had a permanent smile on his face during the entire stay. If he got a little cranky, I would smile and press the button. Voila! Problem solved. Everybody wins. Bwahahaha.

Coincidentally, a cousin delivered a slightly pre-mature baby at this same hospital during this time. When the stress would become unbearable, you could find me at the nursery window. A sure-fire stress reliever. :)

I stayed in his room with him the entire stay. We had hospital connections who arranged it so he wouldn't get a room-mate for his semi-private room and I was able to stay over-night with him to push his button. He was released a few days later just in time to attend my mother's services at the church. I won't go there again but you know how difficult this was. More visiting and laughing. As I look back, it's the only thing that kept me from falling off the edge.

We laughed again when it came time to write an excuse note for D2 to return to school. "Please excuse D2 from school from this date to that date. Her grandmother died, her great-grandmother died and her father had emergency surgery 1200 miles from home." Who would believe that?

***I realize that this post is not really funny and apologize if that is what you were expecting. I guess I should probably also apologize for its length as well but once I got started, it just kept pouring out and I couldn't stop it. Laughter. It's the best medicine.***

If you're still here, here's a little something for hanging in there for this painfully long post:


Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Hey.. :)
Guess I have a warped sense of humor cuz I burst out laughing at one point. I think it was the morphine pump thing that put me COMPLETELY over the top BIG time! :) If anyone out there thinks I'm nuts..sue me! :)
I was riveted by the whole thing...from beginning to end..but then..I am a FAN. So..there ya go.
Then the frosting..the quads! What an adorable bit of film. Precious!!
Hugs to my SMB!! You did good!!! GREAT post!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, the morphine pump got me too! I can think of similar scenarios if my husband was hooked up to one. Once they released him into my care after a hernia surgery while he was still doped up and I think I laughed the entire time he was dealing with the pain coming off the drugs. If I hadn't laughed, I would have cried. Great Spin. You're linked and welcome to the Spin Cycle!

Lo said...

good grief girl! damn. you deserve some wine after all that. i am so sorry that you had to go thru all that emotional rough stuff. that is truly more than one person should ever have to handle. my husband almost died before he had his galbladder taken out at 19! stupid stubborn men is right. thanks for sharing this. the babies had me cracking up!! although... no way in hell i would want that many at one time laughing in real life. imagine when they cry!! eep.

Midlife Roadtripper said...

No apologies needed. The note to the teacher cracked me up. I, too, love laughter and am always grateful for the one who provides the opportunity to exhale. Keeps me breathing for the rest of what's ahead.

Anonymous said...

Honey, if I'm ever in the hospital with a morphine pump, I want YOU RIGHT THERE WITH ME. 'K? Deal? Good.

Your story reminds me of how Beloved and I learned of his maternal grandmother's death, my paternal grandfather's death and how Darling Daughter took my car without permission (and without a license) and proceeded to wreck it, all on the same day...while we were on our first vacation in YEARS. I don't remember laughing much, but I do remember the two of us standing around going, "What the HELL happened here??"

Oh, and the baby video is one of my and The Young One's favorites. Every now and then we put it on and just laugh and giggle and laugh some more.

cheatymoon said...

Love that baby video. And your story is priceless. I can picture you with the morphine clicker.
The only way to sanely get through hospitals and funerals is laughing.
thanks for sharing!!

Lori said...

Yep laughter is the best medicine. You really had a lot to deal with and if you hadn't been able to laugh you would have cracked. Not sayin your not a little cracked it's any consolation, I am a little cracked myself.

It does seem that when it rains it pours with stuff like this. And laughter will save us when the times get tough. I am a laugher through the good times and bad and while occasionally it gets me into trouble, I would rather be this way then so serious and miserable.

Love the video of the babies laughing....will have to watch it again!

Debbie said...

Oh, that video is the cutest thing ever! I loved it. Just the medicine I needed today!

Anonymous said...

Is there a Cliff's Notes version to this post?
I can ask that because I write posts that are painfully long, too.

And speaking of Spin Class...just think "Yeast Infection."

How's that for a visual?

Anonymous said...

I thought it was quite funny because that's how my life works, too. It's always all or nothing and if you don't laugh you'll simply implode. Happy weekend!

Fragrant Liar said...

That you found something to laugh about through all that is a testament to your resilience.

I love that video of the quads laughing. You can't watch it without giggling yourself. :)


Pseudo said...

So much to comment on in this post. First, I cannot even imagine having so many stressful events taking place simultaneously. I am surprised you didn't hook yourself up to the pump at some point.

That video was a chuckler, cna't help but checkle along with the babies.

Anonymous said...

I admit I burst out laughing at the breast doctor diagnosing MHS. LOL You had told me the "cliff notes" version and now I'm glad I got the whole thing. Laughter and sadness all rolled into one. What better way to cope with all that stress. Good grief, you must be superwoman for sure. I bow to your awesomeness. :)

Anonymous said...

Great story, SMB. You really proved the point that laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Anonymous said...

Oh I LOVE those giggling babies!! That's one of my favorite videos. And wow what a story. It's a wonder you didn't collapse from the stress! Aren't you glad life isn't like that all the time??? LOL

Reader Wil said...

Your blog is worth visiting. You write well and, as I said before, with a great sense of humour. The baby video is so wonderful. I enjoyed watching it. Very clever to make them all laugh at the same time.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Mona-I don't think you're warped but then I was the one commiting the crime too.

Sprite's Keeper-Laughing IS really the best way to keep from crying or completely losing it and I came pretty close.

Lo-It's amazing what you can survive when you have the right attitude.

MidlifeJH-Thanks for the kind words and for following and commenting. I'll be over soon to check out your site.

Jan-It's a deal! I'm a really good button clicker. OMG! That vacation sounds awful. Why does it always come all at once? ugh!

Movie-The babies are adorable. Can you imagine all of them? I can't. I'll take mine one at a time, thank you very much.

Smiles-I agree. I would much rather laugh thru it and be thought a nut than to be so serious. Then I really couldn't deal....

Debbie-I dare anyone to watch and not smile!

Swampy-I always enjoy your posts long or short. And EWWWWW! LOL

CroneandBearit-I came close to imploding a few times but you just have to keep going. I always thought to myself.....I'll have a breakdown later. LOL

Liar-I LOVE those babies!

Pseudo-I actually made it thru the whole ordeal alcohol and drug-free.

MLS-As Paul Harvey says...and now you know the rest of the story. What? You don't think going to a breast surgeon for gallbladder advice is logical? Hmmm?

Tessa-It's the only way to go!

Mama-I don't think I could continue to laugh if life was always like that.

RW-Thank you for the very encouraging words. Hugs to you (((ReaderWil)))

rachaelgking said...

Aww, we can't save everything for TMI Thursday- sometimes the story just has to come out when it does.

Good one, lady!

Jason, as himself said...

Very good post.

And I LOVED this laughing baby video. SOOO sweet and funny.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Not funny? Are you kidding? I thougth this was VERY funny. I mean, in a down sort of way, but, well, since we were separated at birth and all, you know what I mean.

"The emergency room thankfully was not busy..."
What??? Where is this magical place of which you speak?

I loved, loved, LOVED this story! I'm so glad I came over here today.

Anonymous said...

I love that video!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

LiLu-I'm not sure my TMI would rate on your site anyway. LOL

Jason-Who can resist a giggling gaggle of goobers?

NGIP-I'm glad you came over too. Small town hospitals are not like the 24/7 jam packed ERs of the big cities. I recommend 5am.

24-I saw it on the today show on Fri and just had to share.

K Dubs said...

that video? cutest thing EVER!! But OMG - I laughed throughout your whole post - that sounds like something that would happen to my family. That's how we've always gotten through everything. Who cares if it's inappropriate at times, giggling at a funeral isn't all that bad, is it?? LOL

Beth said...

Good gawd woman. That is a lot of stuff to happen at one time. I'm impressed with your sense of humor.

As for me, I think I need a drink now.

Beth Niquette said...

Not painfully long, my friend--I enjoyed every word of your post! Thank you for your comments--you are such an inspiration, and to inspire others is such a privilege.

((hugs)) Have a wonderful day!

Anonymous said...

OMGoodness...i did feell a bit of a giggle coming on as i read this...but only in the 'psych patient posing as a blog reader' kind of way' as i actually began feeling a little overwhelmed for you while reading it.

But then, I may or may not be in need of a holiday :)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Kathy-I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Beth-Oddly enough, I didn't have drugs or alcohol thru the whole ordeal. (But I had some of my mother's xanax in my purse, just in case)

BethN-Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

Thistle-It's a lot funnier looking back but even in the moment the humor was evident. Again....C'mon down.

Laufa said...

When you have that stressful of a rollercoaster weeek, it takes a while to explain. Like they say - when it rains it pours. They also say God only gives you what you can handle. I don't know who they are, but that last one is referenced to a Bible verse (sorry I'm no help at all). Glad you could laugh through it all.